Lolalo Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Hi, I posted before but a summary my ex of 2.5 half years broke up with me citing that he longer felt the same for me. Since then I've been NC apart from contacting him about financial stuff - we lived together. We broke up 5 weeks ago and he went away to work for six weeks. I lived in hope that the space might make him realise this was a mistake (in my eyes) our relationship had basically come out of the honeymoon phase, this is his first long term relationship and I can't help but think he doesn't know that it's a normally transition from lust to reality, maybe I'm wrong. I have been doing my best to just keep positive keep moving forwards and just leave him to it. He deleted me and my family off Facebook early on. We have a lot of mutual friends and it was only at week 5 that he asked someone if I was OK he then said "she'll be ok, she'll find someone better for her". I just cannot shift this stupid hope that he's going to realise this is a mistake. But I've realised I'm preventing myself healing by constantly thinking this. I can't stop looking at his Facebook, it's a ridiculous compulsion, today I saw that he is now friends with a girl that I know, and I know he does not know personally... This literally made my stomach churn because I feel if he's starting to add girls like this he is moving on (I know this sounds pathetic) I don't know whether to just help myself by blocking him so I don't look... And then the other half of me doesn't want to because I don't want to appear weak... Again I know this is just a website but I do have to be on Facebook constantly for work (I work in Social Media). It's toxic and completely messin my head up. And I just need someone to help me get through this. The thought that he is moving on already is burning my heart to pieces x Link to post Share on other sites
melodicintention Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I block people all the time I don't want to see on whatever social network I am using. Facebook is your happy time. You shouldn't feel obliged to continue viewing the source of your pain/unhappiness/frustration. Out of sight, out of mind. Clickity-clack on that block button baby! \m/ You can do it, yes you can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Block him, it will help your healing immensely. If you don't block him, eventually you will see something you don't want to see, either intentionally or unintentionally, and it will set your healing back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I could have written this!! Lol x mine actually blocked me at the time but has recently unblocked me but no contact I don't know what to do either but I do feel as though blocking will make him think I still care & no I don't care what he thinks but I do not want him to think I am struggling or still care & I do strongly believe blocking sends that message x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
marcjb Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Do what is best for YOU. My ex is the one that broke up with me, is the one that did wrong and is the one that blocked me. If she didn't, I would have blocked her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lolalo Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 I'm just struggling so much to come to terms with it because nothing was drastically wrong in my opinion - obviously he didn't feel the same or he wouldn't have ended it. The thought that he is moving on already is killing me, in the meanwhile I'm stuck in what was our house with all the memories. I've come to hate every single brick in this place. I'm just terrified of what's coming, I want to run away from it rather than have to watch him move on. And even if I'm not watching my mind is torturing itself whenever it has too much time... And at the minute that is a lot because I'm stuck in this house in the middle of nowhere no where near any family or friends... :'-( 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Moonborn Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Read my current signature, it helped me lots. And yes you definitely should block him. He is out of your life and you need to heal and move on. I think it is also vital to find something to keep yourself busy. Can't you find something you can do at home? Like, I don't know, modeling or painting or something like that. Even a simple walk outside would do wonders for me. What killed me was just sitting there alone thinking and thinking and thinking... Ideally you would want to spend time with somebody, but if you can't do that anything to keep yourself busy would help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
marcjb Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Besides, why do you care if he knows you are hurt after he realizes you blocked him? You didn't want to break up and he knew that right? So if that's the case it would be natural for you to be hurt. What is wrong with showing that you are hurt? Why would you care if he knows that? Why are most people so adamant about not showing "weakness"? Showing your feelings instead of hiding behind a facade is true strength. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lolalo Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 Read my current signature, it helped me lots. And yes you definitely should block him. He is out of your life and you need to heal and move on. I think it is also vital to find something to keep yourself busy. Can't you find something you can do at home? Like, I don't know, modeling or painting or something like that. Even a simple walk outside would do wonders for me. What killed me was just sitting there alone thinking and thinking and thinking... Ideally you would want to spend time with somebody, but if you can't do that anything to keep yourself busy would help. Thank you and I've been here a couple of times before but from relationships that I knew were no good to me. I'm just finding it hard to see it the way he sees it. The walk thing yes I should do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lolalo Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 Besides, why do you care if he knows you are hurt after he realizes you blocked him? You didn't want to break up and he knew that right? So if that's the case it would be natural for you to be hurt. What is wrong with showing that you are hurt? Why would you care if he knows that? Why are most people so adamant about not showing "weakness"? Showing your feelings instead of hiding behind a facade is true strength. This was a great reality check for me. Honestly I'm trying to appear strong so that he might want me back. But that type of thinking is exactly what is making me feel worse... I've been so busy putting up a facade that I haven't actually acknowledged the reality of the situation and today it kind of finally hit me, it's done and he isn't coming back. I now need to allow myself to hurt and to move on, and stop living in suspension. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Block him if you can't prevent yourself to sneak into his profile. then, block him. Also, please try to stop thinking he'll realize he made a mistake. This is your thought. Since he's adding new girls on Facebook, that could mean he might want to date again. Do not think he'll be back. Most probably, he won't I have my "ex" on Facebook but I unfollowed him so I have no idea what he's up to. Also, I haven't take a look at his profile since I've started NC, one month ago. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 (edited) There is no way to know how he will interpret you blocking him, if he even does at all. What he thinks or you perceive him to think no longer matter, focus on yourself now. In my eyes blocking some one is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Edited July 31, 2014 by FortunateSon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hockeydan Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 In my eyes blocking some one is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. I agree with this. It took me about a month and I eventually pulled the trigger on blocking my ex on all of my social media. I still have days where I want to reverse it, but not being able to look at her profile anymore and see who she is adding as friends is keeping me away from the pain. One thing I have learned is that I do not want to be with someone who is a project. I want to be with someone who confident and has strength in themselves, and I feel its probably the same for my ex. By blocking her, I feel that I am showing my confidence and strength as a person, that I won't settle for anything less than a relationship with her. We are not friends anymore, so why should we be on social media. If she wants to be a part of my life she has to want a relationship, if she doesn't want a relationship she no longer gets to see any part of my life. Set those boundaries, people respect that, and if they don't, I surely don't need anyone that doesn't respect me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
