McGuffin Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Is there an appropriate way to let an acquaintance or friend know that you're interested in them if they should ever break up with their SO? In my mind, the answer is no. I can't think of a classy way to do that. Just keep it to yourself until when/if the relationship ends. But I'd like to get other people's thoughts. 1
mrs rubble Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I agree too. One of my workmates has confessed his feelings for me, when I first split up with my ex-hubby though, he never mentioned the fact he was married. Lucky I uncovered that!!!
Gaeta Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 Dating is about choices. People change boyfriend or girlfriend all the time. New boy meets girl, girl prefers new boy, girl change boyfriend. As long as no one is in a marriage (or common law) it's all fair play. I have had men tell me how they felt about me while I was in a relationship with someone else. Nothing wrong with it. It was up to me to make a choice. I have a friend who did that, she told a man how she felt about him while he was dating someone else. He left the gf and him and my friend have been married for 25 years. For all you know that person may feel the same about you but you won't know if you keep it to yourself. This is just dating.
somedude81 Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 (edited) Is there an appropriate way to let an acquaintance or friend know that you're interested in them if they should ever break up with their SO? In my mind, the answer is no. I can't think of a classy way to do that. Just keep it to yourself until when/if the relationship ends. But I'd like to get other people's thoughts. That's exactly how I got my first and only girlfriend. Taken from a thread I made last year. The following is a record of an email conversation between she and I. You know what XX I think you're great and I'd definitely like to take you out on a date if you were single. I've had this thought for a long time but I didn't want to make things awkward in class. I really liked talking to you I didn't want to lose that. Her reply that's so sweet of you, i'm just a chatter box that likes to help other people when i can Then 5 minutes later she sent another message though fun fact of the day: i actually broke up with my boyfriend last week. i had been planning on doing it for awhile, it was just mustering up the courage to finally do it. so right now i'm enjoying copious amounts of me time and time with friends. its been so nice to study and just worry about me and there's no other way of putting that and not sounding conceded lol We had our first date about two weeks later. We quickly progressed into a relationship. Then she suddenly dumped me at six months Edited July 30, 2014 by somedude81
Author McGuffin Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 he never mentioned the fact he was married. Lol. That is definitely not classy. Dating is about choices. People change boyfriend or girlfriend all the time. New boy meets girl, girl prefers new boy, girl change boyfriend. As long as no one is in a marriage (or common law) it's all fair play. I have had men tell me how they felt about me while I was in a relationship with someone else. Nothing wrong with it. It was up to me to make a choice. I have a friend who did that, she told a man how she felt about him while he was dating someone else. He left the gf and him and my friend have been married for 25 years. For all you know that person may feel the same about you but you won't know if you keep it to yourself. This is just dating. That's a good argument. I wonder about it being awkward if you want to continue being friends. I've had guy friends tell me they were interested in me or ask me on a date but it was when they didn't know I was dating someone or getting back with the ex. It wasn't awkward to hang out with them, because I didn't have romantic interest in those friends, so I didn't have any problem being open about it to the guy I was with, and the guy friends let it go. What if your friend is happy with their R but could see potential if you were both single. That would put everyone in a no-win situation if you remain friends. The options are to tell the SO the truth, stop being friends, or keep being friends and hide that you know you're both attracted to each other. I probably wouldn't word things that way. I have told people that if her and I were both single, I'd buy her a drink. Something along those lines. That's about as much as I would ever say though. Even that would have to be prompted. I probably wouldn't just offer that sort of thing. Good point. That would make things less awkward any way it went. I'm three quarters hypothetically and one quarter actually entertaining the idea of saying anything. Because in this case, it would be "If you were single and we lived in the same country..." Not very likely for that to go anywhere. That's exactly how I got my first and only girlfriend. Taken from a thread I made last year. The following is a record of an email conversation between she and I. We had our first date about two weeks later. We quickly progressed into a relationship. Then she suddenly dumped me at six months That was briefly encouraging.
somedude81 Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 That was briefly encouraging. Hah, briefly encouraging! Yeah it did work. But that was because I had already begun to lay the groundwork. By the time she dumped her boyfriend, she had already liked me and was essentially waiting for me to ask her out. Unfortunately she wasn't single for long enough and wasn't able to make the real emotional connection with me. So be warned that it may be possible to get a girl to leave her BF for you, things might not work out in the long run because of how you got together.
marcjb Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 (edited) If you hit on someone that you know is in a relationship, and they end up leaving their current partner for you, don't be surprised when they leave you for someone else. Edited July 30, 2014 by marcjb 3
Author McGuffin Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 Point taken guys, but FYI, I'm a female and don't swing that way.
somedude81 Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I actually didn't hit on her. We were just friends for a few months. My guess was that things with her BF were so bad, that she just started to fall for me. Eventually she made it super obvious that she liked me, and I just took the opportunity.
