Adilyn Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 My ex fiancé and I were together for a year & a half, We broke up 4wks ago due to him being very jealous and not fully trust me, Even when we would work out together he would tell me to stop checking out guys which I wouldn't be doing this led to many fights between us & that was a lot, Our relationship was volatile at times. I have always adored him and he knows this, anything he said I done, He was my weakness & I always done things to please him. Although he tires to call me or text me everyday, we only come into contact when at the gym, I go after work as its the only time I can make it & he is always there at that time too, he does competitions & spends a lot of time in the gym, He knows everyone there. He was very angry with me when we broke up & still says that he feels hopeless without me, That I am important to him and without me he feels like nothing. Now in the gym when im squating during my set he comes over to me to 'spot me' and he leans right into me holding me, sometimes I can feel him pressing into me & it throws me off and he knows it, I'll walk away from him pissed off and he'll just smile at me, As im doing other things I can see him just staring at me he is never too far away from me, sometimes he just comes over grabs my chin and kisses me, sometimes saying im his. I love him so much it hurts and I really want to be with him but I don't want to give in to him so easily & I know he is expecting me to. Any advice?
daisydook Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 This is very toxic and you should go to a new gym, Love. For your own sake. Good luck!!! I know this cant be easy because you do care for him, but this is kind of creepy behaviour. 3
me85 Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Join another gym. You shouldn't be seeing each other so often this soon after the BU. 1
mammasita Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Nothing to work out. The fix a man fairy disappeared many moons ago. Seriously, do you really think anything will change?
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Glad you go to the gym, hopefully this means you can run like hell, which is what you should be doing from a man like this. You want to be a shell of a person 10 years from now? Because that's exactly who you will be eventually after being with a man who invalidates and dehumanizes you as often as what you just told all of us here in your post. I will introduce you to my sister, so you can get a good sense of what is left of a person after being long term with the type of man and dynamics you have with him. Hint: you won't like it too much. Tell you what, if your heart continually tells you to cling to a man who has no respect for you as a person, or your feelings, or your needs then its broken and you shouldn't listen to it again until its proven it can point you in more directions than a soul denigrating relationship.
Author Adilyn Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 Thank you for the replies guys, I appreciate it. Unfortunately I payed $500 last month to renew my membership and joining another just isn't an option. He knows basically everyone who works there abd I've started to keep myself to myself.
me85 Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 Thank you for the replies guys, I appreciate it. Unfortunately I payed $500 last month to renew my membership and joining another just isn't an option. He knows basically everyone who works there abd I've started to keep myself to myself. So you've talked to the gym manager or whoever and there's no way to cancel your membership? I'm stuck in a contract with my gym and I never even go. Tell your gym you're moving out of state or something. Though, some gyms require proof of relocating.
daisydook Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 In the event he does any of the physical stuff, could you please at the very least talk to staff about sexual harassment? I know you do not want to do this, but perhaps telling him the next time he touches you, you will be forced to make different choices than you have been. If they dont do anything, press charges. It is disgusting he thinks he can touch you, and kiss you. If he doesnt stop, you need to talk to someone. He cannot just walk around touching you and kissing you whenever he damn well pleases. You are NOT property and he does not own you. If you are really done, stop sending mixed messages. If you are broken up, maybe you also need to send a stronger message telling him its actually really over and you are done with him. Allowing him to do what he has done, only lets him think he can do it more because he is getting away with all of it. Good luck! Rooting for you. You got this, Girl. 1
Dork Vader Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 You need to leave this relationship. While we are only hearing your side of the story the relationship is clearly toxic. I have found that what you mention above can happen for multiple reasons. It sounds like there is a serious insecurity issue right now. Who is to blame? We can't judge entirely as we do not know his side of the story. Insecurity can pop up for numerous reasons. You might think you give him no reason to be insecure about the relationship but you could. So be honest with yourself and really think about it. How ever from what you say it sounds like he is the root cause of his insecurities. When people are promiscuous in relationships it will make them feel insecure about the relationship. They will then blame it on you not realizing it is their own actions. The only way a person can justify feeling insecure in a relationship and it not be their fault is if they've been given good reason to feel that way. Examples past cheating, the partner being promiscuous, giving half truths, lying and being deceitful and so on. I know because I just got out of a relationship that was this way. No matter what your relationship is toxic. The only way to fix it (if possible) is to take some space and really access why things are this way.. You have to be honest with yourself. But I doubt things will change unless you can identify the root causes of the insecurities and fix them.
GemmaUK Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 Adilyn, what do you mean by 'volatile'? None of this sounds good. Definitely change your gym/times you go and make the staff aware. He sounds intimidating.
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