Jump to content

Asking a girl if she's single without her knowing that I like her

notsointerested

By notsointerested
in In Search Of...

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

notsointerested Member

notsointerested

Posted
Posted

I recently met a girl that I find attractive, but she tends to be closed about her life. If I ask her now she might know that I like her and it could be all over this early. But if she is single then that at least gives me some time to work on building this relationship.

 

How can I ask her without her knowing or suspecting that I like her? Is it possible?

Moonborn Established Member

Moonborn

Posted
Posted

What's wrong with telling her that you like her?

  • Like 8
irc333 Established Member

irc333

Posted
Posted
I recently met a girl that I find attractive, but she tends to be closed about her life. If I ask her now she might know that I like her and it could be all over this early. But if she is single then that at least gives me some time to work on building this relationship.

 

How can I ask her without her knowing or suspecting that I like her? Is it possible?

 

Why would you NOT want her to know that you like her? Just be open about it. Say, "I enjoy your company, I like you, so I'd like to take you out sometime."

 

None of this beating around the bush crap.

  • Like 4
  • Author
notsointerested Member

notsointerested

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Well i thought it would be pointless asking if i already knew if she had a boyfriend. Also she works in the same place me but in a different department, but i think i should still be cautious about this

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

When she says or does something that merits it, say something along the lines of "your BF must be happy about that" or "your BF is a lucky guy." If she says she doesn't have a BF, you know. If she agrees, she's taken. Very simple.

  • Like 2
KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

Posted
Posted
When she says or does something that merits it, say something along the lines of "your BF must be happy about that" or "your BF is a lucky guy." If she says she doesn't have a BF, you know. If she agrees, she's taken. Very simple.

 

Sorry but I have to disagree with this..it sounds very cheesy romantic comedy-ish to me.

 

I'm with the posters above..just tell her you enjoy her company and would like to take her out. If she says she has a boyfriend, just laugh it off and change the subject.

  • Like 5
Scales Established Member

Scales

Posted
Posted

Maybe I'm one of the few people that is against "telling" women you like them. You need to show them. Want to know how you solve this problem? Ask her out on a date. Tell her it's a date. Get touchy when you are out with her. Her answers solve all the issues. Or you can be the guy who just goes for the kiss. It's far better to get rejected early on then to sit and play note passing games.

 

The "I bet your boyfriend hates that" line is always solid too though. Honestly though, you should just ask them out. You will get a lot more respect and possibly a look back when her current relationship goes sour.

  • Like 1
oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

Posted
Posted

I'm 50 years old. I was single and dating from 17 until I married at 31 and have been happily married since. In my teens I was afraid some gal might find out I liked her too, so let me give you some advice from someone that has been there/done that and came out the other side-

 

 

- Don't be such a pussy and don't be afraid of your feelings and don't be afraid to pursue your interests.

 

 

If you find some gal intriguing and you want to spend some time with her and get to know her more, ask her out. Don't txt her asking if she wants to 'hang out'. look her in the eye and ask her to join you to a specific activity at a specific time and a specific place.

 

 

If she has a boyfriend and she declines the offer, ask her if she has an identical twin sister that she can set you up with and it can be a double date.

 

 

If she has a boyfriend and she accepts the date anyway, then he must not be much of a boyfriend after all.

 

 

Bottom line here is unless she is wearing an engagement ring or a wedding band, she is open game and you are free to ask her out. If she is in an exclusive, committed relationship it is her responsibility to divulge that when asked out. You are not obligated to determine that prior to asking her out.

 

 

So moral of the story here is ask out every single girl you have an inkling of interest in at the time. Some will shoot you down. That's fine. don't waste another breath on that one and move on to the next.

  • Like 3
guest569 Established Member

guest569

Posted
Posted (edited)

I would ask 'are you single?' or just ask her out and if she declines as she has a boyfriend well, there's your answer. I don't really see a better way. I would get ticked off with the 'your boyfriend must hate that' stuff. Just come out and say what you want to say. I prefer someone with the courage to just ask and to be up front about things.

Edited by smiley1
Eau Claire Established Member

Eau Claire

Posted
Posted

Men often inquire if I am am available.

 

I say 'No,but thank you.'

 

These are men, not boys.

