Dee67 Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 Hi all, a little dilemma I'd appreciate advice on. I've been in a relationship for a year now but for weeks now it's getting me down. When we met (on a dating site) he'd been cheated on and had trust issues. We live 45 miles apart and to start with used to see each other 3 or 4 days a week. That's down to just weekends now because we both put less effort in. He frustrates me because he lacks passion, he never shows me or tells me how he feels and to be honest I've invested less and less into the relationship because of this. The trouble is, every time I psych myself up to just come out and ask him if we shouldn't just give it up, he'll surprise me with a text out of the blue 'just because he is thinking about me' - and if I'm honest, I bottle it. So people, how do I broach my unhappiness with him?
smackie9 Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 The honeymoon phase is over, that's why there is lack of interest. There is no getting that back. Sometimes relationships just run their course and they fritter out. What I see is it just not working out. You are not progressing in your relationship with him, so it's time to broach him on whether it should continue.
Author Dee67 Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 That's what I've been thinking for weeks really. On reflection, there was only ever a 'honeymoon period' for a few weeks but I had family stuff going on for months that ended with a bereavement, so I was probably too distracted to notice it wasn't a relationship made in heaven
todreaminblue Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 if it were me i would persevere.....he has previosu trust issues i actually havent met many people who havent developed some sort of issue.....trust issues can eb resolved.....by beign able to trust others...that includes you ...maybe th ereason why he isnt opening up is because of trust he tries with little text messages.......for me hwo i would deal with this issue in yrou relationship is bring datign back to fun and honesty......do you send him texts saying hey just thought about you and think of something humorous you have heard or seen and share it try to get a smile out of him....do you know people who smile more find it easier to share feelings..so....try to get smiles into him.....at the end of the text say ...made you smile....didnt i? after i say that.....normally i have found they always are smiling....trust issues take time and effort but so do relationships....endurance is key...after the excitement settles down i excel in this period because i keep levels up.....i build smiles.....i bond best after the honeymoon is over....because to em excitement comes with uncertainty....once i am certain.....i am prepared....to go the distance.........is he worth it....and do you send random text messages like he does......deb
Author Dee67 Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 Nail on the head there - I don't send him random texts anymore but that's because I got fed up of investing much more into the relationship than he obviously was. For the past few months, the relationship has left me feeling like the bored housewife without the hen party to make me smile. I see him at weekends, I cook his meals, run round taking care of his needs til he goes home again. He's happy to relax indoors for the weekend (and why wouldn't he be?!) but there's no fun, no adventure, no nothing frankly. We did have a conversation quite early on where I made it clear I don't do cheating, so if it ever got to a point where things weren't right and I started to consider straying, I'd end it rather than cheat. Surely a year on if his trust issues are still there it's because I'm not right for him in some way?
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