irc333 Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 I guess this is the whole "bad boy" example. I was at work today and the receptionist asked if I had any super glue...I got some for her and turns out she was gluing together one of those electric key fobs for her car. I asked her what happened?!" Her: "Well, me and my significant other got into this disagreement and he grabbed my keys and crushed the fob underneath his foot" I said, "Wow, you know how to pick 'em lol" She didn't really react to well to that remark, but just gave me a look and I walked away. That being said, what keeps this woman around such a loser of a jerk? 1
smackie9 Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 She's in love, and sometimes love is so selfless (blind).
smackie9 Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 I guess this is the whole "bad boy" example. I was at work today and the receptionist asked if I had any super glue...I got some for her and turns out she was gluing together one of those electric key fobs for her car. I asked her what happened?!" Her: "Well, me and my significant other got into this disagreement and he grabbed my keys and crushed the fob underneath his foot" I said, "Wow, you know how to pick 'em lol" She didn't really react to well to that remark, but just gave me a look and I walked away. That being said, what keeps this woman around such a loser of a jerk? If I was standing there I would have added "wow you sure don't know how to dump them..." 1
aussietigerwolf Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 That would have been an instant dump for me. 2
BlueIris Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 Maybe say, "you deserve better" rather than adding insult to injury. People who stay with abusive partners often tolerate insults and mistreatment. 8
preraph Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 They grow up with something similar and think it's normal, whether it's some degree of violence or verbal abuse or just high drama. That's why so many abused women, even once they leave, end up attracting and letting in another abuser. It's a hard cycle to break because the queues that other people would pick up as a red flag, the victim is blind to or thinks "I know how to deal with that" because they learned to navigate an abusive parent or something, and so they overlook the little things at the beginning, like the small putdowns, and let the relationship progress. 5
smackie9 Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 Maybe say, "you deserve better" rather than adding insult to injury. People who stay with abusive partners often tolerate insults and mistreatment. Not necessarily.....telling them anything falls on deaf ears.
smackie9 Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 btw some find themselves in abusive relationships because they feel they need to "fix" or "rescue" their partner from their negative ways, that their love will help them change...... This goes for men and women. 1
Keenly Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 btw some find themselves in abusive relationships because they feel they need to "fix" or "rescue" their partner from their negative ways, that their love will help them change...... This goes for men and women. That doesn't make it any less stupid to martyr yourself.
Dork Vader Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 Umm who cares? I could understand if she had a black eye. But aside from that it is none of your business. You also don't know that this woman is honest. I just got out of a relationship with a pathological liar. She made me look like an insane jackass to her friends and co-workers. Despite the fact that things were rather the opposite. You don't know that she was not the one who broke the keys.
amaysngrace Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 Breaking your significant other's personal property is domestic violence. You may want to point that out rather than blame her for picking the loser otherwise it's not really constructive...it's just criticism... And it's not very nice to kick someone when they're down. 4
almond Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 I would suggest not making snide comments like this to co-workers. Telling her that she "sure knows how to pick them" is implying that her boyfriend is a douche, and that there is something wrong with her for choosing to be with him. Of course this wasn't well received :/ When it comes to co-workers, unless they are in danger, stay right out of their business. 2
Got it Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 I agree, your opinion was not asked for or solicited. The most I would have said is "I am sorry to hear that". Giving your opinion on her personal life added no value and was just a jerky comment.
AnneT1985 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I would suggest not making snide comments like this to co-workers. Telling her that she "sure knows how to pick them" is implying that her boyfriend is a douche, and that there is something wrong with her for choosing to be with him. Of course this wasn't well received :/ When it comes to co-workers, unless they are in danger, stay right out of their business. I agree completely, almond. 1
smackie9 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 That doesn't make it any less stupid to martyr yourself. I never meant it to be an excuse for their actions, just pointing why some find themselves in situations like these.
smackie9 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I agree completely, almond. Ya better to wait til they show up wearing sunglasses hiding their blackened eyes.
Eau Claire Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I would suggest not making snide comments like this to co-workers. Telling her that she "sure knows how to pick them" is implying that her boyfriend is a douche, and that there is something wrong with her for choosing to be with him. Of course this wasn't well received :/ When it comes to co-workers, unless they are in danger, stay right out of their business. Agree. However, to the OPs defense...hard to pick the right response at that particular moment. As a nurse I deal with some challenged individuals and often think afterwards of what might have been better to say. Anyways..don't go 'there'. Not your place to rescue or comment.
Phoe Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 gluing together one of those electric key fobs for her car. Funny that you mention electric key fobs, because my ex broke mine. He threw my keys. One of quite a few reasons he is an ex. I don't even remember WHY he threw my keys. We weren't in a fight or anything, he was just having a dick moment..
Shepp Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Maybe say, "you deserve better" rather than adding insult to injury. If I could like that twice I would!!
almond Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Agree. However, to the OPs defense...hard to pick the right response at that particular moment. As a nurse I deal with some challenged individuals and often think afterwards of what might have been better to say. Anyways..don't go 'there'. Not your place to rescue or comment. Definitely - I think we've all been in those situations! However, OP doesn't seem to be reflecting on how how could have handled the situation better. In fact, it almost seems like he is gloating about his comment to this woman. OP - your instant reaction was to be condescending and judgemental towards your coworker. In future, if you feel the need to respond, try: "I'm sorry to hear that." "I hope you are okay" etc. Don't be rude to coworkers. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing. Simple. 1
Author irc333 Posted August 5, 2014 Author Posted August 5, 2014 Funny that you mention electric key fobs, because my ex broke mine. He threw my keys. One of quite a few reasons he is an ex. I don't even remember WHY he threw my keys. We weren't in a fight or anything, he was just having a dick moment.. Yep, if you're wondering "Where is this relationship going?" moments...when he does have a "dick" moment, there will be many others. or....keep an extra key fob ready. lol
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