Gaeta Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 So this man (44) appears to be very sensitive with a big kind heart, he's a nurse and I think usually it means these people care and he seems to in our previous conversations. So here's the humor he gave me during our first face to face encounter. He's telling me about his big family and how they are close, he asked me how old were my siblings so I start by saying there is me 48 then one brother is....and he cuts me off and says with a smirk 'you're 48! you're old'. (I deeply hate that, he knew I was 48) so I reacted with a smile saying 'who cares I look good!'. I am thinking the bad joke will end there but no! he goes on with 'so why you single then !!??' to which I replied 'cause I keep meeting morons?'. And he jumped to another topic. I like him, I like the whole package he has to offer but I can't shake that damn smirk with 'you're old!'. Maybe it was nervousness on his part?
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 I like sarcasm & biting humor. But his remark was too nasty. Most women are sensitive about their ages. I like your moron crack; it was most appropriate but it doesn't bode well that it seems to have gone over his head. We can "fix" his lack of sensitivity but stupid is hard to overcome. If he apologizes . . . maybe assuming everything else is good. Otherwise . . . next.
CarrieT Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 to which I replied 'cause I keep meeting morons?'. And he jumped to another topic. I like him, I like the whole package he has to offer These two comments don't jive for me... Okay, he said "you're old" and that didn't sit well. But you then insulted him with the moron comment and had it been me, I wouldn't have continued the conversation with you. You like the whole package(?) but insinuated he was a moron... Sounds like you both aren't communicating well from the get-go. 1
Dork Vader Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 Meh we all say stupid things.. You clearly have an issue with it or you would not be posting about it. Yet you're still interested in him.. Just give it a chance.. Sum it up as nervousness.. I'm sure at some point you've cracked jokes that hurt other peoples feelings. I'm sure jokes have gone over your head before.. I highly doubt he missed the moron joke. The lights likely came on and he was a deer in the headlights... Been in that position my self.. No harm in giving the guy a few more dates to find out if it will continue. 1
serial muse Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 I dunno, seems weirdly mean and aggressive to me. I don't understand why anyone on a first date would spontaneously and rapidly go negative like that. Maybe it's nervousness...but I guess I find it hard to believe it's not just misplaced anger. In which case, no thanks. 1
Author Gaeta Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 These two comments don't jive for me... Okay, he said "you're old" and that didn't sit well. But you then insulted him with the moron comment and had it been me, I wouldn't have continued the conversation with you. You like the whole package(?) but insinuated he was a moron... Sounds like you both aren't communicating well from the get-go. To me, he put me on the spot twice in a row. 1ST with the age, then when I answered who cares I look good he put me on the spot again by saying well then why you single? I felt bombarded and confronted.
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 So walk away. What other options are there? You can't reform him & the time for the zinger has passed. 1
serial muse Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 how did you leave things at the end of the date? have you made plans to see this guy again?
GorillaTheater Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 and he cuts me off and says with a smirk 'you're 48! you're old'. (I deeply hate that, he knew I was 48) so I reacted with a smile saying 'who cares I look good!'. I am thinking the bad joke will end there but no! he goes on with 'so why you single then !!??' to which I replied 'cause I keep meeting morons?'. And he jumped to another topic I'm usually pretty good at knowing when something's funny. This ain't it. Dude was trying to "neg", and fell flat on his face. 2
GorillaTheater Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 most females respond positively to negging. If I had any confidence that you've ever gotten laid in your life, I'd ask you about your success rate. But I don't. 6
writergal Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 I had to look up "negging" online using Urban Dictionary. So basically a guy hides his insult in a back-handed compliment, hoping that the woman would recognize the actual insult, and give the guy another chance for a second date. That's negging. Wow, that's underhanded. 1
writergal Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 most females respond positively to negging. Only the ones with low to no self esteem do, probably. Couldn't edit my previous post, change "would recognize" to "won't recognize"
rewl Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 I like him, I like the whole package he has to offer but I can't shake that damn smirk with 'you're old!'. Well, he's not wrong...
Author Gaeta Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 What do you mean women respond positively to negging, how? Did I responded as he wished?
Author Gaeta Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 how did you leave things at the end of the date? have you made plans to see this guy again? The comment about my age happened like only 5 minutes into the meeting. So after this we talked about different things and he told me about finding his bio father not long ago. He's talkative and interesting. It just started really bad, well on my end, like someone said women don't want to be told they're old not even in a joke. He was leaving this morning for the US and coming back Monday. We agreed to make plans when he returns.
Author Gaeta Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 Well, he's not wrong... Ya but who cares, I look good 1
Sunfire73 Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 I too don't think the age joke is funny. It's more as an insult. I remember my exh, he used to think insults are joke, but it didn't end there. His insults got bigger. I think those who think it's funny are insecure, but that's just me. I have a good sense of humor but it doesn't have to be in a form of insults.
rewl Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 Ya but who cares, I look good Silly me. I've been brainwashed into thinking it's not all about looks
gaius Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 It was a bad joke but I don't think you can expect anyone to be pitch perfect on the first date. If you enjoyed the rest then forgive him for his stupidity.
gaius Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 If he does something along those lines again though respond by cracking something similar at his expense.
Grumpybutfun Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 Gaeta, IMHO we show our best up front. I don't tolerate much because I ignore and don't accept bad behavior from others so I'm treated very well by everyone I choose to interact with. Life is too short to have to fight for others to be decent. G 5
GemmaUK Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 What do you mean women respond positively to negging, how? Did I responded as he wished? I guess if you stayed out on the date then you did. If you have happily contacted him since then you did. You are skipping from one to another to another. Don't accept when a man gives you sh**! Joking or not that was not pleasant. You don't get that where you work do you? Why accept it as OK in your private life? His humour sucked. I liked your response. He is a moron. I would have left asap though. 1
serial muse Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 Life is too short to have to fight for others to be decent. G So true! (ten chars) 2
serial muse Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 she likes him. negging works for good looking guys. unless you have direct experience to back this up, not convincing, sorry.
GorillaTheater Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 but you still agree that negging works? I think playful teasing can be a great way to flirt. Emphasis on "playful". But you better know your audience. This guy obviously didn't, five f*cking minutes into a first date, and it wasn't playful but merely asswholish. Sounds like the night went okay, but it was in spite of that bit of poor judgment, not because of it. 2
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