nakickerallison Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years now. We started dating at 14. He's my only "real" boyfriend. I love him, I don't question that. I question whether or not I am in love with him. We have a kind of one-sided relationship. I do everything- cook, clean, laundry, drive, etc. I don't like it, but it's OK. I just feel like he isn't what I want in a partner anymore. I can't explain it. He doesn't beat me, cheat on me, or do anything like that. He just isn't there like I want him to be. He doesn't go to my family's functions, we have different ideas about what we want now. I just don't know what to do. I worry about him- what he'll do, who will take care of him, etc. I have felt this way for a long time now. I keep telling myself it will pass, but I don't think it's going to. I have recently met someone else. We are friends, but there is a connection between us. We have been intimate. I met him long after I started feeling this way. I think he's just a catalyst. He has really opened my eyes. I am not thinking of leaving my boyfriend for him. He lives too far from me. I can't handle the long distance thing right now. I could really use some advice on this. I am at a loss. All of my friends and family say I should leave, but I could really use some unbiased opinions. Thanks!!
haywood Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 you should tell him how you feel. not all of it but the fact that you're confused. like bob marley once said "stir it up." he's a guy and he won't be able to read your mind. tell him how you feel, then ask him how he feels. start from there. good luck
Sckott Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Sounds like a major case of OD'ing from Comfort Zone. Mostly his. Because life changes rapidly, because this is your early romance in your life, you will need bending room in the relationship when things go good/bad. He has to be able to get up and be a little ambitious about life, you, your relationship. Yes, take a time out and talk it over seriously. Make it clear you support him, his feelings, but you need some more involvement from him. If not, it makes you sad. If this doesn't help, you won't have to think about it. You'll eventually have a problem and you may fall out of love with him. Be prepared. He HAS to be willing to bend with you, the times. If he loves you, when you need the time, the pressure off your back, he's GOT to be there.
nakickerallison Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Well, he's not one to talk about things. Believe me, I've tried. He always flips it around on me... I don't do this, I don't do that, etc. He gets defensive and won't talk to me. It always winds up in a fight. We don't sleep in the same bed anymore. I sleep downstairs on the couch. He says I chose this because we work different shifts. I didn't chose not to sleep with him, I chose to take a better job with strange hours. He says that I can't sleep upstairs because I will wake him up when I go to bed. He says I keep him up when I try to sleep up there when he is off. If he won't talk, what do I do? I can't carry our relationship on my own anymore. I do everything for him and us. He doesn't do much of anything. Sometimes, I feel like his mother instead of his lover and friend. Part of me wants this to work, but the other part wants to give up and move on. I am 24, it's time for me to think about marriage and settling down. I refer to him as my boyfriend, but in all actuality, we are engaged. I do this because I broke my ring and then it got lost before I had a chance to get it fixed. He said that I don't deserve to get a replacement. So... no replacement, no fiance. Maybe that is wrong of me, but I didn't do it on purpose. I think that is something that should be forgiven. This is lust a little more insight into my relationship. Sorry to go off, but I needed to vent.
EIN Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 seek counseling. 24 is still a young age. I hope you do not have that "I will be an old maid" mindset because then you would not know your full potential and wind up with the wrong guy for life. No replacement? I am sorry but a Man is suppose to treat his Love like a princess or Queen no matter what and what happened was justified for a replacement. This guy is in a way dragging you down. He turns everything on you thus you are making excuses for yourself as why he acted the way he did. If you think its worth a shot to save, seek counseling as said before. If not, its time to have "the talk" with him.
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