RedTigerNY Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 hi everyone. sorry to keep bothering u all with my posts. i really do thank u for reading and replying. i have an update tho.......... recently i found out she's been talkin to my indian guy friend viraj (who she never used to talk to before) and askin him about me. she never approached him before even tho theyve had a lot of classes together. shes tryin to get close with him for some reason even tho she knows he has a girl (and that theyre real serious, 5 years now). she was gushin about how it was so cool that she never knew they were from the same place, its called ropar in india. right when my friend viraj (the guy she was talkin to) tried to ask her about me some more, like how come she left me and stuff, her boy appears cos she was waitin for him to get out of class or somethin. and then viraj told em he had to leave. yet she isnt contactin me directly... huh? o yea she also said "u can get my number from james (me), we should keep in touch" and "we're gonna have some indian only parties, u and james should come" that in a joking around tone, from what viraj - my friend who was talkin to her - told me. once again, huh?
westernxer Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 Doesn't mean anything, other than she's curious about you. People ask about each other all the time. It's human nature to keep tabs on people you know, for all sorts of reasons. She still has a boyfriend though. Remember? Think of this as a poker game... Don't let her know your draw -- keep her confused as to your status (remember, she has a boyfriend to fall back on) -- and hold your cards until she starts to weaken. Who knows how long this will take, but don't be a pussy about it. Now's not the time to fold.
jen03 Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 Honestly, from reading all your past posts, I think this girl might feel too guilty to contact you directly (because of her boyfriend, and also because she might think talking to you would get her all caught up in you and make her even more confused with her current boyfriend). She probably wants things easy now and doesn't want to stress over much. Trying to decide between you and her current boyfriend is probably pretty stressful or a big decision to her, so she's trying to put it off. Is her boyfriend in a lot of classes with her or are they in the situation where they see each other often? Do they share close friends? Because that might be a major factor, too. If she stops seeing him, it would be way awkward. She might be waiting until she graduates to figure things out. Then she'll be on her own and have decisions and things to figure out for herself. I hope I'm not just giving you "false hope" but this is really what I think...... it may sound horrible, but I'm a pretty laid back girl (and lazy at times) that I'd put off such *big* decisions for a while, and let it rest on the back burner...... it's not that she wouldn't see you as "important" and that's why she's delaying making up her mind, but rather that she sees it as too important that she doesn't want to touch the issue for now.
Author RedTigerNY Posted February 25, 2005 Author Posted February 25, 2005 thanks for ur input. yes western u are right, i cant be a pussy with this. but she also DID tell me to see other girls. so how could she wanna know or be curious about whether im with another girl or not, through askin my friend viraj? i was thinking also maybe im scaring her off/ been scarin her off w all this talk about gettin serious. dunno....
westernxer Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 I understand where you're coming from. Try not to think about her too much, and don't worry about whether or not you're coming on too strong. Let her ask about you behind your back. Soon she'll be asking you to your face, if you play it right. In the meantime, don't even think of the word "relationship" when you see her. This is like trying to predict an earthquake.
Author RedTigerNY Posted February 25, 2005 Author Posted February 25, 2005 haha u are right. so..... strict no contact?
westernxer Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Yes... stay away. She wants a challenge, so give her one. Even if she happens to "run into you" on accident, just tell her you've been busy, smile, and dismiss yourself politely (you've gotta run to take care of something, even it that something is nothing). The key is to build her interest through mystery, because more is less, since you've already told her too much. Even if you feel like breaking down in front of her, don't. Keep it zipped. She'll have to respect you for it. Also, make sure your buddies got your back. If they don't, then they're not your buddies. So far they don't seem to be helping you, or maybe you should start looking for other girls to date. Forget about all the "you're the one for me" jargon. Get amnesia, and forget about it already. It's the only way.
Author RedTigerNY Posted February 26, 2005 Author Posted February 26, 2005 ok. thanx for the support western. u've guided me towards what to do. but now what still bothers me is what she might be thinkin. the thing is i don't see much of her anymore. she doesnt even sign online anymore like she used to. its pretty odd. maybe she just doesnt wanna tempt herself w me, cos whenever we used to be together somehw the topic of sex always got brout up. and now since she has a bf she prob wants to remain faithful to him. even tho she did say she loves me, but cant leave him and loves him too. (i realy dont think shes tryin to play games here tho.) i think moreso im tryin to fig out what is goin on in this girls head. shes tryin to be good for her fam and insists shes listenin to her heart and loves her bf yet loves me too. i really do think shes a good person. i just keep tellin myself "she's confused" and give her time. im not very good at puttin myself in her shoes. from what ive described about her, what do u think is goin on in her mind?
strange love Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 Hey Look I know I posted to you once As I told u before i did NC for 6 weeks and then again for 4 months I know your heart is on fire right now and its hard to focus but not much is going to change in a day or a week even The trick is finding stuff to do.. for me its watching movies or buying stuff or now my latest thing is I have a playstation 2 I havent yet played it, but some of the games look so cool like KILLZONE. Other then that theres lots of other things to do but i just dont have a taste for them so thats it..get the picture? and btw if u have a moment please read my thread I could use any comments.. advice.. words of encouragement strangelove
westernxer Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 Strangelove is right on this one... find stuff to do. Word of advice: Don't worry about what she's thinking. It'll kill you. Worry about what you're thinking, and how you can get over this. It's all about self-preservation at this point. Just DON'T TRY TO FIGURE HER OUT. That's what women do to us, generally speaking of course. You have to be stronger than that, and just replace her with something more worthwhile, like sports or your playstation, or even a good book. Go work out or something, just don't try to figure her out. Figure yourself out.
