Rockemsockem Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 I'll keep this concise as possible. - Decided to get back into dating 6 months after breakup. - Signed up for OKcupid - Started chatting with a few people one caught my eye in particular, conversation was good, arranged coffee meetup. - Ended up talking on date for 6 hours went for a walk around the city as well. She was cute, funny and smart and we had lots of shared interests. Ended up just giving her a hug goodbye. I noticed she was a little nervous and I had to carry the conversation sometimes but I'm used to that and was able to pick subjects she was passionate about to bring her out of her shell. - Arranged dinner date for last night ended up talking for about 6 hours again until staff of restaurant were politely trying to get us to leave. She came by bus but we had lost track of time and the last bus for the night had left long ago. -Offered to drive her home. Ended up sitting in my car outside her place for about 10 minutes talking, she was really nervous and keep looking me in the eyes and smiling. When the conversation came to a lull I leaned in slowly and we kissed for a couple of minutes. After we finished she said she had a really good time and I said I had good time as well and that I would talk to her soon. She said ok cya soon and hopped out of the car and went inside. -I sent her a text the next day in the morning asking her how she was doing and some random question about something we were discussing the night before. -She replied in the afternoon saying she is really shy person and that it takes her a while to feel comfortable around others. Said she needed more time to get to know me. She didn't answer the question I asked her. - I replied shortly after saying "That I understood and that I'm happy at going at whatever pace she is comfortable with. That I enjoyed the time we had spent together so far and I found her very interesting, humorous and fun to go out with and that I looked forward to getting to know her better." She didn't reply, hoping she will reply tomorrow but I'm feeling like a bit of an idiot for kissing her. I've gone on a few online dates in the past and I always felt there was a huge amount of pressure to make some sort of move by the second or third date and have had people not think I'm interested (even though I was). I'm happy to take things slow with her, actually I kind of prefer that myself I've have had things go physical fast in the past and have not really enjoyed it much at all. I guess all I can really do now is give her some space and see what happens? I've never really dated anyone shy before so this feels like a bit of uncharted territory for me.
smackie9 Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 I have, and you just have to be the one to do all the work. Joke with her, tease her softly, do some flirting....pull her out of her shell. A shy person needs a confident person to take the lead. Don't feel like you did something bad because you kissed her. She needed that for encouragement. Don't hold back, just be yourself. 2
deathandtaxes Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 Her lack of a reply to your text is disconcerting. But I will say your text was quite weak sauce. You haven't even asked her out! Or am I missing something here? You had two REALLY LONG dates. Shy or not, she spent that time with you. If you want to see her again, you better ask her out. Don't wait for a response to that weak text.
d0nnivain Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 You may have overwhelmed her & now she's retreating. If you let her hide away you may never get her back. Call her. Ask her on another date. Make it something that doesn't scream romance . . . something outside, perhaps during the day. Do try to hold her hand. Make her comfortable. Show her she can trust you. At the end of the date announce that you would really like to kiss her again but keep it light, brief & fairly vertical.
Author Rockemsockem Posted August 1, 2014 Author Posted August 1, 2014 (edited) A few things basically her text really caught me off guard when I was at work and was in no way related to what I had sent her in the morning so it kind of threw a spanner in the conversation we were having. I was expecting her to reply but she didn't. An outside date might not be the best as it is winter here and we are having some awful weather at the moment. 100 k/m winds + rain and she has already emphatically stated she hates the cold... several times. I was going to ask her out yesterday but yeah her text caught me off guard and I was expecting her to reply then I was going to go from there. I went out with friends after work and didn't get home until midnight and realised she hadn't messaged me at all. I'm now thinking about doing the dreaded double text today to try and ask her out. I'm worried I may have overwhelmed her and that she may have needed a bit of space that is why I didn't ask her out right away. I'll try asking her out again today (regardless if she replies or not) and restart the conversation I was just really worried I might have overwhelmed her by coming on too strong. Edited August 1, 2014 by Rockemsockem
Author Rockemsockem Posted August 1, 2014 Author Posted August 1, 2014 I'll also add I'm having a bit of trouble coming up with a date because of the horrible weather. I was just out before and it's horizontal rain and this weather is not going to be letting up for at least a week. I don't really want to do another dinner date (unless I have to), I was thinking maybe bowling I dunno? I don't want to do a movie as I actually want to talk to her but hrrm.
