milkyways Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 Ive been in an on/off relationship with my ex boyfriend for 3 years. We split up 3 months ago.. I ended things first as I was down but he cried and said we could work through it. A week later he said he wants to be alone and we end. I took this badly, I was suffering with depression. I begged for him back. 3 months after him ignoring me and me hearing nasty rumours about horrible things he is saying about me we begin talking. He reasures me the rumours arent true. I explain that im getting help for my depression and anxiety and that im getting better. We both apologised for how we acted. We arranged to meet as friends as ive been avoiding him and worrying about bumping into him. We decided to go for a walk but it was raining so we agreed to see eachother another time. He never texts me first but responds nicely and said he is looking foward to seeing me and giving me a hug. I am finally in a good place after a year of being down but I still love him and I miss him every day. Im not sure if he is over me and just wants to be friends now or if he is just being nice because he knows I havent been happy for a while or if he still loves me too. I dont want to do the wrong thing or get my hopes up. He hasnt replied to my last casual text (weve been talking as friends and he mentioned hes watching a movie we saw together, I responded the next day as I was busy at the time) should I just leave things now.. do you think he is just being nice? Hope you guys can help
54JA Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 I was in a 4.5 year long relationship before, and my ex and I broke up multiple times during it. We tried taking a break, seeing each other as friends, but in the end, it did not work out. I was very young at the time too. What's different from your situation is that I knew he was not the right one for me deep down inside. I knew that I did not want to marry him, but just did not have the courage to end it. It took several tries and finally him finding someone else for me to really move on. I just did not want to be alone. Because you really love him, I know my experience may not be applicable to yours, but he could be feeling what I felt. I still cared about him after we broke up. Especially during those times we talked to each other our break ups, "I still care about you" was the easiest thing to say to avoid saying "but you are not the one for me." It's extremely uncomfortable and unpleasant to tell the other person "you are not the one for me." I have now been in a LTR with a great guy for 10 years. Yes, we do have our little arguments, but we never really really "fight." When one of my friends was having a hard time with her breakup with her ex boyfriend, I asked my boyfriend some questions about it. He said that when you really love someone, you don't break up. You confront the person to work on things. Breaking up is not something you do when you are really committed to the person. Keep us posted on how things went. I hope you feel better. I know it's tough. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 20, 2014 Posted August 20, 2014 I think right now both of you are broken for a variety of reasons, one of them being your break up but that's no reason to get back together. I also suspect that both of you are nice people & that neither of you like that you even potentially hurt the other or caused emotional pain. Compassion is also not a reason to get back together especially when all the things that drove you apart are not fixed. Thus the short answer to your Q is yes, I think he is simply being nice. However, it's often cruel to be kind. You will heal faster & more completely when you stop talking to him & block him from social media so you can't keep tabs on each other.
lovelylilly Posted August 20, 2014 Posted August 20, 2014 I was in a 4.5 year long relationship before, and my ex and I broke up multiple times during it. We tried taking a break, seeing each other as friends, but in the end, it did not work out. I was very young at the time too. What's different from your situation is that I knew he was not the right one for me deep down inside. I knew that I did not want to marry him, but just did not have the courage to end it. It took several tries and finally him finding someone else for me to really move on. I just did not want to be alone. Because you really love him, I know my experience may not be applicable to yours, but he could be feeling what I felt. I still cared about him after we broke up. Especially during those times we talked to each other our break ups, "I still care about you" was the easiest thing to say to avoid saying "but you are not the one for me." It's extremely uncomfortable and unpleasant to tell the other person "you are not the one for me." I was with a guy for five years, and we broke up three times (it was long distance for most of the duration of the relationship). I broke up with him the last break up we had simply because he started acting the same way he acted the first two times he broke up with me and I wanted to beat him to it. Later we sat down and talked and tried to be friends. He explained to me honestly that he just couldn't see himself with me. He said he saw himself marrying me and them being unhappy ten years from now. I loved him deeply, but he just cared for me as a friend, so our friendship didn't work--we actually fought more as friends. What I'm trying to get at, is 54JA has a good point. I think your ex is probably just being nice, and the best thing for you is to just forget him. Trust me, it's hard-I'm there now. But you'll feel a lot better if you let it go and move on. I'm really sorry. It will get better!!
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