marcjb Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 (edited) Saying things are bad is someone this type of person typically says. Either way, it's just another great example of why men and women cannot be just friends. Someone always has feelings. Edited July 30, 2014 by marcjb 1
todreaminblue Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I think it is inappropriate to tell someone you like them when they are in an exclusive relationship....really that kind of talk should be avoided...it has happened to me and i have had to end the friendships... when they are single it is right to approach not after a relationship has begun and surely not until a relationship is over.........but thats my opinion...it si appropriate once single to tell the truth about having feelings before but not approaching....because that is truth and respectful to do so..to avoid confusion about a relationship's status i think it is right to enquire are you single straight up.....and if the answer is no i am not single i am in a relationship....respect that boundary that was stated..if it is i am single.....then you can state how you feel.....deb
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I suppose it depends on the context. A while back a very attractive married man I knew casually made a pass at me. I was single at the time. Had he been single I would have been very flattered & really into dating him. Because he was married I said thank you but no thank you however I told him if he did ever get a divorce, to look me up. Several months later he started an affair with a girl in his office. It was one of the worst kept secrets in the community. He's married to her now & they have a child but the whole community has a very low opinion of her; I almost blush when I hear what's said about her behind her back. He has business merits to fall back on but ever since he hit on me I have been very leery of his disreputable character. 2
Author McGuffin Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 Someone always has feelings. I wouldn't go that far. I have several male friends, and tho I am pretty awesome, not awesome enough that all of them have feelings for me. When we've both been single, some have asked me out. Two come immediately to mind. I said no. They moved on but we've stayed friends with no issues. They seem pretty happy with their wife / girlfriend. 1
marcjb Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I wouldn't go that far. I have several male friends, and tho I am pretty awesome, not awesome enough that all of them have feelings for me. When we've both been single, some have asked me out. Two come immediately to mind. I said no. They moved on but we've stayed friends with no issues. They seem pretty happy with their wife / girlfriend. Exactly, like I said, someone always has feelings. It doesn't mean that someone is always you. 2
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 The black and white answer is "no, of course not, that's disrespectful", but life isn't always so black and white. See, I did something kind of similar. The man in question and I have been friends for a long time. I realized I'd developed feelings for him, but that wasn't why I said anything; I only wanted to address it because his actions made me wonder if he had feelings for me too, and while I thought he was in a relationship I also knew that they were on the rocks, and wasn't sure if they'd broken up or not (he very rarely talked about her). So no, I didn't say "hey, I'd take your pants off if you were free!". I just said that his recent behavior was confusing to me, perhaps because I'd started to care for him as more than a friend, and I needed to know if I was imagining his affections or not. Turns out I wasn't. I think what matters is that you try to be as courteous and considerate to all parties involved, including yourself. Don't go into these situations hoping that the other person will leave their partner to be with you, but don't pretend your own feelings don't exist, either. 1
Author McGuffin Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 Exactly, like I said, someone always has feelings. It doesn't mean that someone is always you. Like I said, it would be ridiculous to think all of my male friends haven had feelings for me. I'm just not *that* amazing. If not every male friend has had feelings for me, and I didn't have feelings for them, who is the someone who *always* has feelings. Even some of the ones who asked me out I don't think really had feelings for me. They just figured I'm pretty and cool and we were both single so they might as well take a shot. 1
rewl Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 Like I said, it would be ridiculous to think all of my male friends haven had feelings for me. I'm just not *that* amazing. If not every male friend has had feelings for me, and I didn't have feelings for them, who is the someone who *always* has feelings. Even some of the ones who asked me out I don't think really had feelings for me. They just figured I'm pretty and cool and we were both single so they might as well take a shot. I think what she's trying to say is that a guy and a girl can't be just friends because one of them will always want to bang the other's brains out. Guys will hang around and circle you like vultures in the hope that someday you might put out the V. 3
Author McGuffin Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 I think what she's trying to say is that a guy and a girl can't be just friends because one of them will always want to bang the other's brains out. Guys will hang around and circle you like vultures in the hope that someday you might put out the V. I'm just going to say I disagree with that and move on, because I think this thread is on the verge of getting sidetracked.
marcjb Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 This is pretty funny. You say your guy friends don't have feelings for you, but then you mention that they have asked you out. Not only that, but this thread is about her asking her friend out. 2
Author McGuffin Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 This is pretty funny. You say your guy friends don't have feelings for you, but then you mention that they have asked you out. This is pretty funny that you don't understand the difference between the words all and some. Guy friend A asking me out != Guy friend B asking me out. Guy friend A having feelings and asking out != Guy friend B having feelings.
Author McGuffin Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 Not only that, but this thread is about her asking her friend out. Yeah. It is. Well not really, but whatevz. Sometimes men and women being friends means one has feelings for the other. Nobody is going to argue against that. Just your silly notion that it always happens.
Author McGuffin Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 I know very well what that word means. Even my 4th grade reading level tells me that much. Fooled me with the inability to distinguish between the two in my post. If you don't believe me, why don't you ask them out as an experiment. Because I'm not a jerk who does social experiments on friends to satisfy the curiosity of internet strangers. I get that you believe what you believe. You're not going to convince me otherwise and it's mostly irrelevant. So can we just drop it?
marcjb Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 Between my life experiences and this forum I know all too well about such "friendships".
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