lostinneverland Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 Hello, would love your input! so this coworker (I'm m, she's f, different floor) started emailing me, I reciprocated and we kept it up. I've since found out she's got 2 kids (3 and 1), a husband but possibly crumbling marriage, and I'm getting a very strong impression that she's wanting something. I may not be the brightest when it comes to relationship stuff, the emails were friendly, slightly flirty, but one of the latest was: "I have a question for you, just not sure this is the place for it.". So I'm flattered that she's into me, she's attractive as well, but the situation is hitting a lot of red flags: coworker, married, kids - plural... lol...it's getting heavy. I'll admit I may have been a bit friendly in the emails at the start, we never said anything outright but things were definitely bubbly... I'll admit I may have been thinking with the wrong body part...it's been a while... I've also talked to a friend about this and I believe the best course of action is to let her down easy...thoughts? suggestions? I'm getting some anxiety over this. thanks!
acrosstheuniverse Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 You don't know what her intentions are, so don't go making it clear you're turning her down romantically unless she actually brings something of that nature up. Reason being, she could quite easily be offended and feel embarrassed and then take it to HR, claiming that you were being inappropriate because she was only being friendly not sexual. What I suggest is just step away from this one, reduce your emailing, make them short and to the point, and don't ask her questions to reciprocate. You shouldn't be emailing about personal stuff during working hours anyway, your boss would view that really dimly when you're supposed to be working, and remember that HR has a constant record if they choose to view it of everything you're both saying, it doesn't look good. Just cut out the emailing and don't get drawn in. Hopefully you've come to the same conclusion but yes, this is a ridiculous idea. Whether her marriage is crumbling or not, she's married, and assumedly was happy until very recently if she's been busy making such recently born kids. You're a distraction, a bit of a flirtation, and working with her will make it hell when it all goes wrong if things go any further.
Author lostinneverland Posted August 1, 2014 Author Posted August 1, 2014 thanks for the feedback and I agree with everything you just said, I really appreciate it! It was fun for a few emails initially, a distraction and a bit of flirt but it's pretty clear this can't really go on cheers
Natsu21 Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 As a person who was in a relationship with a married woman... I'd go against this, BIG TIME. You won't get a relationship out of it But...if your moral compass isn't on and you don't really care...go for it, but don't fall for her. Dude, in all seriousness, find someone single.
mrs rubble Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 One of my co-worker's (different area) has also been sending me flirty emails. It started about 4-5 years ago, it took me a month or so to find out that, he was married. He knew I was single. As soon as I found out he was married, I told him that there would never be anything between us except emails and the occassional hug. He is still emailing me, he is still married. I am engaged again, my partner knows that I email a married man. He knows I'll never stray. My emailer knows I'll never stray. My emailer is just lonely, his wife is a strange lady. He's also a godsend when I'm having a bad day a work, makes me happy to know someone cares and will give me a hug if I need it. 1
AnneT1985 Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 You don't know what her intentions are, so don't go making it clear you're turning her down romantically unless she actually brings something of that nature up. Reason being, she could quite easily be offended and feel embarrassed and then take it to HR, claiming that you were being inappropriate because she was only being friendly not sexual. What I suggest is just step away from this one, reduce your emailing, make them short and to the point, and don't ask her questions to reciprocate. You shouldn't be emailing about personal stuff during working hours anyway, your boss would view that really dimly when you're supposed to be working, and remember that HR has a constant record if they choose to view it of everything you're both saying, it doesn't look good. Just cut out the emailing and don't get drawn in. Hopefully you've come to the same conclusion but yes, this is a ridiculous idea. Whether her marriage is crumbling or not, she's married, and assumedly was happy until very recently if she's been busy making such recently born kids. You're a distraction, a bit of a flirtation, and working with her will make it hell when it all goes wrong if things go any further. Well put! I'd stay away too as much as possible
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