djmair Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 I will try and keep this short and first time ever posting on a forum so please be gentle. My problem is that dating has no feeling for me or at least not what I am looking for. 4-5 years ago i was with a woman who..well how to put this. when i was with her it felt like coming home if that makes any sense. when i was with her i never wanted to be so close to a person in my life and there were times where we could feel everything the other person was feeling. it was intense and life changing to be honest. I wasn't the man i am now and couldn't appreciate what i had or was scared of it and lost it. and since then every woman i have tried to be close to fell short no fault of theirs. I have had the privilege to date some truly amazing woman but that feeling i just don't get it and it feels like I am keeping them from something better if i can't feel the same way about them as i did with her. make no mistake i have moved on and that chapter of my life is long over its just the feeling i seem to chase. I am just not sure what to do. If anyone has been through this and looking for the same thing please let me know. It would help to know this is something that can be found because everyone i have talked to seem to not know that feeling to begin with. which is discouraging in itself. p.s. I thought since this is dating related and what not that this was the best place to post but if I am wrong please feel free to berate me and tell me what for.
Dork Vader Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 Okay so i have been in this position myself twice. The first time I was fairly young 22 or so.. Long story short from the first date there was something magical about it. Something that was different.. How ever she was a horrible girl friend. Stood me up on my birthday and numerous other things. When I finally had enough and told her to delete my number I was devastated. I thought I had found my place to be.. I jumped into a relationship with another woman right off the bat. Maybe 2-3 weeks later. When that finally failed.. I was single for nearly 6 months. Then I had a FWB about 2-3 months into that situation I was laying in her bed and it hit me.. I was not over my ex yet. While I was finished with the relationship I was not over it. I was also emotionally drained. It was not that there was no chemistry with the women I dated. All of my emotions were going towards comparing my new dates to her.. All of my emotions were going towards wondering if I could find that again. I simply had no emotions left to create that love spark and difference you speak of. When I finally figured this out I completely with drew from dating. I got into some new hobbies. I concentrated on my career, I traveled, i explored my self. I took a really long break from dating (over a year). I let the door close on my ex and rediscovered myself. You need to do the same. When you finally let that relationship go you'll understand. But right now you have not and until you do nothing will measure up to her.
mirage12 Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 Agree with above. Not sure how long your relationship was and it's also unclear if it was first love for you, but 4-5 years is a long time to hold onto thoughts or even the idea of feelings you associated with your ex. Although you say you've moved on and that chapter of your life is over, it doesn't seem to me like you have...otherwise you wouldn't be feeling this way. What you're feeling should go away with time...but only if you let it. I also agree with the above poster's suggestions - don't date until you're happy/whole again being with yourself. Get new hobbies, change your routine, travel, go to the gym...and then when you're ready, start trying to date again. You'll see that there are a world of other possibilities out there.
Recommended Posts