  • Like 1
newmoon Established Member

newmoon

Posted
Posted

i think since you work with her it is more delicate and it can turn embarassing/weird if you do it wrong. i would be a bit cautious. find lots of opportunities to chat, ask her to grab a coffee on a break together, and set up opportunities to chat in the workplace about your weekends, etc. casually say stuff like "did you and your husband have a nice weekend?" "are you and your boyfriend going to that new thing that just opened" etc. if it's done in the context of friendly conversation most women will open up pretty fast and you might not feel like you're outright expressing interest. i have a "work husband" and after about 5 coffee lunches we found out personal stuff about each other. it takes some time if you want to not be obvious.

normal person Established Member

normal person

Posted
Posted

Another vote for taking action and not beating around the bush.

 

But if you really need to know ahead of time, ask her a question like "So does your boyfriend like that you..."

 

If she doesn't have a boyfriend, she'll correct you and say she doesn't. If she does have, she'll just answer the question.

  • Like 1
preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

This waiting until all the planets are lined up to venture forth is just cowardice. You want guarantees before you stick your neck out. Women hate cowards. Let's say she is taken and you talk to her and cheerily ask her out. And she says "I have a boyfriend." So how does that harm you? You just say an exaggerated "Dammit! Why are the good ones always taken" and make your exit.

  • Like 8
kolleamm Established Member

kolleamm

Posted
Posted

If you ask her out she'll tell you if she has a boyfriend or not. Try talking to her at least a few times before asking her out, at least that way she'll have some trust in you.

  • Like 1
KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

Posted
Posted
This waiting until all the planets are lined up to venture forth is just cowardice. You want guarantees before you stick your neck out. Women hate cowards. Let's say she is taken and you talk to her and cheerily ask her out. And she says "I have a boyfriend." So how does that harm you? You just say an exaggerated "Dammit! Why are the good ones always taken" and make your exit.

 

Plus, if she is taken, she could have single friends who she could set you up with. So it's win/win.

  • Like 2
  • Author
notsointerested Member

notsointerested

Posted
  • Author
Posted
This waiting until all the planets are lined up to venture forth is just cowardice. You want guarantees before you stick your neck out. Women hate cowards. Let's say she is taken and you talk to her and cheerily ask her out. And she says "I have a boyfriend." So how does that harm you? You just say an exaggerated "Dammit! Why are the good ones always taken" and make your exit.

 

Right, here's my issue. Time over time I've asked girls out that I liked and the relationship never lasted because I didn't know the girl well enough. Or perhaps I got rejected because we never had things in common or she already had a boyfriend. My logic is to wait a bit, get to know more about her and then make a decision if it's worth asking her out. This is a bad habit but I guess I'm a bit of a perfectionist before making important decisions.

 

Plus, if she is taken, she could have single friends who she could set you up with. So it's win/win.

 

It hardly ever happens, not to me anyway.

 

i think since you work with her it is more delicate and it can turn embarassing/weird if you do it wrong. i would be a bit cautious. find lots of opportunities to chat, ask her to grab a coffee on a break together, and set up opportunities to chat in the workplace about your weekends, etc. casually say stuff like "did you and your husband have a nice weekend?" "are you and your boyfriend going to that new thing that just opened" etc. if it's done in the context of friendly conversation most women will open up pretty fast and you might not feel like you're outright expressing interest. i have a "work husband" and after about 5 coffee lunches we found out personal stuff about each other. it takes some time if you want to not be obvious.

 

We do talk outside of the office, she does seem interested in talking but it's still hard to tell. She has never mentioned her boyfriend to me (if she has one) but then again not many people do talk about their partners to people they just met, right?

 

She's usually busier than me and stays behind at work most days

pteromom Established Member

pteromom

Posted
Posted
Right, here's my issue. Time over time I've asked girls out that I liked and the relationship never lasted because I didn't know the girl well enough.

 

That happens in MOST dating situations. The whole point of dating is getting to know each other better & finding out if you can build a relationship or not. It's not a bad thing. It's good that you keep trying.

 

Or perhaps I got rejected because we never had things in common or she already had a boyfriend.

 

That's ok too. Getting rejected means you are trying. Even if you get rejected 9 out of 10 times, that 10th one may be the one.

 

My logic is to wait a bit, get to know more about her and then make a decision if it's worth asking her out. This is a bad habit but I guess I'm a bit of a perfectionist before making important decisions.

 

No, you are going about it backward. You ask her out, and if she says yes, you get to know her by dating her. The way you are doing it, you are putting a lot of energy into someone you don't even know is available or interested. Find that out right away, so if she says no, you can move on.