supportlove Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 hey. just wanna say that I totally understand how you feel now. I'd like to share my experience with you and I hope it would help. I was at the same situation as yours. We broke up 5 weeks ago and I 'unfriend' him about 2 weeks ago. I was not sure if I was doing a right thing and I was afraid that by 'unfriend' him would affect the possible chances of getting back together. ( I worked on Social Media too. I know the power of fb on getting a guy back. ) On the other hand, I had to do it. I could not help to stalk him on fb, and any posts from him affected my emotion. I felt miserable. Couple posts I posted on my fb were just try to catch his attention and that was stupid. However, now, I would say it was the best thing that I ever did after the break up. Out of sight, out of mind. It speeded up my healing process. I felt way better living in my post-break up life and starting to pull myself together. Slowly, I'm getting my confidence back. By being a better self, one day he would realize what a stupid decision he made. If he wanted to come back, he had my phone number. If he really stick on his decision, well, nothing I can do. Besides, I gave my best shot in our relationship. He was the one decided to destroy it. What's the point to have a jerk on my Facebook? Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 I agree with this. It took me about a month and I eventually pulled the trigger on blocking my ex on all of my social media. I still have days where I want to reverse it, but not being able to look at her profile anymore and see who she is adding as friends is keeping me away from the pain. One thing I have learned is that I do not want to be with someone who is a project. I want to be with someone who confident and has strength in themselves, and I feel its probably the same for my ex. By blocking her, I feel that I am showing my confidence and strength as a person, that I won't settle for anything less than a relationship with her. We are not friends anymore, so why should we be on social media. If she wants to be a part of my life she has to want a relationship, if she doesn't want a relationship she no longer gets to see any part of my life. Set those boundaries, people respect that, and if they don't, I surely don't need anyone that doesn't respect me. Out of interest what makes you want to reverse it some days? x Link to post Share on other sites
hockeydan Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Curiosity, I want to see what's going on her life. Its a terrible reason to want to reverse it and the main reason I refuse to let myself do it. But the temptation is always there. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Curiousity is a killer isnt it! x Link to post Share on other sites
2Dokie5 Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 I'd say block him. I broke up about 3 weeks ago and I feel preety much the same as you do. Every time I had some free time my mind was going back to her and all I used to do was checking her facebook profile every few minutes even though I had deleted her from friend. I realized yesterday that this obsession will get me nowhere so I blocked her and her friends completely. No tagged pics through mutual friends, no posts, no youtube love songs, NOTHING. In the end if you don't block him eventually you might see something on his profile that will upset you. Furthermore imagine how would you feel if he decides to block you first?? Cutting all the bridges will hurt but he was the one that wanted out after all.Now you need to look after yourself and NC is going to help you get over it much faster. Hang in there!Best of luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lolalo Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 Thank you everyone I have blocked him. It feels better to a certain degree. But I've had a pretty rough day. It's just consuming my thoughts. I'm over analyzing every last aspect of our relationship. Keep trying to tell myself to stop and I suspect eventually I will. I'm determined to come out of this a better person than I ever have before. I'm still just in shock that he doesn't want me or this. I've been here before I know I can get through it. I also know this part hurts like hell! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 If you unblock you have to wait 48 hours to reblock so dont risk it... stay strong x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 (edited) Woo hooo. GREAT move. Now block every thing else!!! And delete all emails and texts and fotos. This is a proactive step in your recovery and it is super liberating. Finally somebody who gets it!!!! Rock on! Cav Ps be prepared to be depressed about severing All the ties. It hurts but it is a step foward even thought it doesn't feel like it. Edited August 1, 2014 by cavalier99 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hockeydan Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 The first 3 days or so after I blocked her, for some reason I felt guilty and crappy about it. Like I was hurting her feelings by doing that, but its been a week since I blocked her and I care less and less that I did it each day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 I actually felt good blocking my ex. She had me blocked initially and would periodically unblock me, I only noticed she unblocked me because old pics would reappear. When I saw she did this, I took the iniative to block her and haven't looked back since. It was very liberating not have to worry about her showing up on my page ever again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 I really do want to do it, i was so surprised he didnt reblock me after 48 hours and I havent looked at his page at all which is good but I cant escape his profile pic which strangely he changed to one of him staring with his eyes right close up at the camera when I always loved his eyes..he has a girlfriend but something is telling me he is doing all this to get my attention.. i could be completely wrong but it all seems to weird! x Id love to block him but I still feel so embarrassed about how I was post BU that the last thing I want is for it to appear I give a sh*t... its a tough one x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2Dokie5 Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 Blocking him is a step forward for you in order to get over it faster not a step backwards showing that you still care. Try to see it that way.You should be proud of yourself for truly caring for someone not embarassed.Get your scattered emotions in line and do it.You are only going to be moving forward then and with every passing day you will care less and less:) Best of luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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