Author RedTigerNY Posted February 26, 2005 Author Posted February 26, 2005 i f'd up by distancing myself from her when she got a b/f. not bein there for her, stopd talkin to her for a long time, and then all of a sudden tellin her recently i had feelings for her. wtf is wrong w me. guess ill have to spend rest of life figurin out myself and why i did that. in the meantime tho ill try to keep myself occupied... u are right. thanks u all for ur help and support... really i need that right now.
westernxer Posted February 27, 2005 Posted February 27, 2005 Hey, We've all gone down that road where we felt we messed up with someone we cared for... don't be so hard on yourself. You never know what will happen down the line. Never. No one does. That's what makes life interesting (notice I didn't say worth living or tough as hell -- it's just interesting, that's all). Don't try to second guess yourself for something you DIDN'T do, because you can't measure the results effectively. Your withdrawal from her was a natural reaction to a situation that was out of your hands to begin with. You did this to protect yourself, that's all (looks like you were already in self-preservation mode at that point, so good for you), since you had feelings for her before she even hooked up with her boyfriend. Naturally, this is going to hurt. Always does. Just get on with your life and be comfortable with who you are, even as you continue experiencing new things. I look back on some of the girls I've known and wonder what would've happened if I took the gambit and asked them out. They were definitely receptive to it, that's for sure. But I didn't, and that's that. Then they found other boyfriends and eventually married, and that's that. You know what, though? I'm glad I didn't ask them out, because I felt life was pulling me in another direction, and I'd never have the opportunity to find myself had I given in so easily. Remember, she isn't the only girl out there. You might find this difficult to accept at this very moment, and that's alright. Just don't be hard on yourself. The two of you may hook up when you least expect it, but you've got to get over it first. On a side note, check out the movie Swingers (ideal for what you're going through right now). It's a movie guys can definitely relate too, but most girls hate it because it's doesn't reinforce the notions of a stereotypical romance, at least from the "chick flick" perspective. You've gotta check it out with your buddies. You guys will totally dig it.
jen03 Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 Whatever you do now isn't going to draw her near you at all. She might be ignoring you because she's scared to confront her feelings about you. That's why suddenly she's becoming buddy-buddy with your friend, whom she never used to talk to! For some people who aren't mature enough (or something!) to face a person they have "mixed feelings" for, they circumvent the main person by talking through that person's friends. Seems like she still wants to have a grip on you, and she no longer needs to make an "effort" to get your heart in her grasp because clearly she knows (from what you've shown through actions/words!) that you're in the palm of her hand. She has a boyfriend, you don't have a significant other; you said you would wait for her, and true, she *might* be testing you. Earlier you said you didn't keep in touch with her. I hate to say this, but what comes around goes around. She might be doing the same thing to you. You just need to deal with it (sorry), and not be too available for her. She has your number. Depending on her values and sense of morality, she may not (or never) call you because she might see that as cheating on her boyfriend, whom she is probably very emotionally attached to by now. But seriously, there is nothing more you can do now. I DO however have one tad bit of hope for you. If she is the dramatic type (trust me, I have some Indian girl friends, and they like drama ) she might be trying that old "wait for me" while I see other men, and if you truly care for me, we'll meet in several years when we're older and fall in love all over again. That seems to be the storyline for quite a few Bollywood flicks. And my friends were raised on those films, tend to (try to) live out their lives like that! The endings turn out bittersweet sometimes, but I hope this particular girl comes to her senses. Good luck!
strange love Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 Jen03 you seem to have a diferent and refreshing perspective on redtiger's problem personally i dont think he has given NC long enough. I dont think this whole scenario has played itself out yet. I remember someone older then me once told me about how he wasnt susposed to contact his ex (restraining order) and so he just moved on with his life and did allsorts of wild things. at some point 6 months or a bit longer she contacted him and he said it started with tea..In any case I said oh no I should send my ex flowers oh no I should really call I know she wants me to.. He said sometimes no action is an action, he mentioned the book "art of war". So with that said its tough to sit and wait for the other side to make a move..however many battles were won this way. Since you are so insightful I wonder if you might take a look at my thread any advice or encouragement would be welcome, I would do the same for you if you have a thread started Thanks strangelove
Renny_H Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 I doubt she has any interest in you whatsoever. She's playing games, right from the start. Save your sanity and run. She's a heartbreaker, Fullstop. You deserve better.
udelgirl Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 hmm renny may be right, but i think this girl you're interested in is just spooked. i mean, you did say you all had no contact for a year in your earlier post, and then suddenly now you're telling her about your feelings for her!! especially now that she has a boyfriend, i personally think you'll have to work twice as hard to get her attention back. you already have your foot halfway in the door because she has memories of you-- it's not really like you're starting all anew! some girls don't like to initiate things on their own, especially if a relationship/situation is on the borderline and they're confused about their feelings. if she's confused, there is more of a chance of "pushing her over the edge" into remembering loving you again if you keep trying to contact her. because no contact, if effective at all, will just make her feel like she's lost something and contact you out of that need. once you respond IN ANY WAY after the no contact, she'll feel reassured and that'll be that. in this case, continue pursuing her. she hasn't made it clear enough yet that she really doesn't want you around. she's still contacting your buddies. you said that you used to have a really great friendship. i would go the full length, get full rejection, and know then to live your life in peace. you must be going through limbo here.
Recommended Posts