Justsimplyliving Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 Alright. We had been together for around 11 months. We are both 21 years old. Heres my story, my now ex girlfriend has been dealing with anxiety etc her life always known to say and act on things she doesnt mean I know this because I have known her for years. Our relationship at the beginning had some ups and downs but has been a pretty nice relationship. I will agree before I moved into my house which was a very recent move that we were spending way to much time together. Every few weeks she wakes up second guessing everything from school to work to her life to me. Usually I give her enough time and she is fine usually about a week, but this time I got sick of it and pressed for an answer and the answer I got was I am not happy not just with you but with everything going on with myself. I love you but I need to love myself more. Sense we have been broken up I have been alot more distant as far as texting etc I did go to her apartment to get some things which resulted in lots of crying on her end. I now have been texting her alot less but she always seems to text me first. For example have a nice day, I hope you slept well, I'm sorry, I put myself into this mess things of that nature. Even some random texts just to start a conversation. This girl is the love of my life and I really dont know the best way to go about being back together. Once together I know how to keep us together which is obvisouly spending a little less time together and a little more time with our friends. I am just curious if she broke up with me why is she so upset and constantly trying to talk to me? Just looking for advice. Thanks!
nightowl1 Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 I'm actually dealing with a girl just like yours, only she's 19 not 21. This is the second time she has pulled this "idk what I want, I need to know myself". My advice, don't try and get her back. At least not right away. They'll promise this and promise that only to put you back in the same situation when all you did were the right things. Just go to no contact. Tell her I'm sorry but I can't be an option. Your either in or your out. You either get all of me or none of me. No in between. Give her space and time to decide, but don't dwell on it. Move on yourself and if its meant to be shell contact you once shes decided. Don't force her to love you because trust me it will only make things worse for you and harder for you to leave later. Its a hard road when you had feelings for her, but you can't let her play with you like this. It will only get better and once the fog of love disappears, you'll see how not perfect she was for you. You can break or make any habit in 21 days.
Author Justsimplyliving Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 How do you start off the no contact like do you have to announce it or just stop replying because I just barely ever reply and appear very busy. I dont think we exchange more than 2-3 text a day, in my situation I really think she has no idea whats going on I mean she has been through alot recently and is crazy stressed. I am fine taking a while from talking at all but I dont want to seem like I am just being a dick ignoring her. Btw this is all about 3-4 days fresh!
nightowl1 Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 Mine was about 2 weeks ago, it'll get easier. There's a thread thats pinned with how to do the no contact. You can't text at all, not 1-3 times a day. She's confused and not sure if she wants to let you go but you can't be dragged around while she thinks. I would just stop responding, if she questions why, just tell her I'm giving you time to think. You might come off as a dick but thats just a natural reaction. She's the one being a dick to you by not being able to decide if she wants you or not. You need someone that knows without a doubt that they love you and theres no question in there mind. I was in your same exact position but once I realized that I wasn't being the dick, she was, your sadness turns to anger and that anger will help move you forward.
Author Justsimplyliving Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 I dont think I will have an issue with the no contact. And if she asks why I am not replying I am going to have to be brutally honest and just say clearly you have no idea what you want and I have no business talking to you until you do. The thing is, I dont think she doesnt know if she wants to be with me of not I think she is unhappy for some reason and is seeing if not being with me is making her any less happy. Which from how she is acting doesnt seem to have worked. But you are right I cant be dragged along for the ride I need to do me until she figures her **** out. Has your ex tried to contact you yet? Or do you not want to be with her?
nightowl1 Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 At first I was a mess. It came out of nowhere so I was confused and wanted answers. I would plead and beg but this girl just didn't like me anymore. I mean she was on the depo shot which makes her hormones crazy and maybe thats why she stopped liking me. I then started the no contact, she would send messages every once and awhile and I would try my best to not respond. But sometimes she would say something that I just had to respond to. She was messing with my head. She almost made me think I was the bad guy when shes the one who ended it all. A part of me still wants her back. Its more the lifestyle I want back. Coming home to someone that loves you is a pretty good life. I've been doing no contact for a couple of days now and its really help me realize that she lost more than I did. I actually have a whole post about what happened. I treated her like a princess and if thats not good enough then she can go find someone else.
Author Justsimplyliving Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 Thats a little different for me. This girl loves me and if I called and said I loved her right now she would say it back with no hesitation. I really feel as if she is just so stressed out that she thought ending it with me would help the issue and now she is contacting me everyday because she doesnt know what to do. She even said " how could you be there for me if I put myself into this mess". I am not sure what that means to be exact. I am going to go NC for a while if she asks me why I havent talked to her I will tell her I am no one seconds choice. I have to do whats best for me. Dont get me wrong she didnt treat me bad and I didnt treat her bad. She just goes through alot for whatever reason. I really do want to be with her though if ever possible.
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