prpqmnj Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I wanted to write something that I thought of a while ago, and it just really put it into perspective once I saw it this way. There was a girl I had liked, 2 years ago when I met her, I knew I instantly liked her. We had good chemistry, but our lives took different paths, and she ended up dating someone. On and off, we kept meeting up -- mostly just joining her and her friends out for drinks. I knew I liked her, and at times I couldn't keep it to myself and told her friends how crazy I was about her. Fast forward two years, still maintained contact and when I had heard she got out of a relationship, I decided to just to put all out there and tell her how I really felt, this was an all or nothing thing for me. With success, she was impressed by it and wasn't sure what to say. So we ended up hanging out, and lead to dating, and we did things where it was the two of us, she'd often ask me things like "What are you thinking right now?" And I'd say "About this" and smile. We're no longer together, and as much as it hurts because I still care for her -- I managed to look back on it now and realize how determined I was to be with this girl. I took even 10 minutes of seeing her at a bar because I knew it would make my night. Basically, I set my mind to it, I made it my goal to date this woman and hold her, kiss her -- and I did. Knowing that it has happened, really has made me think that I really can do anything in life if I'm dedicated and try my best. So, don't look at a previous relationship and think that it sucks or it's gone to crap, but rather, look at where it was, how it started and what it became. Because ultimately, we sometimes stand in one place and think "That'll never happen" or "Wouldn't it be nice if..." -- there's power in imagining things happening, but also telling yourself that it can happen and IT WILL HAPPEN! 2
daisydook Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 (edited) Its not every day you see a happy break up post, where people focus on the good things about their ex, and what they were able to gain from a relationship. Kudos to you! I like the way you think. It is uplifting and I think I needed to read this today. So, thanks! I am getting there myself. I have a lot of emotions inside of me about my most recent ex. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around what he did. I don't know if angry is the word. I am not mad or angry anymore. I just don't forgive him, and I think it is a safety thing for me. If I exercise caution and I am forever distrustful of someone, they usually do not get a chance to hurt me again. I was hurt very badly, so I don't expect to feel warm, fuzzy feelings towards him. Lol. As for how I feel now vs then... I feel a lot better. Better, is a good word. I feel as though I can now remember things we did together, and not get upset about what happened at the end. I can genuinely (most of the time) look back and think of him positively. We did a lot of great things together. I can look at pictures of him and not cry. I still get a little upset. I remember being at my parents recently, and my mother gave me a box of pictures I wasnt expecting to receive. They were of all the pictures she had from him and me together. I remember getting a little snappy with her as I looked through them. I was edgy and upset and had forgotten about it. I then came across a wedding invitation. :| Oyoyoy. Lol. It is what it is. I didn't go through my own pictures of us for about a year after I left him. I couldn't. They are pictures I would never get rid of though so I moved with them a few times in a box. I still never looked though. I wanted to burn all of them in the backyard at one point. I did not! Phew! LOL!!! He was my entire world, and I loved being his. I would have been really upset had I done anything to those pictures. We did everything together. He was my love, my world... he literally was everything to me. I was always excited to come home (or at least 6 out of 7 days a week!!! Hehehe) He was a good man and a decent man and boy did he love me. We laughed, we cried, we sang, we danced, we yelled and screamed sometimes too!!! We lived and we loved and we did everything together, and when we couldn't, we hated it. We never lacked love. We have always had love. At the end, I am not sure what happened with him. We had love, but he ran out of honesty and respect for me. I have no doubt in my mind, even with him doing what he did at the end, our relationship up until he got into that mess, was solid and genuine. I have to believe it was. I have to believe that what was there, was real. I am getting to a point where I can compartmentalize my relationship with him and separate the good from the bad memories. I can think about the good things more positively, without reverting back to thoughts of him cheating after 9 years. I will not even go into what I have gained since leaving and being on my own! Lol. The list is large. I have learned a lot and probably needed to. I am trying to take from it what I should, and instead look at what I have gained. 18 months in and still working on things emotionally... I gained more than I ever could have lost Edited July 29, 2014 by daisydook 1
elseaacych Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 What daisydook said, all they way. All good things must come to an end. Our end came, and initially I dug my heels in and refused to move on. Finally, I just realized that I HAD to, because whatever we had was real and genuine, but it simply no longer existed, except in my memories. I know I couldn't go back to him, because he's tainted my trust, and with no trust, there is no foundation for a healthy relationship. But, that doesn't stop me from being grateful for what we had. He's been excellent training wheels for the real deal. 1
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