Shine1 Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Hi guys, I've never really posted on a site like this before, but I am going through a breakup and really need some sound advice. My friends have tried to give me advice but I'm unsure of how good it is. Basically, I ****ed up. I fought with my girlfriend on her birthday and we ended up breaking up rather badly. Long story short things were said to each other over the next few weeks that were very hurtful and she took the most offense to what was said. Since then we have made up and remained friends but she told me that while she still loves and cares about me, she is no longer "in love" with me. We hang out all the time as friends now, but we have been sporadically hooking up as well. The most recent time, she said "we really should stop this because we're not getting back together and it's unhealthy." Obviously if we truly aren't getting back together then it is unhealthy, but it still sucks, because she seems to be very set on us not getting back together. I'm really unsure on how to proceed because I am still in love with her and really want things to work out, but that definitely seems to be in jeopardy now.
Tbisb74 Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 You need to stop this. It's either on or off. You can't hold each other in Limbo, it's a tragedy waiting to happen. If she doesn't love you any more "in that way" then she is using you. Of course she is; you are more invested than she is. She's just getting her woman-rocks off. End this, and tell her that until you can both fall in love with others just as totally and completely as you were with each other - and not feel pangs of regret or jealousy into the bargain - then this has got to stop. Go No Contact. Read the guide (it's at the top of the 'Breaking up' forum) and do everything it says.
Author Shine1 Posted July 29, 2014 Author Posted July 29, 2014 You need to stop this. It's either on or off. You can't hold each other in Limbo, it's a tragedy waiting to happen. If she doesn't love you any more "in that way" then she is using you. Of course she is; you are more invested than she is. She's just getting her woman-rocks off. End this, and tell her that until you can both fall in love with others just as totally and completely as you were with each other - and not feel pangs of regret or jealousy into the bargain - then this has got to stop. Go No Contact. Read the guide (it's at the top of the 'Breaking up' forum) and do everything it says. I understand all of that. It is going to end badly, after she told me she wanted to break off the hooking up, I foolishly left her apartment in a visibly bad mood, so I'm scared that she will think I'm going NC because I'm mad about that. Also, how long am I supposed to go no-contact for? I recently moved across the country to a new state (which she lives in) for college and I don't have too many friends + she's been helping me get situated here, so cutting things off completely is going to be difficult. It's a rough situation. Should I just accept that I'm completely screwed when it comes to getting her back?
Tbisb74 Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Read the Guide: As I understand it, you go NC until approximately one to two years after Hell has frozen over. And if your relationship is over: Face it. Deal with it. Don't hold on to Hope, because that's utterly pointless. Get on with rebuilding your life, independently. You coped and managed perfectly well before you knew her. Now do it again. 1
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