Need texting help with woman I met, When to hold back.

[bobjon]

I am out of an LTR of over a decade. I visited a small town club with friends and a woman that I don't know came right up to me and started with some very direct questions like , how old are you, do you have kids, are you single. She was all over me the whole night, telling me I am hot, kissing my neck, etc.

 

I know her family and brothers but not her, sad really!!! She was certainly drinking that night. We chatted most of the day on Tuesday. Some small chat but she wanted to know why my ex and I did not work, how I like being a dad, etc. She has a little one. I rather like her forwardness in questions.

 

The issue is she is HOT!! Like beauty queen type. I am trying not to compliment this too much as I am sure she hears it daily. I left our messaging Tues with something like, I need to get more stuff done and you need to get to bed so lets call it a night. I followed up in the AM with, lots of work to do but wanted to say hi. She reciprocated. I was sort of hoping for just a good morning text or something...

 

Since Yesterday AM, I have not texted her. I really don't want to lead on too much but what the heck should I do here? I have heard that it is best to not seem all that interested. Just not sure.

 

I should mention that FAR beyond her looks, we get along really well and honestly sort of a bummer that she is so damn hot because I am a little concerned... I might be a 7 and she is a 9, well a 10 to me but.... Her previous BF and fiance was a chiseled work of art but I am betting quite a dick or lets just say I know I have a lot more to offer in personality, humor, and charm. I am athletic but will never be that dude!

Edited July 31, 2014 by bobjon

[melodicintention]

If she's really that hot, you will certainly ruin it by texting her. Well-grounded, intelligent, attractive women who are hotly pursued by men are quite put off by guys who rely on texting. It makes you come across as either a player or a highly insecure guy.

[smackie9]

Drunk and all over you? You are just a flirtation for her frail ego....don't let it go to your head. Tip: be wary of attention whores.

[Dork Vader]

Sigh...

 

QUIT PLAYING GAMES!!!

 

You are attempting to seem uninterested so as not to come on to strong and be sort of hard to get. You're going to push her away if she is a mature adult.

 

That said quit with the whole I'm busy bs. Quit with the whole I have a lot to do today.

 

You basically shot yourself in the foot with the whole "good morning I have lots to do today" that is going to come off as nothing good. If you were seriously dating I could understand it if you were really going to be busy. But you were hoping to start a conversation with her again.. Yet told her I can 't talk I'm busy..

 

That said just talk to the woman. Let the conversations happen and flow.. Get over your insecurity that she is super hot. Big flipping deal she is just another

 

Relationships should happen on their own. There should be NO rules.. There should be no hard to get.. None of that..

 

If you want to text her text her. Just say Good Morning... Have fun get to know her.. Don't worry about coming on to strong.

[Dork Vader]

If she's really that hot, you will certainly ruin it by texting her. Well-grounded, intelligent, attractive women who are hotly pursued by men are quite put off by guys who rely on texting. It makes you come across as either a player or a highly insecure guy.

 

I'm not a hot woman. But I have been on the flip side of this.

 

It's not texting that is the issue. It is the inseurity. It does not matter if you call or text the insecurity will come out. It's a huge turn off.. The games are just out right annoying.

 

Be confident.

[bobjon]

She is certainly not a player and I am not either. She was hurt bad in her other relationship and I was too. We are both in the same boat. I know she is not out texting 5 other guys. She said she is very timid with talking to other guys right now. She wanted to friend up on FB and stock me, etc. All in good fun though.

 

Regarding insecurity, I have issues here and don't want to line myself up to get hurt. It seems very premature but we hit it off instantly and I can think of this one as much more than just a date which is probably too forward thinking I know.

 

She is a single mother working 2 jobs and pushing hard for her independence. I know she was the party and frat boy type 5yrs ago though. I am not that type at all and not sure if she is really that different yet.

[bobjon]

Drunk and all over you? You are just a flirtation for her frail ego....don't let it go to your head. Tip: be wary of attention whores.

 

 

Her brother was standing there when this went down and gathered this was a little out of character for her. She made very sure I had her number and would call her.

 

Now..... I do have some concern of the beer goggle issue. I mean, I have done it..... After I met her, I made sure to taper down so I did not become a drunk idiot. She was certainly not slobbery, stumbling drunk, but certainly happy....lol

[Assasda]

What youre doing OP is the absolute wrong kind of thought.

You no nothing about her previous relationships, so dont try to compare yourself to any of the men that were in her life.