 

Even if you find out she is single, put 6 months into grabbing conversation with her whenever you can, spend nights dreaming about how you are going to ask her out, and FINALLY do it, on the 1st date, you might find out that her dream is to have 4 eunuch male slaves who she keeps chained in her closet, and she wants you to be one of them. Or some other silliness that is incompatible with what you want.

 

May as well get the dating started. Or not.

 

She's usually busier than me and stays behind at work most days

 

Just ask her out casually. "Hey would you like to grab some coffee after work?" She'll either say yes or no. No harm done if it is no. Not like you have professed undying love for her or anything awkward.

  • Like 1
KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

Posted
Posted
Right, here's my issue. Time over time I've asked girls out that I liked and the relationship never lasted because I didn't know the girl well enough. Or perhaps I got rejected because we never had things in common or she already had a boyfriend. My logic is to wait a bit, get to know more about her and then make a decision if it's worth asking her out. This is a bad habit but I guess I'm a bit of a perfectionist before making important decisions.

 

 

 

It hardly ever happens, not to me anyway.

 

 

 

We do talk outside of the office, she does seem interested in talking but it's still hard to tell. She has never mentioned her boyfriend to me (if she has one) but then again not many people do talk about their partners to people they just met, right?

 

She's usually busier than me and stays behind at work most days

 

Hardly ever isn't never..and it only takes one click with one girl.

  • Like 2
Ophelia27 Member

Ophelia27

Posted
Posted

Say that your dad bought your mom a really crappy present he thought was considerate. Then ask what her boyfriend gets her that she appreciates. You are just curious because as a guy getting something for a girl is difficult. Just bring it up in casual conversation.

 

"I have no bf" say "oh haha thought you did. My mistake."

 

And if she answers her boyfriend usually gives her this or that you know.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

I would avoid the whole your bf is a lucky guy scenario because its really a lie isnt it......its a hoping you havent one so i can ask you out thing.....i normally say ...do you think so why is he lucky....???.because its obvious fishing.....i feel it is bit weak willed to fish for a woman....... go for the kill shot...do it...if she says no she says no ....if it is yes go from there..be confident...be up front...be open and honest..say what you mean....you can do all this with nerves ..in fact it means more.....if you are nervous and you push them aside..........deb

  • Like 1
xxmusical Established Member

xxmusical

Posted
Posted

Are casual group conversations common in your workplace? Maybe you could somehow drag the conversation to dating and ask, "who here has a bf/gf?"

 

To be honest, if you really don't know her well enough (or if she's not the outgoing type), it would be kind of awkward and pushy if you straight off ask her if she has a bf. Maybe you could hint something like, "is anyone picking you up from work today?" If she says no, you could suggest grabbing coffee together after work or something. If the girl has a bf, she would probably avoid going out alone with you, or at least say something that hints she has a bf.

 

But if you two are friendly with each other, why not just straight off ask her? Just because you're asking if she's single, the girl won't automatically know you like her. It's just a question. :)

  • Author
notsointerested Member

notsointerested

Posted
  • Author
Posted

 

No, you are going about it backward. You ask her out, and if she says yes, you get to know her by dating her. The way you are doing it, you are putting a lot of energy into someone you don't even know is available or interested. Find that out right away, so if she says no, you can move on.

 

 

Personally, I find that if I feel that she isn't interested then there's no point asking, right? If there are obvious signs that she isn't interested then I already know what the answer will be.

 

Of course i will ask if there are some signs that she is interested in me.. But I won't ask for the sake of asking. That's where I give myself time to find out these things, test the waters a little bit and then move in. Is that a bad strategy?

pteromom Established Member

pteromom

Posted
Posted
Just because you're asking if she's single, the girl won't automatically know you like her. It's just a question. :)

 

True, but I would use the opposite approach and just casually ask her out. She will speak up if she has a bf.

 

Another option would be to get a small group of co-workers together to go to a pub/bar/coffee/sushi place after work, and ask if she wants to join you guys. That way it isn't a "date", but you can get to know more about her.

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

As Pteromom said, the whole reason you date is to get to know someone. You don't wait until you think you want to marry her to ask her on a date! Do that, and you really will be badly disappointed.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

i dont preraph about beign sorely mistaken.....I know when i date a guy it is actually in my mind that i want to know him and be with him long term...when i have deviated from this its when i am mistaken..i dont consider dating heaps of different guys fun....i prefer to think of a relationship as being more fulfilling..my ultimate goal is to date just on man........i have fun on dates though....i prefer to know the guy first before i have fun....thats why i often date guys who are my friends first and we actually do skip dating...and are more or less exclusive from the get go.........deb

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...