sadlynotinlove Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I suppose in a sense I still 'care' although I'm no longer attracted to him and do not want him back. I never hated him and I've moved on and have been continuing to move on, but I feel that we could be passive friends as we've wanted to and have tried before, but it was too early on then. I feel that I would be at peace knowing that everything is ok. No game playing necessary. Is it wrong of me to want that? To just genuinely care about him and his well-being as a person? I know most people would constitute this as 'you're still not over him' but I don't feel like that's the case. 1
Ordinaryday Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I feel that I would be at peace knowing that everything is ok. No game playing necessary. Is it wrong of me to want that? To just genuinely care about him and his well-being as a person? DON'T contact him to make sure everything is 'okay', there is a very common term for that on these boards, a breadcrumb. it can set him back and may give him false hope that you want him back. the best thing you can do for him is to leave him alone. if you want him to get over you then leave him alone to do that. contacting him to say hi and see that he is okay and all that will just keep reminding him of you which will delay his healing. if you want him to be okay then just leave him alone, that is the nicest thing a dumper can do for a dumpee. 2
dumbass2 Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Trust me because I got a few breadcrumbs from my ex and it kept setting me back. It does not help us get over you. If you are over him and do not want to get back together, then do not contact him at all. That is the best thing for him. After 3 months I am now back to just over 3 weeks no contact and it is just as hard now and now I'm bitter at her because I think she was playing games with me just so she could make her self feel better and knowing that I still wasn't seeing someone. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 It's lovely & generous of you to want that. I don't harbor any ill will toward my EXs but I don't seek them out to tell them that. Hope for their well being but don't go out of your way to see how they are absent exceptional circumstances. About a year after I ended a 12 year relationship, my EX's father died. I called & sent a card to express my condolences, in part because for about 1 year of our relationship his parents lived with us & I had grown close to his dad after his mom died.
gj13 Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Same here, i was doing fine until he called again. I didn't pickup and i have no idea what he wanted but he didn't try contacting me again so it was obviously a breadcrumb. The sole thought that he CALLED (even when i didn't pick up) set me back a little and couldn't stop thinking and imagining stuff for days... it was worse. So yes, don't call unless you want him back. If not, just stay away. It's better for both.
organizedchaos Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I suppose in a sense I still 'care' although I'm no longer attracted to him and do not want him back. I never hated him and I've moved on and have been continuing to move on, but I feel that we could be passive friends as we've wanted to and have tried before, but it was too early on then. I feel that I would be at peace knowing that everything is ok. No game playing necessary. Is it wrong of me to want that? To just genuinely care about him and his well-being as a person? I know most people would constitute this as 'you're still not over him' but I don't feel like that's the case. So you just want your guilt relieved then?
Author sadlynotinlove Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 Lol I'm pretty sue he doesn't want me back, you guys.
Author sadlynotinlove Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 (edited) So you just want your guilt relieved then? No, I just always thought we'd have potential as friends. Because when I first met him I just wanted to be his friend. We had a lot in common and a lot to talk about, but we thought we'd try something out. However, I was worried that our friendship would be ruined if we got into a relationship and things ended. Which it did, but it's just a matter of both people effectively communicating things out - and that never happened. It just turned into a game-playing mess full of misunderstandings -_- We both wanted to be friends post-breakup (I broke up with him), and we were okay for some time til he said he wanted to break ties (after some drama). I tried to talk things out with him, he denied me. Then months later, he saw me at the bar twice and tried to be my friend. I denied him because I didn't think it was a good idea at the time, since I wasn't really over him romantically then. So I wouldn't be surprised if he denies me again if I attempted lol. It seems like it's all just a stupid egotistical game when we could both be on the same page about it. I guess all I wanted was to clear things out because of this. But maybe I should just forget it... Edited July 30, 2014 by Party247
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 If you meet him out again, be friendly. Let it evolve organically from there if it can. Otherwise, let it be.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 It's best to let sleeping dogs lie. Like d0nni said above, if you see each other out, then you can feel him out, but otherwise, leave it alone.
Author sadlynotinlove Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 Yea, we probably won't meet again since I officially moved out of the city (was there for college). That's why I didn't want to be too friendly with him while I was there, as I was worried that we'd end up hanging out and things could get messy with physicality being an option. But I suppose I could wish him all the best without actually being connected to him or be in any contact.
Mcnulty Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 You're being very magnanimous, which is a lovely trait and a place that a lot of people would like to be at.
OwMyEyeball Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 What would you do if he's not feeling well? If he's suffering? Reaching out would only confuse him of your intentions and eventually lead to more suffering for both him and you. What would you do if he's doing fantastic? What if his life has taken a new turn and he's feeling on top of the world? Without you. Possibly with another woman. Would you truly be OK with that? Perhaps you have both fully moved past the breakup. If you have, that's wonderful and does not necessitate any form of contact. You'll run into each other one day, feeling vibrant and healthy, and able to start a true friendship removed from the powerful emotions that once bound you romantically. The sense of peace you seek will need to come from within. Be compassionate from afar.
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