dreamcatcher975 Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 A couple of days ago i got this unusual text from my STBXH.... he told me that he needed my notarized signature on some loan papers. He notes on the text saying that He didnt' want to bother me but he had no other choice and that he'd drop the papers off at a UPS store where i can sign it and he'd pick it up after. I didn't reply. Earlier this month, after months of asking him to get the divorce process ready he tells me "they" would call me on my cell. I ask for their name.. he responds.. he "doesn't know" He was being really vague about it. I find out the name of the lawyer by looking at the account and seeing that he made a deposit to a law firm. That same day, since i figure the process was finally starting,I asked him about a loan balance that he had on my car (we got this loan while we were still married) he refused to give me the balance. And just ignored my text. So i didn't bother. My lawyer said he'd get the balance for me once the divorce was finalized and have him pay it off. It's been 3 weeks and i still haven't received a phone call from his lawyers. I've even called the county clerk to see if any papers were filed and she found nothing. (at this point my "waiting" period to file has dissolved and i'm speaking to lawyer so i can get the process started) he's screamed divorce for about a year and half now. The very same day i speak to my lawyer and ask what I needed to do... and after 2/3 weeks or no word from my H.. i get that text regarding the loan. it said.. "i'm applying for a loan, i need your notarized signature on it. Trust me, i wouldn't bother you but i had no other choice. I'll drop if off at the UPS store and you can sign it and i'll pick it up after." I didn't reply back at all. After consulting my lawyer and even my IC, friends and family.. they all said "don't do it." I have a feeling he needs help paying the last semester for his school. He was supposed to graduate this summer but because of a low GPA he had to move up a semester, and i assume since he's on a "plan" Financial aid didn't help him pay for this semester. He's not very good with money and would blow his financial aid and any assistance even his paychecks on frivolous things like new clothes, shoes, etc. And i couldn't help but think about the other times I needed his help and he'd tell me.. "that's not my problem anymore" or just ignore me, period. Yesterday morning, i got a text from him telling me that he'd like to "get this done ASAP because it is of Extreme Importance" -- i started stressing out because i don't want to be the one to ruin his career (he's in the officer program and if he doesn't go to school and graduate he'd get kicked out) but at the same time.. is it still my problem?? What about the other girls that mattered more than me while we were married? Or maybe even his mother. Why can't he ask her to sign the paper work with him? Or the times when i asked for help and he'd just blow me off and tell me how he wanted "nothing" to do with me. Now He needs my signature on a loan? He's even texted my mother (they live in a different state) asking her where i'm at (he doesn't have my current address) and why i'm not responding to his text msgs and didn't bother to mention that he's looking for me because he needs my signature on a loan. I've been working with an IC.. and after a couple sessions..he's concluded that i was an emotionally abusive relationship. My h brought me down with his words. Told me i wasn't good enough for him, or for his "image" my weight was an issue - i wasn't 'fit' enough, etc. He made me feel so small. So worthless and everyday i'm having to fight the thoughts and TRY to convince myself that i am worth it. I've always been there for him whenever he needed help. Snap of a finger i was there fixing his problems. This time, with the loan.. i can't do it. It hurts that i'm not there to help him.. but for the past 3 months.. i've had to do things on my own. Now he needs my help again. Does anyone have an idea on why he needed my notarized signature on a loan? If i sign, would that bank hold me liable or are they asking for my signature because the bank wants me to be aware of the activities he's doing? Isn't there something he can tell the bank that we're separated and getting a divorce? What would you have done? Sometimes it seems like my H just loves to throw the D words around only to scare me but he still attaches himself to me.
d0nnivain Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Bring the papers to your lawyer & have that person explain them to you. The only reason I can think of that he would need your signature on a loan is if you were a co-signor meaning you would be responsible if he didn't pay the money back. On the eve of a divorce you'd be crazy to take on more of his debt. 6
J2911 Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Never respond to his text messages at all. Save them and give them to your attorney if anything. His financial problems are not your concern. His school is his problem , not yours. Any papers from his attorney that get sent to you need to be sent to your attorney to be dealt with. You guys are paying attorney fees for the attorney to deal with this stuff. If you don't have a child together then I would personally change my number . Ignore him and never sign anything unless your attorney goes over it with you . 1
CarrieT Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Bring the papers to your lawyer & have that person explain them to you. ^ ^ ^ THIS, THIS, THIS ^ ^ ^ It is very curious and cautionary that he is trying to take out a loan before your divorce is settled. Be careful of the timing as you MIGHT be liable for the amount if he defaults on the loan if acquired while you are still legally a couple. 1
Shocked Suzie Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Never respond to his text messages at all. Save them and give them to your attorney if anything. His financial problems are not your concern. His school is his problem , not yours. Any papers from his attorney that get sent to you need to be sent to your attorney to be dealt with. You guys are paying attorney fees for the attorney to deal with this stuff. If you don't have a child together then I would personally change my number . Ignore him and never sign anything unless your attorney goes over it with you . Agree ^^^^^^ SS x 2
No Limit Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Even if it is his school loan, don't you give him a cent. You're not his mother. 2
Author dreamcatcher975 Posted August 2, 2014 Author Posted August 2, 2014 Thanks everyone! I don't think he was going to give me a chance to give it to my attorney. Actually, i'm pretty sure he wasn't going to because He wanted me to go to the UPS store, sign it and he said he'd pick it up in the afternoon. Everytime, I'm inching away from him, i feel like he always finds reasons to pull me back in. He's stalled on this divorce even if he's said he's sooo sure he wants it yet never filed. When we were in the process of moving out, i'd tell him i could leave earlier and whatever i left in the house he could keep but he'd come up with reasons like.. "you can't leave you haven't looked through the books or the baskets." Now, he says he has the lawyer.. still hasn't filed. Under the advice of my lawyer since it's uncontested, it shouldn't take this long, he said i should have been served within a week or so. My IC suspects he paid the lawyer but didn't tell them to initiate the divorce (Can that really happen?) Now, i have my own place, new job (that he thought i could never get) and he finds a way to make me stress about him once again. He stopped contacting me after yesterday. During lunch he called 3x in a row (he hasn't called my phone in over 8 months usually texts) so i'm assuming he found someone else to help solve his problem. Idk what makes him think i'd sign those loan papers after all the things he put me through. What's going on in his head? Does he not believe that i'm moving forward?
