hugznkisses21 Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 Ok so as u all know and Im sure u guys are going to give me **** for overanalyzing and that im going to ruin this is going to ruin that let me just go right into it. Ive been with my first Long term bf now for almost 2 year. Pretty exciting eh? Im am. Hes 24 in 22. He has been in a long tem things with other girls before me but nothing ever this long. We live about one hour away frome achother with our respective parents. So i see him on weekends and maybe one a week if all is well with work, family stuff etc. I love him with all my heart and i know he loves me. I think what i need is to just get this out this morning and thats it. Eventhough he is very wonderful at saying he loves me and he cares and misses me...which is cute cause hes one of those manly men that have to be tough infront of the guys I get so down when I talk to him or see him and he just seems almost "normal" like a friend and not all excited like he used to get when we first went out. He used to google at my skirts, and grab me and stuff and now im just so missing that. Mind u he is like that sometimes but i am alsways getting scared that when he isnt all like that I get afraid of this "falling outta love thing" My ex told me one day outta the blue he wasnt attracted to me anymore and im just afraid of hearing soemthing like that again....so i make up these red flags in my head. I KNow he isnt my ex and he is so special and wonderful....he has his moods and his moments but he tries to do what he can for me to show me he cares its just man I miss the way we were when we first startd dating...even up to a year....and now its winded down....almost like when i do see him after a week its like he treats me like i have been with him that whole week like we are always together. I guess cause he has had long term relationships before he is used to this honeymoon over phase but i was really diggin it. LOL For instance i talk to him on the phone this morning and its like Me -Hey Him -Hey Me -Hows it going? Him -Ok u? Me -Not bad Me - -How the concert Him -Oh it was good but im paying for it today im beat Me -Oh thats not good Me - what are u gunna do though eh? Him - I guess your right nothin Him- I love you Me - Love u too And so on.... I think what im looking for eventhough now that i look at that i think what the hell is my probelm I think its just sooo casual i feel like we just talk and act that aquintences when really i want passiona dn love in his voice.....and i want him to want me all the time....i miss being jumped and him chasing me arouhnd for sex. The thing is we only see eachother once a week and he acts like we see eachother everyday...u know....in think hey I saw u over a week ago dont u want "IT"!!!
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 yes yes i think i know i read this in another post...im possible afraid of him being bored with me
EC Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 I know exactly what you mean. BUt you know your in the comfort zone and thats great. I have only been with my bf for a year and I fell into the comfort zone and I was freaking out. I kept thinking hes falling out of love, he doesnt want me anymore, he is seeing someone else. I mean i drove myself crazy. He didnt cuddle as muCH. Our conversations were hey hey wassup how was your day good and yours it was good ok well ill call you back at nine my minutes oh ok then i love you bye i love you too bye Thats it. And I only see him once a month because we have an LDR. But one day we were sitting on the couch and his head was on my lap and we were watching a movie on a saturday nigth instead of going out drinking or clubbing like we used to..and he looks up at me and he asks.. "Babe do you know what my happiness is?" and I said no what? " he said this right here sitting on the couch, you rubbing my head, watching a movie, no pressure, I can just be myself, This..this is my happiness." I never worried again. I know its hard to miss the honeymoon stage but I mean some couples as soon as the honeymoon stage is over they fall apart. They realize it was just Lust and not Love. Be happy that even after the honeymoon stage you are still happy with eachother and can still get along. If it really bothers you casually bring something up that you miss and tell him he hasn't done it in a while. Like for example he used to kiss your nose just say damn babe you know you haven't kissed my nose in a while...I really miss that. I guarantee he will start again. Its not that he doesnt want to do it anymore but you just forget those little things sometimes as you get more comfortable with someone.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 Its great to hear that cause you feel so much better not thinking ua re the only one and he is just making a slow exit to leave u. He does enjoy sitting and doing noting with me and always says isnt this great!....im thinkin cool but them im thinking grrr i miss the gushy lovey stuff so much. Is you passion for lovemaking still there when u see him once a month cause for him eventhough I see im once a week hes like oh im tired im stressed and it sucks cause he used to jump me u know. I guess now that we are comfortable u see just how normal life takes its toll on your SO..... *sigh* My bf isnt the romatic pour his feelings guy i wish he wouls say somthing like that though and i think i would feel better....