todreaminblue Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 I'll also add I'm having a bit of trouble coming up with a date because of the horrible weather. I was just out before and it's horizontal rain and this weather is not going to be letting up for at least a week. I don't really want to do another dinner date (unless I have to), I was thinking maybe bowling I dunno? I don't want to do a movie as I actually want to talk to her but hrrm. how about an interactive date a museum or an art gallery or planetarium where you have specific visuals to talk about where its engaging and not so horizontal rainish.....deb 1
preraph Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 I think you did the right thing by kissing her. The end-of-date kiss is what puts it out there that you don't want to be friendzoned and it's probably the quickest way to sort out what they're thinking for exactly this reason. It got a reaction out of her now rather than two months of pussyfooting around her and THEN finding out she's not ready or willing. Why don't you try this? Text her and ask her out. "Let's go to the movie Friday. I promise to keep it to kissing only." And that makes her commit right now if she's into you enough for kissing and going slow or decline if she really isn't up for anything.
Author Rockemsockem Posted August 1, 2014 Author Posted August 1, 2014 (edited) I'm in Australia, it's Saturday morning here now we went out on Thursday night. She mentioned she liked pixar/dreamworks stuff. I noticed there is a Dreamworks exhibition on in the city I was thinking maybe asking if she wanted to go see that would be indoors walking around out of the crappy weather, though I'm wondering if that would be kind of lame. Only thing it would have to be for tomorrow short notice as I work during the week and the exhibition closes at 5pm each day. Edited August 1, 2014 by Rockemsockem 2
guest569 Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 That's not too short notice and sounds perfect. And she doesn't sound painfully shy to me, a painfully shy person wouldn't sit and chat with a stranger for 6 hours.. Maybe the kiss made her feel pressured and she might think you were trying to go for sex. Thats the impression i get from her text. I'm sure a potentially lame animation exhibit will take off that sort of pressure haha.
Author Rockemsockem Posted August 1, 2014 Author Posted August 1, 2014 Screw it I just asked her if I she wanted to go. I'm really not rushing to have sex or anything I wanted to make my intentions clear though. Got nothing to lose at this point. 2
Author Rockemsockem Posted August 2, 2014 Author Posted August 2, 2014 (edited) Well she replied. She said she had been wanting to go to that exhibit for some time now but said she can't because she has a exam next week, that she basically wouldn't have a life this week . She also wrote about something else I asked her. I don't think she's lying she did mention on our first date she had an exam this week she should be studying for but was instead procrastinating... Not sure what to do now, feel like I'm been brushed off a bit. Edited August 2, 2014 by Rockemsockem
Author Rockemsockem Posted August 2, 2014 Author Posted August 2, 2014 So I made a joke and asked her when her exam is to try and reschedule. She replied telling me her weeks schedule and it's packed she said it's not usually this busy. Asked me how my week is looking... I get the feeling she is trying to play hard to get now which I really don't have the patience for...
d0nnivain Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 I don't think she's playing hard to get. I think she's genuinely busy & school is her priority. Let her take her exam. The day before her test, send her a text wishing her well on the test. The day after her exam, call her & ask over the phone using your voice not text for a date. 2
Author Rockemsockem Posted August 2, 2014 Author Posted August 2, 2014 Me personally I don't mind talking on the phone. She has said she hates talking on the phone and gets flustered that is the only reason I don't call her. She prefers talking in person or text. Either way I just said to her that I would love to see her again and to let me know when she is free after things have calmed down. She replied instantly saying she would definitely let me know and she wants to see me again too and that she had locked herself out of her place.... 1
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