It shows your insecurity, and women can smell it on you.

 

Anyway, you should contact her if you have any interesting stuff to tell her. Dont tell ask any generic "how are you's"

You should even ask her something serious about the news or something like that

[Mrin]

She made sure you had her number and would call her...

 

Have you? If not, call her up and ask her out on a date. That's not needy man. That's a guy who goes after something he wants.

[Dork Vader]

You can not live in fear of being hurt your entire life. Get over it..

 

Enjoy the relationship for what it is NOW. Have fun with it.. Beer goggles or not she is interested..

 

Even if it was beer goggles she would not have said "i was hoping you text me good morning" if she was not interested.

 

You've got nothing to be insecure about. As far as she is concerned you're a hot guy she wants to explore something with you. So freaking explore it.. Have fun take the relationship for what it is NOW. If it is ment to be it is ment to be and will happen..

[bobjon]

Just to clarify, she has not said anything in text like "I was hoping you would get in contact". However, she is certainly not being short with me or anthing, rather asking me pretty detailed questions about my former LTR, my kids, etc.

 

I realize I am probably over-analyzing but that seems to be my MO. I went ahead and shot over a text asking how her afternoon was going. Nothing back yet but I know she is very busy as a single mom, 2 jobs, training for a marathon, etc. Guess I figured she might shoot just a quick line though.

 

Sorry if all this seems a little gay. It has probably been 20yrs (high school) since I have met anyone like this that is what I consider a total package.

[bobjon]

Well, I am kinda having that feeling that this thing has flat lined.....

 

I texted today early afternoon. I really don't want to call because i know her schedule is stupid busy. Not even a peek yet so I texted back in the evening just asking her to shoot be straight, that I AM interested, and I don't want to bother her otherwise. We had a pretty open line of communication from the start so I would sort of expect her to at least just cut me loose or something.

 

Oh well, I guess I will ride from here on out and plan to go out with friends tomorrow and chase tail.

[Dork Vader]

Okay..

 

 

Never again ask a woman if she is interested. Their actions will tell you whether or not they are.

 

 

You need to quit thinking the worst. Be positive.. If she or any other woman does not respond to your text messages. Simply tell yourself they are busy. Get out of the house exercise, do something, anything. Eventually they will respond if they are interested.

 

 

You need to tell yourself if they do not respond it is their loss. No matter how flipping hot or awesome you think that woman is. You are just as much of a catch as they are. If they don't respond it is THEIR loss not yours.

 

 

That said if you'd like to read a book to help you deal with some of your insecurities I highly recommend The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden.

 

 

Confidence and self esteem can make an average person hot.

[bobjon]

Are you saying that my round about way of texting was saying "are you interested"? Because I never asked specifically. My text was along the lines of, "how are you, if you don't want to talk, just let me know. I AM interested in you but a little new to this texting game (I am) and I don't want to be a bother, we have had very open communication so far so just talk to me."

 

I might very well be blowing this out of proportion but my instincts say otherwise. In my experience, if a woman has interest, they like to communicate. We had very open communication the other day with a LOT of personal questions. Sort of our of character for her to just bail but I guess I might not know her.

 

Regardless, I plan to go have some fun Fri and see what the weather brings. Apparently my tight cowboy jeans and Tshirt works so I will go fishing for something....lol

 

Dork, thanks for your replies. Obviously I have some attachment to this one. I am usually not this held up on one woman. A lot more than just looks here.

[Versacehottie]

i think the problem is that you are wording things like you have already lost. A confident person doesn't even think like that. You should just assume she wants to talk to you, go out with you. In fact, I don't know why you aren't. She's kissing on you and asking all those questions. Um, yes, safe to assume that she's into you. Even if you have doubts because you are analyzing to death, proceed every interaction AS IF she likes you and wants to hear from you. That positivity is confidence and attracts people to you. It's not about knowing the texting game. Try to get to know her. People don't have the "final" answer about whether or not they are interested necessarily. That is a evolving thing. If you act with confidence, you sell yourself through your actions and words and interest in her. The only thing you need to worry about with texting is keeping momentum going, don't be predictable, be interesting and interested and ask her out! some people prefer to be asked by phone so move it to a phone convo if you think that about her.

[Dork Vader]

The whole text of "how are you? If you don't want to talk to me let me know" comes off as clingy. I mean really think about it. Let's say you got a text from a woman in the morning you chatted up then got busy. 6 hours later she hits you up with a "how are you? If you're not interested let me know". That flat out says you're already doubting her interest in you. It also shows you're going to flip out if she does not respond to you.. Not really desirable traits...

