tintinnabulation Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 (edited) This could possibly be a long read, just so you guys know. I'm going to try to shorten this story of mine as best as possible, so please bear with me. If this does happen to be a bit long and you're not in the mood to hack away at the paragraphs, there is a summary of what the main gist of this topic is about at the bottom of my post. Also, I did not know of any other section to put this topic in; if it happens to be in the wrong section or if there's a more-suitable section for this topic, I would be greatly appreciative of a forum moderator re-locating this topic. Thank you in advance! I met this girl around November of last year on another site that I frequent on. For a quick background story, I've never had a girlfriend during that time, and I was very delusional on my perception of romance and relationships. Anyway, this girl barely had anything in common with me, and she was a bit young (I am going to be 20 soon, she was 15 at the time and turned 16 around February). So already, I guess you would say that those two bits of information would discourage me from dating her. However, I fell hard for this girl. She was almost like my polar opposite, in some way. I guess the best way to explain it would be that she was kind of like the preppy, popular girl in high school while I was more of the laid-back, goofy dork. We ultimately had nothing in common other than we liked a few Japanese animation series and... well, I guess we both liked the movie Frozen. Other than that, we would often argue about historical topics or ideals. When we didn't argue, we would often talk about futuristic things such as our careers, what our lives would be like, and even marriage. Yes, even marriage. After she turned 16, we started to get a little frisky on Skype (which we used often to call each other/webcam). No, she didn't show me anything that would land me in jail; I told her from the beginning that it was a huge no-no and I wouldn't want my own girlfriend to do that, anyway. She did offer at one point, but she didn't just tell me up-front. She said something about how she isn't ashamed of what her body looks like and she doesn't mind her boyfriend seeing it. I did not allow her since that's illegal, but I will admit; she was really attractive for a 16 year old. The only thing we did do was talk dirty, and that was really fun. In fact, that's what I really miss the most from her, as bad as that sounds. I won't go into any further detail, though. Back on focus, we broke up about three times within the six months that we dated; me being the one who initiated the breakup all three times. The first time, I cannot even recall the reason why I broke up with her. The second and third time, it was because I kept feeling like I was "holding her back" for some reason. I mean, she was a really intelligent, physically active young girl and I'm just some moderately attractive guy going to college and playing video games/surfing the web all day. I'm not really sure what else to say about this. We would always get back together the next day, though. Of course, she broke up with me around the first of June. She said something about having to worry about her and her mother's health issues, and she believed the relationship was turning unhealthy as a result. In her defense, we had not been talking much for three weeks before her breakup. Oddly enough, instead of arguing with her, I accepted it rather quickly and that was it. I'm surprised I didn't even fight to keep her. We wouldn't text at first, but now she texts here and there, talking about casual things and acting as if there was never anything between us. She told me how she hangs out with these groups of people that she considers "friends" and that they are helping her, emotionally. "This guy named _____ taught me how to use a skateboard." It hurts, man. It's like she tossed me away and clings onto these other people. Thinking about this random guy holding her as she balances on a skateboard just adds salt to the injury. Then she won't even tell me how her or her mother's health is. I asked, but she said it is "a secret for now." EDIT: I left this out, but I feel it is worth mentioning. I really love this girl. She's all I think about, almost. I really wanted to spend my life with her, and my God does that sound like the most cheesiest, somewhat-creepy thing to ever say. I don't know how I devoted so much investment into her when we didn't even have that much in common. Is this what a first love is really like? It's freaking brutal, if it is. Another problem I'm facing is the relationship I'm currently in right now with another girl that I met from that same site (I'm really starting to just detest online dating right about now). This feels exactly like a rebound relationship, and this is where I really believed I felt like I screwed up. She loves me a whole lot, and I can tell that she loved me even back when I was dating my ex. She has always been more of just a friend to me, but after I lost my ex and she gave me more and more attention... I just gravitated towards her. I appreciate her and she's still the greatest friend I could have, but I just do not love her in that way. We have a lot in common, unlike my ex-girlfriend, but we are not compatible, sexually. She has her own interests and I have mine. Equally, I do not find her all that physically attractive. Yet, for some reason, I decided to date this girl who is 17 years old; she'll be 18 in October. Even worse, I joked around about being married to her and all this other stuff. She has a very low self-esteem, and I really messed up about joking with her about something that makes her feel I'm 110% committed to her. I feel really bad, and I did not mean to do that to her. I really need to tape my mouth shut, I swear. - - (for the guys who did not bother to read the above paragraphs and scrolled down, here's the gist of what this topic is about). How can I get over my ex-girlfriend? I understand that I need to follow the No-Contact Rule and I plan on utilizing that as of now. I stopped texting her a few hours ago and that's been it. How can I get over her when I'm not texting her, though? I am always thinking about her, and I really wish I could cut that out. Was I wrong for dating her at the age she is? I mean, maybe it wasn't much of an age gap, but still. Should a nearly-20 year old guy even be romantically involved with a 15/16 year old? Even I could tell that, despite the slight age difference, we were clearly in different points of our lives. How can I breakup with my rebound relationship without hurting her feelings? She has really low self-esteem and I've already made empty promises to her about the relationship, basically committing to her. How can I fix this? How can I break up with her without breaking her? How can I move on from her, afterwards? Lastly, how can I STOP committing so easily? I'm beginning to think I'm a romance junkie in some way. How can I just do what everyone else does and go with the flow? How can I stop myself from jumping into topics like marriage? Why can't I just be laid-back when it comes to relationships? Thanks for reading this guys, and thanks again for any helpful advice. I started to volunteer at a hospital, take more credit hours in college, and work out more to give myself less free time; I just need to clear my mind on what I talked about above. I can't imagine how bad this would be if I met these two girls in real life rather than online, nor do I even want to think about that possibility. I just need some help, guys. Even if it's generic or "told so many times", anything I can get would be greatly appreciated. I also might of went all over the place since my thoughts are completely scattered right now. If you need me to clarify anything, just let me know. Edited July 31, 2014 by tintinnabulation Addition of Information
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