EC Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 I know what you mean. My bf is very much the macho man , have to be cool in front of my boys but then in the room he cracks up when I tickle him. When he comes down once a month he comes for like a week. Before he used to jump on me during the airport ride home. Not so much anymore but I mean it isn't always going to be perfect you know. But when we have sex the passion is there. That i can't deny. But our sex life did get into a rut when we became comfortable with a routine and it was like do this do this finish ok thats it roll over and fall asleep. BUt I had to liven things up a bit. I bought a couple toys, outfits, heels. We got back into it in no time. My bf doesn't say mushy thing either so when he does Im like OMG. That time he told me that on the couch I never worried again because I knew it took a lot for him to say that to me. And even still I talk to my bf about everything and I asked him straight up one weekend that we only had sex once after not seeing eachother for a month..and he said even though we only had sex one time I had the best weekend. Its not like other relationships that you need to hacve sex to be happy and have a good time. We get along so well and had so much fun that sex wasn't even that important. I mean it is important but it isn't everything anymore. Loving eachother is. I was scared about the comfort zone even wrote a post about it, I dont know where that post is now, but LS calmed me down and now I see what they were talking about.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 Oh thanks EC for your posts. Yes the passion is there when we have sex to...its just in the beginning we would have alot more sex and now its like...im tired or this or that and sometimes it makes me feel neglected but i suppose u are right that he probably feels that he doesnt need it as much to be happy cause we are comfortable with eachother. Its funny cause i was like u know im going to be alot less needy and try this comfort zone thing like him and he was like ...whats wrong u haev been acting weird...lol
EC Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 lol I know I did the same thing LOL I thought if I acted a little distant he would come after me more but it didnt work and then he thought I was acting weird. Just act like you normal self and just enjoy your relationship. I also focused on me a little more too. I had stopped working out and stuff so I started againa nd all the things I used to do for myself I started doing again and he was all over me again. Its not a bad thing to be comfortable you know. Its a good thing and it took me a while to realize it. Im so happy you feel better. As long as the passion is still there and you have fun with eachother I dont see a need to worry.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 Thanks I feel so much better today cause of you! Actually we are going to cuba next sunday....so any ideas on how i can rejuvinate some more passion tha we have been perhaps lacking. Plus im a bit worried as well cause this will be the longest amount of time we have ever been together (1 week) and I am looking forward to it but a bit afraid if u know what i mean
EC Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 Big time. When I went to visit him for a week in school I was freaking out. lol I actually went to Ivillage.com and looked up some advice. I just acted like myself and had fun. I tried to not think about the relationship and just enjoy the relationship. As for things to heat things up what i did was flirt with him. Yeah flirt. Tease him. I forgot what it felt like to flirt and he was very turned on by just little things like flirting with him and telling him during the day the things I was going to do to him that night. I also like I said bought a little lingerie outfit and surprised him walking out of the bathroom wearing it for him and modeled a little for him lol. Also another good thing was just suprising him with sex. Because sex became so routine and expected i did it when he wasn't expecting it. For ex. He was on his computer studying and I was in the living room watching tv and i thought to myself what the hell. SO i walked in his room and gave him a real naughty look and he raised an eyebrow. So i locked the door and moved his laptop out of the way and sat right ontop of his desk and spread my legs (I was wearing a skirt) and grabbed his cheeks in my hands and gave him a passionate kiss. Lets just say we went at it after that and he was like damn i forgot how sexy you are.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 heheheh excellent work!! I think maybe at time too he wants me to be all frisky and come after thats why he back off a bit....but im not the agressor usually...soemtimes i can be wild but sometimes i feel like a goof cause i may do it and hes like im sorry im just really tired...and im like WTF!! But i see what u are saying..............i think im going to pack some sexy stuff and we can romp around the resort at night!!! lol Gosh i just miss it just happening cause we were new...not having to be so creative u know...cause it was just ripping eachothers close off cause it was still fresh and new
EC Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 I know man but it happens. "They forget and need a little reminder." i feel like a goof cause i may do it and hes like im sorry im just really tired...and im like WTF!! Lol that goes back to communication. You have to talk about all this though. I do with my bf and thats how I constantly know how he is feeling and whats going on and what i need to do. Even if he is a macho man I bring it out of him. And I know its hard to talk about these things but I mean after its all said and one and in the open you learn a lot and feel alot better. For ex: I used to rub my bfs head with my nails all the time and he would loooove it and for some reason I just stopped. I didnt even notice it untill months later i did it and hes like wow that feels good damn babe you haven't done that for me in a while. I remember thinking damn I really haven't. and I didnt mean to stop I just kind of did. Then i was mad because we didnt make out as much. In the beginning our tongues would play tonsil hockey all day long and then it just went to little pecks and pop kisses. I didnt feel wanted because we didnt make out as much so I told him. And he said I never realized it meant so much to you Im sorry. Now we are making out like teenagers playing spin the bottle. I think maybe at time too he wants me to be all frisky and come after thats why he back off a bit....but im not the agressor usually...soemtimes i can be wild but sometimes Me either thats why it was such a turn on for me to do that and it blew his mind. I did have a little alcohol though lol that always helps in loosening me up lol. Take an outfit, jump on him and rock his world. lol
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 i think we have very simular relationships. But i did communicate with him on this and he said in a sad voice...sometimes i just want u to chase after me....so he does want me to chase him down for sex...i dunno crazy guy!
