Louise2817 Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I was with my ex for a year, I'm 31 and he is 34. I thought he was a good,genuine man.we had a lot in common and I thought he loved me.i did end it in march, as he seemed to have some anger issues.he sent abusive texts sometimes,I suspect him of slashing my car tyre after an argument,and the last straw was he kicked my door and broke into my house one night when I hadn't answered his text.he got back in touch in May,and after lots of texting we met up and had a great time.i realised I still loved him and I thought things would get back on track. Then just a week later he went cold on me and said he wanted to be on his own.i found out he was lying and had met another woman in her forties.he is still with her now after 7 weeks. I just can't get over it.we have had no contact but I want to contact him I know I shouldn't but I still love him and want him back.ive also found out that he cheated with another older woman while we were together. It's just killing me, I thought he was the one.how do I reconnect with him?did he ever love me or was it a lie?i don't get why he cane back only to dump me straight away. I need advice and opinions please? I'm so hurt and confused.
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 You need some therapy. Why on earth would you want to get back together with a man who broke into your house in anger after you didn't answer his texts and whom you suspect slashed your tires after an argument? Holy moley. That's beyond crazy. Get yourself together. He's a mean abusive manipulative untrustworthy person. there are no good reasons to get back with him. Figure out with the help of a good therapist why your self esteem is so damaged that you would think he behavior is OK & invite him back into your life. 1
Author Louise2817 Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 I know. You are right.he did do those things, but those times were so a At odds with how he usually seemed to be.like Jekyll and Hyde. I do have very low self esteem, my confidence is so low especially after this.i keep considering contacting him but I am trying not to.i just can't help missing him and I think it hurts more that he just moved on, so heartless.i know I need to get myself together though.i own my own home,have a good job and people say I'm pretty, but I still just feel like I wasn't good enough.i sound pathetic I know
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 No no no. You were too good for him! Seriously, I know during a break up everybody's self esteem take a hut but look at this logically. Pretend your BFF or your sister or your daughter came to you & said what you posted. How would you advise her? Now take your own advice. So something positive to help with your self esteem. If you are against therapy, at least read a self help book
Author Louise2817 Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 Yeah if it was my sister or friend I would be saying exactly what you're saying.its just hard I think because I've found out that he is not the person that I thought he was.im trying to keep busy and get on with life and I just hope this feeling fades.i only wish he could feel some of my pain but I guess he doesn't.ive never even had a chance to even speak to him it was all by text. And I feel like he only came back in my life so he could get the upper hand and dump me, like an ego boost. Ah, I guess I will get over it , I don't need a lying violent cheat in my life really. 1
hoping2heal Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 How do you reconnect with him??? Um, how do I reconnect you to your nearest qualified health professional? The man was abusive, possibly slashed your tire, (speculative) but you know for certain he lied and cheated on you and your first instinct is "well I love him so I'd like to go back for another kick between the teeth" ??! You can sick love him until you're blue in the face, and believe me, it is indeed a sick kind of love. I don't think you're going to find anyone here willing to advise you at how to re-enter the cycle of abuse.
Author Louise2817 Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 I know I would be crazy to go back, when I see it written in black and white. I just keep remembering the good times we had. He said I didn't make him feel wanted, but when he did stuff like that I couldn't feel good towards him.i know I was right to end it in the first place,my gut tells me that.i just feel like he's discarded me now as if I'm nothing.i know I really need to work on myself I hate that I'm feeling like this cos it's stupid. I don't know why I'm so upset over it.
Lostdreams Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I'm sorry you're suffering and it's a tough situation but just keep one thought in mind - you deserve way better. Stay well clear of him and keep yourself busy with your friends as you've been doing already. I found writing helped me to get my feelings out onto a piece of paper. One self help book also gave me an exercise which I found positive. It was to write down everything you disliked (hated) about him .... the whole list and as long as you want. This gave me my first smile post break up, to feel the relief that you are now free from all of that and never have to put up with it again. Baby steps of progress day by day
irresolute Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 Have you minimally read all that you've said?? He is abusive and a cheater and you still want that scumbag in your life again??? I'd say go to counseling. You may have some unresolved issues plus your self esteem is below zero. Don't you think you deserve better? He's obviously not the one besides he's not in love with you. Ps sorry to be harsh but sometimes it's the best way to understand what is really over.
Author Louise2817 Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 No, he can never have loved me if he could cheat and lie to me. It's just hard to know what a liar he was he seemed so genuine. But guess I should have taken notice of all the red flags. He has barely any friends and no contact with his family that speaks volumes too. Yeah I will try writing a list I bet it will be quite long. I think maybe I dodged a bullet with him. The anger/control arose when I disagreed with him, or went for a night out..could have escalated.i know I really do need more self confidence, cos all this has knocked what little I had to zero, can't help comparing myself to the other women. I'm gona try and pick myself up though.
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