FoolishMan Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 I want to stop talking to a friend who I think more of than just a friend. I want to put in some distance in the friendship. If she did not initiate contact with me, I feel that would be the best. I look forward to a day where she does not figure in my thoughts However, I am worried deep down that she will not talk to me again. The longer I go without contact (we are talking days), the heavier this sensation I get in the pit of my stomach. Ultimately, it is the feeling that is holding me in the situation I am in. Effectively, I am scared of reaching my goal Human emotions can be so screwed up!
BridgetGrey Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Do without hurting her tell her your busy. I hate this but as your in a relationship with her it's easier.
Beachead Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Hey OP, I think almost every guy has been through something like this atleast once in his life. I know I have. So you're not alone. Firstly you have to accept the fact that things will change. For better or worse, that I don't know. But, you have to step forward and face it. Approach this in the manner you would with any other friend that you have a problem with. Talk to her. Tell her everything you just said here. It'll put her in a tough spot but she'll appreciate your honesty and will allow you the space you need to let your feelings pass. She may even feel the same way you know? If this is a solid friendship, you two will make it through this. Believe in that. Goodluck Beachead 2
Author FoolishMan Posted August 3, 2014 Author Posted August 3, 2014 Hey OP, I think almost every guy has been through something like this atleast once in his life. I know I have. So you're not alone. Firstly you have to accept the fact that things will change. For better or worse, that I don't know. But, you have to step forward and face it. Approach this in the manner you would with any other friend that you have a problem with. Talk to her. Tell her everything you just said here. It'll put her in a tough spot but she'll appreciate your honesty and will allow you the space you need to let your feelings pass. She may even feel the same way you know? If this is a solid friendship, you two will make it through this. Believe in that. Goodluck Beachead Beachhead - Thanks for your post! Yes! I need to face the fact that if I initiate a change, then I will get a change in the relationship for better or worse like you say. I have to do something as I feel I cannot live like this. I have told her how I feel but she seems to want to carry on as normal ... i.e. tag along and accept this friendship on her terms ... does that make sense? I am not happy as I am the one who feels low but she feels nothing at all (it seems).
2sunny Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Just don't respond. Nothing. Then YOU can move forward.
Author FoolishMan Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 Foolishman, will you tell what actually happened? Me and this woman are friends and have been for a few years. Recently, been closer friends after I helped her emotionally through some tough times (for her) when she was in another relationship. I started to fall for her during this time but I never made a move. However, as our friendship grew, I felt that she may feel the same for me, so at the beginning of this year. I expressed my feelings for her in conversation but she was not interested. My reading of her was obviously wrong and I was just a normal friend to her. I was naturally heart broken and said I think it is best I stopped taking to her for a while until I sorted myself out. She was not keen on that idea and basically told me not too and it will be fine. Being a love drunk fool and being unable to let go, I carried on, always with a feeling that things may change. Anyway, she has met a guy and is almost of the verge of dating him (or may already be, I am not sure). However, she is not 100% sure about him and keeps asking me stuff about him. I feel really hurt whenever he comes up and I have said that to her. She said she understands and not mention him any more to me but she still brings him up. It is obvious that I am still that friend that offers emotional support and guidance! I have now reached the point that I feel she is heartless (or stupid) to keep talking about another man to a man who has told her that he really likes her! My dilemma is that the logical side of me is ready to move away from this friendship but my feelings anchors me to her, unable to let go.
Author FoolishMan Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 Just don't respond.... If I was as strong as that, no problem!
Reels Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Me and this woman are friends and have been for a few years. Recently, been closer friends after I helped her emotionally through some tough times (for her) when she was in another relationship. I started to fall for her during this time but I never made a move. However, as our friendship grew, I felt that she may feel the same for me, so at the beginning of this year. I expressed my feelings for her in conversation but she was not interested. My reading of her was obviously wrong and I was just a normal friend to her. I was naturally heart broken and said I think it is best I stopped taking to her for a while until I sorted myself out. She was not keen on that idea and basically told me not too and it will be fine. Being a love drunk fool and being unable to let go, I carried on, always with a feeling that things may change. Anyway, she has met a guy and is almost of the verge of dating him (or may already be, I am not sure). However, she is not 100% sure about him and keeps asking me stuff about him. I feel really hurt whenever he comes up and I have said that to her. She said she understands and not mention him any more to me but she still brings him up. It is obvious that I am still that friend that offers emotional support and guidance! I have now reached the point that I feel she is heartless (or stupid) to keep talking about another man to a man who has told her that he really likes her! My dilemma is that the logical side of me is ready to move away from this friendship but my feelings anchors me to her, unable to let go. There is not much benefit, but you may still talk her whenever you would want to.
Author FoolishMan Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 There is not much benefit, but you may still talk her whenever you would want to. Maybe but right now, I just want to feel anything about her! I don't want her to figure in my daily thoughts.
desertsessions Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 Me and this woman are friends and have been for a few years. Recently, been closer friends after I helped her emotionally through some tough times (for her) when she was in another relationship. I started to fall for her during this time but I never made a move. However, as our friendship grew, I felt that she may feel the same for me, so at the beginning of this year. I expressed my feelings for her in conversation but she was not interested. My reading of her was obviously wrong and I was just a normal friend to her. I was naturally heart broken and said I think it is best I stopped taking to her for a while until I sorted myself out. She was not keen on that idea and basically told me not too and it will be fine. Being a love drunk fool and being unable to let go, I carried on, always with a feeling that things may change. Anyway, she has met a guy and is almost of the verge of dating him (or may already be, I am not sure). However, she is not 100% sure about him and keeps asking me stuff about him. I feel really hurt whenever he comes up and I have said that to her. She said she understands and not mention him any more to me but she still brings him up. It is obvious that I am still that friend that offers emotional support and guidance! I have now reached the point that I feel she is heartless (or stupid) to keep talking about another man to a man who has told her that he really likes her! My dilemma is that the logical side of me is ready to move away from this friendship but my feelings anchors me to her, unable to let go. I'm was going through a similar situation, except it's a tad different. I really messed up with an ex, a girl that i love more than anything. We didn't talk for four years, recently she started talking to me again. We started hanging out, and calling a lot and I got really hopeful that we were going to get back together. Then we went to a festival and the whole time she ditched me to hang out with this other guy, right in front of me. God, it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. After the festival i didn't talk to her for a few days, until she messaged me asking if i was angry at her for some reason. I basically told her i was starting to like her again, and she said she appreciates that, but just enjoys being friends... So i was faced with that dilemma... I thought about what she said and went with walking away. It was damn hard, and still is considering this was only two weeks ago... but I'm sure it's the right choice. Trying to be friends with someone you love, or like a lot is just far too hard. Don't you want to feel better? DETACH as fast as possible. The sooner you do, the sooner you will feel better about everything. Or you can just keep tormenting yourself.... the choice seems pretty obvious to me. It's not easy man, but you gotta lookout for yourself. Who knows, maybe she'll even come around when she feels your absence. 1
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