 

Now don't freak out she might let it slide.

 

Send her no more messages until she contacts you!! When she does be yourself.

[bobjon]

yep, I probably turded the water with my insecure text. However, I guess I should remind myself that if she is half the woman I think she is and is or was interested, she will let this booboo slide...

 

I appreciate you mentioning the fact that she was all over me the other night. I am only having a hard time with this because I tend to wonder if this was more or less drunken bad decisions but she seems to recall everything!

 

We have both been burned bad in our former LTRs and both timid in moving forward with anything. I kind of wonder if that is more of what is going on with her. Resistance to try this. Her ex actually left her when she was 6mo preg!!!!! Talk about a loser!!!

 

I am also brand new to texting believe it or not....lol I reminded her of that in my text so hopefully she takes pity on me. She is a VERY nice woman. I should feel lucky enough that she was all over me in front of ALL our friends and her family, even introducing me to them. I should seriously be bitch slapped for not kissing the other night!!!!

[bobjon]

Well...... Finally got word back. She does not seem put off at all with my texts but said she had been talking to another guy for a month and wanted to see where it goes with him and did not want to 2x with me. She said if it went nowhere, she would contact. I see this as a nice way of saying "you are not it"

 

Instead of going prick on her, I thanked her for her honesty and told her a I want the chance to see if we work and wished her the best. We have had a few texts back and forth but I have stepped up on my game that I am very interested. I also made it known that she was the aggressor the other night but I have plenty of my own aggression she aint seen.

 

She seems to recognize I am a good guy but whether that is what she wants, I just don't know. I figured as long as she shoots me texts, I will respond and not be an aggressive prick. I sort of wanted to rip her ass about screwing up a sure thing with another girl that night for her but it probably saved me from a clinger.

[d0nnivain]

Pretend the technology didn't exist. Pick up the phone. Call her like a man. That gesture alone puts you head & shoulders above all the texters.

 

You are an adult man with a child, not a scared little boy who has to hide behind his smart phone because he has nothing to offer a woman. Start acting like it.

 

Your lame texts make you seem desperate, unappealing & insecure.

 

It doesn't matter what she said about the other guy. Ask her on a proper date.

[bobjon]

Well, I requested to call her. Told her I want to talk and she can break up with me on the phone or in person. Told her I would happily stop by too....lol

 

I don't think it is appropriate to outright call her right now since she sort of cut the cord... Figure I might ask.

[bobjon]

LOL, let me give a play by play and see what you guys think. I told her I wanted to call her or just show up. She nipped at me reaffirming that she will not talk to 2 guys at once.

 

I kind of apologized and told her to take care. She keeps popping in new texts and such, I keep responding. We are sort of a little off subject of "us" but I guess if she feels better with texting and we are still talking, I am probably picking up points...??

 

I did make the mistake of asking her "type". I got mostly superficial things like tall, dark, handsome, good teeth, etc. Not good signs... I might be fighting the wrong fight here.

[smackie9]

Well, I requested to call her. Told her I want to talk and she can break up with me on the phone or in person. Told her I would happily stop by too....lol

 

I don't think it is appropriate to outright call her right now since she sort of cut the cord... Figure I might ask.

 

breakup with you??? You were never in a relationship with her! so what if she sucked face with you that night...I told you, you were just a flirtation, she was being an attention whore silly wabbit. Women don't have to be slobbering drunk to let their inhibitions down, a couple of drinks will sufice. She was just having a good time that night. You misinterpreted it as something serious, and blew it out of proportion. She is not looking for anything serious. Now with your text messages, she saw her mistake and blew you off with a story she has another interest, blah blah. It could be the truth or it could be a lie, but any case she is getting rid of you.

 

And yes it IS inappropriate! she already told you she is giving some other guy a chance (possible bs). Stop clinging onto her damn leg, she already shook you off stop climbing back on.

[preraph]

She felt free to ask a lot of "qualifying" questions because she is confident and not afraid to show interest but also not afraid to end it if she feels it's not right for her.

 

I think you should call every now and then because texting doesn't really help you much to get to know a person. The problem with texting all the time is that it is a time-sucking nuisance. Instead of texting a lot, make what you text count, but don't use it for trying to get to know her. Do that in person and on the phone. Certainly there are some girls who seem to want to text 24/7 and i guess some guys too, but they seem to be mostly young immature people with nothing better to do. Ideally, you have better things to do that sit around texting someone all day. Ideally, you respect your employment enough not to waste their time by using it to frivolously do personal texts. Let's say you liked a woman who worked at a day-care center and she was sending you 30 texts a day from work. Wouldn't you reach some conclusions that she's not very serious about her career?