EC Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 OMG same thing. He needs to feel wanted too. I am not much at all the aggressor type and he feels because he has to do all the work that I don't want him. Or that he doesn't turn me on sometimes and that I just do it to satisfy him. Sometimes they like to feel that at one point we look at them and want them so much that we have to just jump them at that moment. If hes said you need to chase him then thats his way of saying I need you to want me. Its kind of hard at first to be more aggressive, but I kinda liked it after I took the lead for a while. And he definitley liked it. But I mean dont do it unless your comfortable but dont not do it for fear of looking goofy. Now if you try and he says hes tired and needs sleep then thats when you have to say hey hold on you want me to jump you but when i do you turn me down WTF! lol But I think you'll be fine. Pack some sexy outfits, jump his bones, and enjoy his reaction.
Mz. Pixie Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 Most men are not going to say they are tired if you're coming on to them! I have yet to see one that would unless he was sick! They liked to be wanted and desired. That's a BIG deal with men. Men equate sex with love. They feel loved if you're pursuing them, making them feel hot. Never forget ladies, if you're not making your man feel hot- someone might come along that does! My man loves for me to take the lead once in a while. He wants me to want him and try to turn him on. He likes for me to meet him at the door and pounce on him. Here is a good tip. The next time you are sleeping over- make it a point to pounce him if you wake up in the middle of the night to pee or whatever. I did this to my man and he almost died. I started kissing all over him and rubbing him and I whispered "I am so horny" in his ear when I knew he was awake. Man, he was allllll over me. I love to tease him too over text or e mail or on the phone. One night we were meeting and he was kind of tired and I said well we don't have to do anything tonight if you're tired. He said, let's not be hasty here baby! Also, he has told me before in relationships the women didn't like it that he "expected" sex when they would stay over. So, I make a big deal out of telling him every once in a while, "I hope you know I'm expecting sex this weekend and lots of it".
EC Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 Exactly Ms. Pixie. If you dont do it another woman will. You have to be a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets to keep your man.
tanbark813 Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie They liked to be wanted and desired. That's a BIG deal with men. Men equate sex with love. They feel loved if you're pursuing them, making them feel hot. Never forget ladies, if you're not making your man feel hot- someone might come along that does! My man loves for me to take the lead once in a while. He wants me to want him and try to turn him on. He likes for me to meet him at the door and pounce on him. Here is a good tip. The next time you are sleeping over- make it a point to pounce him if you wake up in the middle of the night to pee or whatever. I couldn't agree more. Mz. Pixie hit the nail on the head. To hugz, I really don't think you have anything to worry about. It does, however, sound like you expect him to take the lead when it comes to the romance. It sounds like you're a little passive about things. If you're feeling neglected, maybe you should take it upon yourself to spice things up whether that be physically or during phone conversations. I'm not saying it's all your fault or anything, or that you're doing anything wrong, but you also shouldn't expect your man to always be the aggressor. A lot of guys get bored if they're not chased back. We don't always want to be the ones to have to initiate things.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 great advice tanbark...thanks!! I think Cuba is going to be a good time for me to take charge and jump his bones!!!
tanbark813 Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 Originally posted by hugznkisses21 great advice tanbark...thanks!! I think Cuba is going to be a good time for me to take charge and jump his bones!!! Atta girl.
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