BridgetGrey Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I'm curious how would someone define staying friends with their ex. According he stayed friends with his ex who ended things in LDR to date another guy years ago , but they haven't talked for years and both live in different countries so from what I concluded the friendship is more like they have each on FB still and chat but aren't close friends. With my ex and I the breakup was messy three months and I chose to take the high moral ground and say it you and me because it was LDR and we both on different stages and we are friends but for me I define it as civil friends. I don't give him as much face as I use to and we haven't talked for a month. We still have each other on FB and other social media forums , but to stay we are close like we use to be Nope. I doubt we will go back to being there. So Yeah I do believe you can be friends with your ex talk them on a FB chat here and there , but close friends like in your life no way because the feelings may come back.
Justaguy30 Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I have tried it in the past but it takes years until most people can actually just be friends. 1
Ordinaryday Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I don't think many people do! even the people who say they are 'still friends with their ex' usually have very loose definitions of what a friend is! for example, I have known a few people say they stay friends with the girl who dumped them and I asked them "so you continue to see her on a regular basis, associate with her, text her a lot, chat to her and support each other, but just on a friends basis and in a non romantic way" and they responded with "well.... no. we exchange an email once every six months" sorry but exchanging an email twice a year is not "being friends" with someone, it is being an acquaintance at most. yeah, dont think many people actually manage to be truly friends with the ex! 1
Author BridgetGrey Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 I don't think many people do! even the people who say they are 'still friends with their ex' usually have very loose definitions of what a friend is! for example, I have known a few people say they stay friends with the girl who dumped them and I asked them "so you continue to see her on a regular basis, associate with her, text her a lot, chat to her and support each other, but just on a friends basis and in a non romantic way" and they responded with "well.... no. we exchange an email once every six months" sorry but exchanging an email twice a year is not "being friends" with someone, it is being an acquaintance at most. yeah, dont think many people actually manage to be truly friends with the ex! Yeah same with my ex and this girl that dumped him to date another guy due to the distance. He basically told me were are friends , yet we didn't talk for 2 years I think in those cases like me and my ex . Even though he would be willing to support me through this crisis , but I ignored because I learning how to draw the lines. I'm not going remove him out of social media , but we were best friends and I think we are going to be acquaintance because let's face it who remains best bud with their ex after a break up. I can see myself having a coffee with my ex after years and even laugh about things , but now it's like the door is closed.
Ordinaryday Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 Yeah same with my ex and this girl that dumped him to date another guy due to the distance. He basically told me were are friends , yet we didn't talk for 2 years I think in those cases like me and my ex . Even though he would be willing to support me through this crisis , but I ignored because I learning how to draw the lines. I'm not going remove him out of social media , but we were best friends and I think we are going to be acquaintance because let's face it who remains best bud with their ex after a break up. I can see myself having a coffee with my ex after years and even laugh about things , but now it's like the door is closed. some dumpers like to keep the dumpee around as a 'friend' for their own selfish reasons, like they want him as a backup plan, they want to feel less guilty and so on. some dumpers can be notorious at sending mixed signals and they do something out of 'friendship' for their ex which the ex misreads and all sorts of confusion and horror follows. just look at the breakup board on this site, every week a dumpee posts a variant of "the dumper texted me a happy birthday! does this mean she wants me back??". I refuse to fall for these games. I tell all dumpers "don't contact me under any circumstances unless it about us getting back together". you need to be firm. 1
Zeurich Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 For me it is hard. Memories come back and still walking around the same line so I am not willing to keep in touch after a break up.
Author BridgetGrey Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 some dumpers like to keep the dumpee around as a 'friend' for their own selfish reasons, like they want him as a backup plan, they want to feel less guilty and so on. some dumpers can be notorious at sending mixed signals and they do something out of 'friendship' for their ex which the ex misreads and all sorts of confusion and horror follows. just look at the breakup board on this site, every week a dumpee posts a variant of "the dumper texted me a happy birthday! does this mean she wants me back??". I refuse to fall for these games. I tell all dumpers "don't contact me under any circumstances unless it about us getting back together". you need to be firm. Yep exactly. This how it worked out for my ex BF and his ex from what I gathered she probably felt bad about dumping him for another guy , but wanted to be on good terms with him like a colonization prize lol. I believe in the concept of being good terms and civil with your ex like message them every once in six months as you said , but friends friends as in close no rarely happens.