 

If someone is texting you randomly and for no substantive reason but just "Hi" drivel around the clock, don't you think they should be doing something more productive with their lives, like working or volunteering or going to school or going to the gym or seeing the world?

 

Except for those with too much time on their hands, too much texting is like waving a flag saying "I have no life." It's best used for saying "I'm parked on Elm, will meet you in the lobby."

 

And don't even tell her how good looking she is! The only time anything like that should be mentioned is when you pick her up for a date and you say "You look nice." Period. No one wants to be liked just for their looks.

Edited August 3, 2014 by preraph

[bobjon]

I hear you guys! I appreciate it. Regardless, we seem to still be chatting a bit and she seems to want to maintain some sort of contact. I think a lot of this is that we both single parents and have common ground, our personalities seem to match well, and we get along really well.

 

However, I am wondering about take the advice here to go ahead and reduce contact with her. What is stuck in my head is that if she really wanted to see me, she would probably blow off this other guy to get us together. She outright said she wanted to see where that goes.

 

To be honest, I sort of think this might revert back to looks for her. I don't want to be the guy she 'settles' for. I realize my insecurity stands out here and I am hoping not to show my hand to her on this.

 

There is a wedding for one of our friends next weekend and she sure wanted to know if I was going. I threw in some comedy to the effect of "why not bring your date so we can raise the awkward bar a bit". She said she was probably just going with her parents.

 

I know a lot of people say women can end up attracted to someone other than their ideal mate but I sort of question if that sort of thing really lasts? I was not excited when she asked me how tall I was. That to me says "I am sizing you up physically".

 

I should note that I have tried to end this several times with "take care" etc. She keeps texting back. I am probably breaking the rules here but even if we are just texting, we are learning about each other. I am confident there is another guy, got word of that from someone else but I do not think they are really dating or anything. Some part of me thinks as long as we are staying in contact, I will be on her mind if she is with this other guy. I also sort of think if I play this right, things could work out next weekend at the wedding. I think if I can get a kiss in there, we can finally find out where we stand.

 

The big things I have going for me is all our friend network, I know her dad, and hang out with her brother. Our personalities also seem to indicate we have no issues talking.

Edited August 3, 2014 by bobjon

[mrs rubble]

I hear you guys! I appreciate it. Regardless, we seem to still be chatting a bit and she seems to want to maintain some sort of contact. I think a lot of this is that we both single parents and have common ground, our personalities seem to match well, and we get along really well.

 

However, I am wondering about take the advice here to go ahead and reduce contact with her. What is stuck in my head is that if she really wanted to see me, she would probably blow off this other guy to get us together. She outright said she wanted to see where that goes.

 

To be honest, I sort of think this might revert back to looks for her. I don't want to be the guy she 'settles' for. I realize my insecurity stands out here and I am hoping not to show my hand to her on this.

 

There is a wedding for one of our friends next weekend and she sure wanted to know if I was going. I threw in some comedy to the effect of "why not bring your date so we can raise the awkward bar a bit". She said she was probably just going with her parents.

 

I know a lot of people say women can end up attracted to someone other than their ideal mate but I sort of question if that sort of thing really lasts? I was not excited when she asked me how tall I was. That to me says "I am sizing you up physically".

 

I should note that I have tried to end this several times with "take care" etc. She keeps texting back. I am probably breaking the rules here but even if we are just texting, we are learning about each other. I am confident there is another guy, got word of that from someone else but I do not think they are really dating or anything. Some part of me thinks as long as we are staying in contact, I will be on her mind if she is with this other guy. I also sort of think if I play this right, things could work out next weekend at the wedding. I think if I can get a kiss in there, we can finally find out where we stand.

 

The big things I have going for me is all our friend network, I know her dad, and hang out with her brother. Our personalities also seem to indicate we have no issues talking.

I think you should play it cool.

I used to have a crush on a super good-looking guy, I managed to capture a bit of interest from him, but he was off-hand to me and I felt like he was just sorta stringing me along a bit. When I backed off and practically ignored him, he was onto me quick smart.......by then I'd lost interest in him because I'd seen how superficial he was and how self-absorbed.