Salvageable? Or did I blow it?

[sleeplessindallas]

Yesterday I worked a full day with the guy who was hitting on me. I almost always work at that location, but had only had a half-day the day before. Although we work famously well together and did, there was no flirting. I did notice him checking me out at one point, though.

 

I know I’ve raised shutting men down almost to an art form because I can do it and still be pleasant, nice and very friendly, and I don’t lose friendships. This is a well-honed skill that started to develop when I was a teenager. At this point in my life, unfortunately, it has become a knee-jerk reaction, and sometimes I reconsider later. With guys my own age, I know what to do. But this situation is very different, mostly because I have a really hard time, still, despite what everyone has told me, wrapping my mind around the likelihood that he was actually serious. I’m scared to death that if I were to bring it up, I would embarrass myself.

 

I would really like to revive the interest and see what develops, but I am having a hard time figuring out how to do that without potentially embarrassing myself. I’ve considered trying to approach it humorously by saying something like, “Hey, just so you know, you really didn’t scare me at all. Actually what scared me was that for a half second, I almost took you seriously when you said you wouldn’t mind if I chased you.” Smirk. I could almost get away with that, but working up the nerve to say that eludes me right now, so I’m wondering if any of you have some tried and true method for reviving interest in a situation like this.

 

In another interesting twist, we may not end up working together all that much longer. Our company is a little unstable and insolvent and my job may end up being eliminated within the next couple of months. This guy and I have talked about where we are going to go to work (together) if our location closes, but that is probably unrealistic to think we will find jobs at the same place, so in that respect, I’m thinking this may be a situation where I will have to strike while the iron is hot. The talk about continuing to work together occurred prior to the flirting, and I have no idea what his thinking was. I mentioned it off-handedly yesterday, and he said he had talked with our boss’s boss, and he is virtually guaranteed a position in another location. My situation is not so promising. Of course, it worries me that if we do get separated, we’ll probably lose touch with each other since work is our only common ground.

 

So what would you suggest to see if I have blown this opportunity or if he is just laying low because he thinks I’m not interested?

[westernxer]

If you work together don't do it, unless you like living dangerously.

[haywood]

just ask and find out. make your small talk and ask him if he'd want to hang out sometime. you'll find out pretty fast. i don't think going out with someone in the workplace is that bad. do you think this guy would be in your life any other way, maybe not. so count your blessings. anyways, just do it. it's easier than you think. good luck.

[sleeplessindallas]

We have a guy at work who is like a big goofy puppy. All of the guys know I have been in law enforcement, but this one guy gets a kick out of teasing me by making believe he is using kung fu against me or something. He never touches me, but he’ll raise his hands and make goofy noises like he thinks he is a ninja or something. He just does it to make me laugh because he knows I would take him out in a heartbeat if I thought he was going to hurt me. He’s just goofing on me. He’s probably about 28. I either just ignore him or jokingly threaten him back and it’s all in good fun. Half the time I think he is just going to hug me. He’s the one who calls me “Mom.” Today he started doing that to this guy, J, who has been the subject of my posts. I was watching and J just completely ignored him, raised an eyebrow, but never even acknowledged what was going on other than that. He knew I was watching. Finally, I said, “You know, he does that to me all the time, too, J. What is UP with this guy?” I was just trying to have some fun and tease the “ninja master”. J says, dryly, “Yeah, well... I bet I don’t get him near as horny as you do, though.” I was, once again, stunned beyond words. We all laughed and I turned away to let them sort out whatever the fallout was. I am sure the ninja boy was stunned that I even let J get away with saying something like that, but J and I are on the same page as far as this goofy guy goes. We both just love him, but have reservations about working with him, and on some level it was a private joke between us about the guy and what a goof he is. On another level, I guess it makes it quite clear what J’s thoughts are about me. I think I will respond in some way, but I haven’t decided exactly what I will say yet. It’s bound to be something smart-alecky and funny, while also making it clear that “I get it now.” Shortly after this happened, I went to lunch, mostly just to gather my thoughts and my wits. It’s like, just about the time I had figured it was just as well that the flirting had stopped, it starts up again, and I was totally unprepared for it.

[sleeplessindallas]

Today I worked again with the guy who has been the subject of my posts. We obviously don't work together every day, and several days can go by when we don't see each other.

 

This whole business has been weighing heavily on my mind lately, as you're well aware.

 

Today he was in the same location I was in, and he was not feeling real well. I was passing through his work area at one point during the day, knowing he wasn't feeling well, and stopped for a minute just to chat. Nothing serious at all, just the usual nothing stuff. It was really nice to just chat with him. I realized that the curveballs he has been throwing me have thrown our friendship off, and I haven't been as comfortable with him as I had been. He really had been my best friend there and that had been strained by his comments. I had been missing our relaxed friendship, and today it was back. It just felt so good to be back in the comfort zone when I was helping him with what he was doing and we were just chatting like old times. That is how it had been - I would pass through where he was working on something, and while we talked, I would just pick up something and start working with him, or if I needed help with something, I would exhaust all possibilities first, so if I went to him for help, he knew I really needed it and would normally drop what he was doing to come help me. This reciprocal help has been the cornerstone of this wonderful friendship I had been enjoying right up until he started making those comments that made me a little edgy. I just didn't know what to think or what was going to come out of his mouth, or if I should take it seriously or if it was just that was paying me a compliment that was meaningless.... I still don't know, but I do know I had really missed this closeness that we'd had and it seemed so good to have that back today. As I've explained, it isn't an emotionally close friendship, but just that feeling of teamwork that's a bond in itself that we enjoy. If he never makes another comment or never hits on me again, that's fine. I don't want to lose this good feeling we have when we're working on something together. I just realized today how much I had missed our friendship.

[R O B J.]

You're double posting! I just finished giving feedback regarding "known-a-long-time-but-just friends-boy" to find you lookin for help with your office crush. You sure are needy!