No Limit Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 This isn't about you, it's about him. He's trying to see how far he can go with you. Just keep giving him the cold shoulder. 1
DivorcedDad123 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 He's trying to get your signature before you're served with divorce papers. That way,it's marital debt and you'll be liable for your portion of it. This explains why you haven't been served yet. Odds are, his atty told him to do this. When the divorce is nearing completion, all marital debts (and assets) will be divided up,either equally or equitably,depending on the state you live in. Don't sign anything would be my advice. 1
BlueIris Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 The advice is spot on. But I'm wondering, why don't you just file? Get the ball rolling. 1
PegNosePete Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Never respond to his text messages at all. Save them and give them to your attorney if anything. Disagree, in the general case. A lot of people refuse to talk to their STBX at all, and pass everything on to their lawyer. That is a one-way street to an extremely high bill. It makes sense to negotiate directly regarding certain things. For example my ex's car was still registered in my name, and the tax was due, it cost £25 for the year. I told her that if she gave me the money I would send her the tax disc. She refused to negotiate, and told me to do it all through her lawyer. It must've cost her at least £300 in lawyers fees to get that £25 tax disc. Of course most things should go to the lawyer, especially important things. But it doesn't make sense to hand them every little detail. In the case of this loan thing I would simply tell him no (or ignore it). Is it worth you paying several hundred $$ just for your lawyer to tell you why he wants you to sign them, and to tell you not to do it? It may satisfy your curiosity but it's probably not financially viable. And yes, if he has not filed yet, it would make sense for you to do so. He seems to be deliberately stalling for unknown reasons. You can bet that if it's in his interests to stall, it's not in yours. 2
Mr. Lucky Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Idk what makes him think i'd sign those loan papers after all the things he put me through. Given the circumstances, he's a creep for even asking. Don't be a fool by answering... Mr. Lucky 1
Giggle Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 My refinancing of my house wants my stbx's signature too. Divorce papers are filed but until it's final, he as my husband has to sign that he knows about the loan. Soo my refinance is on hold because him signing my deed pisses me off even if he already has to sign a release to any claim of my house. And he was never ON the deed in the first place. I would highly suspect it's just saying that you know that it's happening. But you haven't got anything filed so I would be highly leery and want my lawyer to look.
Author dreamcatcher975 Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 Friday morning I got a msg from him saying that the issue was of extreme importance and he needed to get it done ASAP.. i didnt' reply. I found out later that day that he contacted my mother the night before asking her where i'm at and why i wasn't answering his msgs (this pissed me off.. because never once have i contacted HIS mother.) Then during lunch.. i got 3 phone calls from him which i didn't pick up. saturday and sunday and monday.. i didn't hear a word from him. I was thinking that maybe he solved his dilemma and didn't need my signature anymore. I was relieved! Then come tuesday... i get a text msg from him saying "so you are just going to ignore me then?" I couldn't believe it. This stbx... all he ever told me was how much he didnt' want me. It hurt so much to face him and hear him tell me that i was no longer a part of his plans, that my problems were no longer his etc. All while i took care of his kids and now will NOT let me see them or speak to them (took care of them for 6 years like they were mine). I'm surprised he's even asking if i'm just ignoring him now. When i'm assuming me leaving him alone and ignoring him would be a blessing for him. Now he's contacting my mother asking me where i'm at, why i'm not answering his msgs and asking me if i'm just going to ignore him. I didn't text back. This is what he wanted so i don't see y he needs me to respond to me ignoring him. He hasn't texted back and i'm hoping he got the hint. It's been a week and the loan papers haven't been brought up. I'm making arrangements to file the divorce.
Author dreamcatcher975 Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 My refinancing of my house wants my stbx's signature too. Divorce papers are filed but until it's final, he as my husband has to sign that he knows about the loan. Soo my refinance is on hold because him signing my deed pisses me off even if he already has to sign a release to any claim of my house. And he was never ON the deed in the first place. I would highly suspect it's just saying that you know that it's happening. But you haven't got anything filed so I would be highly leery and want my lawyer to look. I've thought about this too, that maybe the bank just wants me to be aware that he's taking out a loan. We've been separated for over a year, and he's taken out several loans in the past (yes, without my knowledge) and they didnt' require a signature of any of them. They are all under his name. Could that be it? That maybe the bank sees the amount of loans he's getting and now wants me to be aware of the activity?
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