blackpajamas Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 Ah yes, the line as old as time. "I don't know what I want right now." Long story short, been dating a girl for a month. We've been intimate, everything seems to be going well. Met her for a day out, ending up meeting her friends later in the evening over drinks. On my way home (we live about 80 minutes apart) we text a little bit. I say I like spending time with her, yadda yadda. It is at this point that she says she wants to be upfront with me and say that she doesn't really know what she wants right now, or what she's looking to get out of life. She's currently living at home, working a retail management job and has always talked about moving away. She says that she usually just backs out, because she doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings but that this is something she's working on. She tells me lastly that she'll keep me in the loop regarding her feelings. I read all of this as "I'm not interested in a relationship with you". I'm going to back off completely and give her space. I won't be texting or calling. Part of me wants to do a preemptive break off. I might end up doing that in the next couple days. Am I reading this right?
Andy_K Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 Question is, what do you want? If you want a relationship with this girl, best move on as there is only drama ahead. If you just want to date her, sleep with her, have fun etc and see what happens, then just keep your distance a bit and don't put any expectations pressure on her at all.
Philosoraptor Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 What is your comfort level? Are you fine with her seeing/sleeping with other people while she is seeing you? Are you comfortable being "exclusive" without being in a relationship per se? Take her honesty as a positive anyways. Figure out what you're comfortable with and how long you're comfortable waiting.
Diezel Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 You are reading the situation 100% correctly. A woman who is deeply into you would never say anything like that. Keep her as an option but definitely not her primary option, because apparently you aren't hers.
nerdlingZA Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 What is your comfort level? Are you fine with her seeing/sleeping with other people while she is seeing you? How can he be comfortable with this ?
Author blackpajamas Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 I was lookin for exclusive dating, a relationship if it happens. Maybe I should be tell her this just so she understands what I wanted. I wouldn't be ok with her seeing other people, so if she wanted that it would be over.
Philosoraptor Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 How can he be comfortable with this ? To each their own. Some people are fine with that. I was lookin for exclusive dating, a relationship if it happens. Maybe I should be tell her this just so she understands what I wanted. I wouldn't be ok with her seeing other people, so if she wanted that it would be over. Yes, set the boundaries. You can let her know you are ok being patient before putting a label on what you two have, but you want to be exclusive during this process.
Author blackpajamas Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 Actually I don't think I want to say that, I don't think there's a point to telling her what I want now. She clearly understands that I'm interested, I see no point in reiterating that. She wants me, she can come find me. Been around the bush too much to worry about it.
Zippy2000 Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 "I don't know what I want right now." The old cliche of "That old chestnut"! Comes to mind.
Fondue Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 "I don't know what I want" actually means: "I don't want you." There's your answer. Walk from this one. 1
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