Just found this forum - this is hard to type - thoughts?

[Kaliska]

I've known this girls since high school and we are in our early twenties now. We met at church but both have moved on from that... We have been platonic friends with mutual friends since day one, small town so like 1 or 2 high schools in the area. We have both seen each other make and lose good and bad relationships and all those things close friends know about each other I guess.

 

When she left for college is when I started to realize/ develop romantic feelings for her. At the same time she began a long distance relationship with a guy she met at school. We are both now living in the same area again and of course we hang out like always.

But now I have feelings inside me while we hang out. It's not hard because I'm so use to being around her with platonic feelings so I know how to "act" like my "normal" self.

But how could I say anything...

 

It's not even worth it because she obviously likes this guy even though he's not around. Wasting precious heart beats if you ask me... But she doesn't.

When she first met this person I told her how I felt, kinda. It was texting and I definitely didn't do my feelings justice. She responded with a regretful "nay" but "flattered" style response. We didn't talk for a few months after that.

 

Back to current time: talking again, hanging out like we use to, both of us are avoiding the last convo I guess.

 

My gut tells me that she is getting ready to end things with her current s.o., just by the overall way she talks about him. But I could be wrong and I don't want to chase ghosts.

I just am not sure what to do the next time I see her... I'm not good at letting feelings like this go without some action...

 

I would never ask for advice normally, but I really care for her and want to do what the most "moral" thing is. Even if that means getting her away from a crazy stalker creep who overthinks everything ( I hope that's not me..)

Edited August 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[marcjb]

Men & women cannot be just friends. Someone always gets feelings. Go find yourself someone who you can be with instead of chasing around a "friend", especially one that's in a relationship.

[newmoon]

see that response from the poster above? they are right. you are wasting time and energy on someone who is truly only a friend. you are not her friend if you have feelings for her, so you either express yourself outright and then move along when she says no, or rejoice if she says yes. but don't waste time on someone who is taken.

[AnneT1985]

I couldn't agree more with the PP's. Best of luck to you! xx

[Kaliska]

I agree with it too...

I do and have sought other women while being friends.

what am I suppose to do when she wants to see me again? I can't just say no then have no reason, that doesn't make sense. But I also don't want to put myself through a relationship that is uncomfortable for me. I am also really confused on why she talks to me at all knowing I have feelings for her while she has a bf.

[salparadise]

I agree with it too...

I do and have sought other women while being friends.

what am I suppose to do when she wants to see me again? I can't just say no then have no reason, that doesn't make sense. But I also don't want to put myself through a relationship that is uncomfortable for me. I am also really confused on why she talks to me at all knowing I have feelings for her while she has a bf.

 

You don't need to give a reason... just say you can't or you're busy. Believe me, if a woman doesn't want to spend time with you, she's not going to worry about the excuse making sense to you. Why does she talk to you when she has a bf... validation, emotional chewing gum, fan club relations. She's enjoying your attention; all the better knowing you're into her. You should manage this on your terms, not hers. Don't be taken for granted. If she's about to split with this bf and you want the next dance, your best chance is by changing the tune... show that you've got a pair. If you just passively go along with whatever she wants, all that will happen is that you'll get the play by play when she hooks up with her next guy.