leavesonautumn Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I'm friends with only one ex and have no issues with memories or jealousy in regards to new relationships he has. With my most recent ex, no I'd never be friends with him again even though I know deep down it's a matter of when and not if he will contact me. It wouldn't benefit me in any way, what could I possibly get out of a friendship with someone who dumped me 9 times, put me through hell, constant "I'm so in love with you, you're my baby girl" to "all my feelings for you have been destroyed". Yeah, he'd make a great friend! (Side note: feeling just a little bitter tonight )
Author BridgetGrey Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 I'm friends with only one ex and have no issues with memories or jealousy in regards to new relationships he has. With my most recent ex, no I'd never be friends with him again even though I know deep down it's a matter of when and not if he will contact me. It wouldn't benefit me in any way, what could I possibly get out of a friendship with someone who dumped me 9 times, put me through hell, constant "I'm so in love with you, you're my baby girl" to "all my feelings for you have been destroyed". Yeah, he'd make a great friend! (Side note: feeling just a little bitter tonight ) May I ask do you talk to him on regular basis? Ahh my ex and I being friends as close as we use to be is not going to work. He pulled the hot and cold card during the relationship and we just broke up like 3 months ago , so I think it will take years for the friendship to recover or likely it will never go back to being as good as it used to be.
SuperGeek Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 (edited) Mine dumped me 4 times and then divorced me. No way in hell would I be her friend at this point. I moved to a new town just to get away from her (this was awhile ago). Being friends with an ex isn't worth it. Even if you want to get back at them or show off a new partner to them (revenge) it's still not worth it. They also get in the way of new relationships or completely prevent them from taking off. Can't tell you how many exes tried to poison new relationships behind the scenes. Just cut the cord and be done. It's hard to do at first, but it's worth it in the long run and saves you grief. It's like trying to fix an old rusty car with too many problems... it's too much money to fix it and not worth it! Besides, they are an ex for a reason. Stay away and find someone new without all the history and old drama. I heard from an old friend (via email) that my ex is a train wreck now anyway. Why would I want to 'hang' out with a trainwreck and deal with all that drama? lol I can proudly say that I'm not friends with any of her friends either. I've been 100% away from her now for years and it's great. I hope she's enjoying that nice dead green grass she moved over too. SupaGeek Edited July 30, 2014 by SuperGeek
Author BridgetGrey Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 I think the best is cut contact maybe not 100% out of being civil , but to talk like you use to be it's hard it's like pouring the salt into the wound. Making them feel you empower them , like what do I benefit if I found my still has feeling for me or view me as a another friendly ex NOTHING We know the relationship was toast due to long distance , different life stages and ex not ever being able to commit to something. so why should I bother being close? I'm not gonna message him that's for sure. If he messages me I will keep brief and short and act normal. But I'm not going to have him in my life again.
SammySammy Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 No, I'm not friends with my exes. I tried to be friends with one at her suggestion, but she was using our "friendship" as a way to try to hurt me and disrespect me. So, I cut her off for good.
leavesonautumn Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 May I ask do you talk to him on regular basis? Ahh my ex and I being friends as close as we use to be is not going to work. He pulled the hot and cold card during the relationship and we just broke up like 3 months ago , so I think it will take years for the friendship to recover or likely it will never go back to being as good as it used to be. Well, it actually took a few years but we talk on an almost daily basis. Unfortunately, he lives far away but we text and skype quite a bit.
CarrieT Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I posted this in another thread when someone asked if there is such a thing as a mutual break-up. I think the reply fits this thread as well: Absolutely. I lived with a guy for 2 1/2 years. We were great friends and lived well together. But I admit that I longed to hear him say the "L" word. He kept asking me for patience... Around the September/October mark of our last year together, we started talking about giving our relationship "six more months" and when we both realized it wasn't going to happen, we started the process of separating. We spent Thanksgiving and Christmas going to our mutual family holiday celebrations together and telling them that we were splitting up. In January, he found a new job across country and I found a new place to live. I even drove across country with him to help him move before flying home to start my new life. That was 25 years ago and we are still great friends so much so that just last month, while visiting the resort area where his father lives, I was able to go and visit my Ex's Dad and catch up. It was great.
Author BridgetGrey Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 I also wonder if you can handle the thought of them with someone else? I admit long distance thing is a blessing when breakup happens because you don't have to see the person and deal with them and you can remove them in many ways out of your social media.
Recommended Posts