alex44103 Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 (edited) I'm 20 years old now and the relationship lasted 4 years. We started going out when we were both 16 and she was great. Really affectionate, loving but very very clingy to me from the get go. When we got together she had no friends at all and over the years i slowly but surely introduced her to my friends and they all got on with her. We had a lot of problems after a while mainly because her. I told her that I needed time to myself and she hated it and over time she needed to see me every single day. I started seeing her every day and when were 17 she convinced me to get her pregnant. I was young and dumb at the time and she did fall pregnant only to miscarriage. After the miscarriage she immediately wanted to try again but I had realised I was not ready for a baby and told her to wait until we were older and had a house and money to which she agreed. We had a loving relationship but with many arguments over her paranoia and her need to see me constantly. Now after 4 years together she suddenly dumps me for someone at work. I was completely shocked when she did this as she was still her loving clingy self and wanted to try again for a baby a month before she left me! She didn't tell me their was someone else just that she "didn't see the relationship going anywhere" and "I didn't try hard enough". My two friends who are girls have suddenly started going out with her and told me that she had only been talking to this guy from work for 2 weeks prior to breaking up with me and she went on a date behind my back the day before she dumped me. She also slept with him within 3 days of breaking up from me. I found this out and messaged her saying how could she do this to me and she just ignored me and now acts like I never existed at all and I'm the bad guy. I'm extremely confused how a person can change so much in such a short amount of time. She needed me to be with her everyday and had serious abandonment issues. She was also talking to my friends behind my back saying I was controlling and other nasty things. It's as if she was two different people and showed me the nice side and hid the nasty side. She also had a habit of kissing girls when she was drunk and for some reason I just let it slide because I was so in love with her. She made me feel like I was the king of the world and always complimented me :/ I suspect she could have Borderline personality disorder as my sister who is a psychiatric nurse told me many times that she showed traits of someone with the disorder due to her clingyness and constant need to see me. She has always been extremely self conscious of her body too. Whether it was her weight or eczema she was unbelievably self conscious and even cover her body during sex even after 4 years of being with me and a regular sex like. Because of her low self esteem I would never have dreamed she would leave me any time soon then she's running off into the arms of another man even with all of her self esteem problems :S Being without her I have been able to reflect on some things she said and during our first year of the relationship she told me she kissed another guy after an argument we had. Now that I think about it I have a feeling she may have slept with him as when I brought up the kiss she would have a really guilty face and I just felt like their was something more but I chose to believe her rather than face the possible truth because she was/is my only love to this day. Would she really cheat and then say to me over the years that she is really happy that we have only slept with each other? It seems like quite a cruel thing to do if she did cheat on me. So do you think she has cheated on me in the past? Do you think she could have a possible Borderline personality disorder or am I just looking for a way to excuse her insane behaviour? Do you think she actually ever loved me at all? I'm completely lost right now and people's opinions would really help to get my head around this. Edited July 31, 2014 by alex44103
bubbaganoosh Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 I don't know if she cheated on you or not, but it doesn't matter. What's important is that you had better learn a lesson real quick my friend and that lesson is, "Before you pack it, you better wrap it". It's obvious that she has serious issues and you thinking with your little head instead of big one were one step from being saddled with her for the rest of your life. She's young, not real bright and immature and so are you. Why in Gods name you would want to bring a child into this world when both of you aren't grown up enough to handle it. I'm sorry that she lost the baby but in all honesty, IMO that baby gave his/her for you so you could have a second chance. Well now you got it so for Christ sake don't blow it. Leave the girl go. And while she's gone, start growing up, do something meaningful with your life so you can be happy without the weight of raising a child with a very confused girl.
Dork Vader Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 What's it matter now what she did in the past? The relationship is OVER. If you're dumb enough to get back with her you deserve the pain that comes with it. She was not a loyal faithful girl friend. Your relationship was plagued with issues. She then ditched you for another guy!! How selfish is that? She could not even give you the honesty and decency to say hey I'd like to start seeing other people.. Why? Because she is selfish and wanted to explore her options but keep you all to her self. MOVE on with your life. You are 20 years old. Get out there live life and love it. Don't stress about relationships. Just concentrate on yourself.. Get a good career you love going.. Travel the world.. Do things you've always wanted. Figure yourself out.. You'll change more as a person over the next 10 years of your life.. then any other point in your life. Personally I went from being a bit of a jock, motor head.. To a nerdy guy that loves statistics..
Author alex44103 Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 I know I was stupid and after the miscarriage I told her to wait until we were sorted with our own place and had a decent amount of money. I have no choice but to move on now she already has its just hard because I was with her so long and for some reason she has started hanging around with my two girl mates and turned them against me. I don't understand why she left. She wanted a baby the month before she left then bam she's suddenly with someone else and does not tell me the truth about it. I am in the process of moving on time just seems to be going extremely slow for me after the break up. My question is how can someone who told you they loved you everyday and acted so loving just turn around and smash your heart to pieces and not feel any guilt at all after being together 4 years? She even tried to blame me for the break up saying I never tried hard enough and I didn't show enough love when in actual fact it was just to start seeing someone older than us both. How can someone who has known you 4 years and has at some point carried your child be so cruel at the end and move on like you don't exist anymore?
ameaningfulllife Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 I am sorry you are going through this. I am in a very similar situation right now and It sucks. My boyfriend of 14 years broke up with me and is seeing someone after only 2 days. I am miserable. I'm sorry. Hang in there <3
No Limit Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 Crazy chick left on her own. You should celebrate this, most guys have them sticking to their butts like leeches for years.
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