comingover Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I am looking for some objective advice on if I'm being unreasonable. The guy and I have had a flirtation for a few months, but we've only actually seen each other once. For the last two weeks he's been initiating texts with me, but has never asked me out again. He has made vague comments about how we should go out, but then nothing materializes. This last weekend we had finally made plans to see each other. He bailed. He texted me that day to say he still wasn't sure when he would be free (even though our plans had been for the afternoon and he texted at 5 pm). I didn't reply to his text. He texted the next day to ask what I was doing (no acknowledgement of the broken plans). I didn't reply to that text either. That was two days ago. I don't plan to text him again. I feel like he was stringing me along and if he wanted to see me, he would have seen me. So I'm moving on. I don't really have any doubt in my mind about my decision to not talk to him anymore, but I feel really bad for just not texting him. Should I tell him why I didn't respond to his texts so he's not left wondering? Even though I feel that he was stringing me along, I don't like to "play games" and I feel bad for just ignoring him. Thanks so much!
d0nnivain Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 You don't owe him anything. Under these circumstances since he has been so unreliable you can either ignore him or you can talk to him & tell him you are making a clean break because you can't rely on him. Pick ignore him if you think there's a possibility that you will give in & "forgive" him if he promises not to do it you again. 1
CC12 Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 No, you're not being unreasonable and you don't need to explain anything. If communication stops after he basically stood you up, it's pretty self-explanatory. If he can't figure this out, it's not your job to teach him. 1
David87 Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 You're doing the right thing, he had his shot but he blew it. 1
Lani Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I'm going to go against the grain here and say that you should text and let him know. By just starting to ignore his texts you're playing the same silly game he is. Text him and just say that you're not playing games anymore and won't be making any contact. You don't need to respond from then. It takes a bigger person to be honest than to say nothing at all.
CC12 Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 By just starting to ignore his texts you're playing the same silly game he is. I don't think there are any games being played by the OP, since she seems to genuinely not want to contact him anymore. What kind of game is that? Also I think it would be really awkward and kind of overly dramatic to text someone you've met one time and who you don't even talk to anymore to tell them, "I am not speaking to you anymore and I'm not playing your game." If someone said that to me, I would just assume they were looking for any kind of reaction, and I wouldn't give it to them.
Lani Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I don't think there are any games being played by the OP, since she seems to genuinely not want to contact him anymore. What kind of game is that? Also I think it would be really awkward and kind of overly dramatic to text someone you've met one time and who you don't even talk to anymore to tell them, "I am not speaking to you anymore and I'm not playing your game." If someone said that to me, I would just assume they were looking for any kind of reaction, and I wouldn't give it to them. Sorry, I guess I wasn't clear in my message.. I don't think she's playing any game, I think he is. If she were to just keep ignoring his texts then it's just silly. Tell him why. His last text was two days ago, and if that's considered not even talking anymore then I guess I'm done talking to my sister... IF he texts again. I don't think there is anything overly dramatic about a simple 'hey, sorry I haven't been getting back to you, I just think we're heading in different directions here and it's probably best to just drop this thing where it is.' The end.
CC12 Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 IF he texts again. I don't think there is anything overly dramatic about a simple 'hey, sorry I haven't been getting back to you, I just think we're heading in different directions here and it's probably best to just drop this thing where it is.' That's one way of doing it, and I'm not saying it's wrong. But I don't think OP should apologize for anything or try to soften the blow for him by giving him the "We're heading in different directions" line. He pulled a jerky move, and she's responding correctly to that, in my opinion. I don't think people who behave like jerks need to be coddled and treated with kid gloves. Different opinions, is all. I'm not trying to argue with opinion. Good luck, OP. 1
martaldn Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I would ignore him - you dont need to feel bad in not texting him back as he didnt when he cancelled the date last minute with no reason so if I were you I would cancel the text and move on. he will learn the lesson 1
Lani Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 That's one way of doing it, and I'm not saying it's wrong. But I don't think OP should apologize for anything or try to soften the blow for him by giving him the "We're heading in different directions" line. He pulled a jerky move, and she's responding correctly to that, in my opinion. I don't think people who behave like jerks need to be coddled and treated with kid gloves. Different opinions, is all. I'm not trying to argue with opinion. Good luck, OP. I don't agree with coddling either, I just don't think never texting him back again with no explanation is a good move. Not because she owes him anything, but because she's a better person than that. Also not trying to argue OP, do what you feel is right.
Author comingover Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 Thank you so much everyone for the opinions! I guess I just needed to hear what I thought I knew all along, that it was a "jerky" thing for him to do and I don't owe him anything! Even though I knew this, there was that stupid little voice in my head trying to rationalize his behaviour (maybe he was just busy..., maybe he's just stressed with something...,etc). But thank you all, you have silenced that voice and now I can just move on and date someone who actually wants to make plans with me! Thanks again! 1
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