Author surferchic Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 You were smart enough to realize that this relationship was bad for you. Why do you want to hear from him again? I don't know if you're unrealistic to think you won't hear from him again, as dumpees often do/ are open to hearing from a dumper, despite the fact that it will only hurt them further. As a dumper, you shouldn't want to hear from him against just to bring yourself some emotional comfort, when you know a relationship will not work. So sorry for not responding earlier to this. I miss him and for some reason feel the need to prove to him that even though he did things for me monetarily, that was not what I was after. He had some insecurities that he displayed early on and he turned that into anger sometimes. Though things are not my fault I know, its hard to get over the fact that we had so many good memories together and with each others families. He practically forced himself to go see my family off when they came to see me.he spent time with us while they were here but I wanted to say my goodbyes by myself and I think he sensed that and insisted I wait on him so he could go with me. My family is aware of some of our issues and want to know that I'm ok. I loved/still love him?
Author surferchic Posted August 1, 2014 Author Posted August 1, 2014 Hi surferchic, I'm slightly similar to your ex, although I've been dating my girl for more than 4 years. I'm also insecure and I tend to snap about it. If my GF gets mad or sad about it, I'd give her gifts and try to fix that etc.. Same pattern like yours. I'm doing my best to change, but I'm having some personal issues. Anyhow to your thread: if I were you man, I'd try once more, but breaking up just after the engagement is not a good things. It's shows no commitment :/ Did you tried to talk about the issues/problems that you don't like about him before your break up? Or was it out of the blue for him? Have you talked in the meanwhile? Are you in NC? Hi vichyfresh. Thanks so much for your post. Perhaps you're not as bad as u think u are. You sound more sweet than controlling... Correct me if I'm wrong.just try to always keep respectful dialogue open with your girlfriend and she will be able to deal with you better. My ex fiance and I spoke about his temper many times. He would eventually correct it for like a week then something else would happen and we'd have dischord again. I really loved him and he me.but I wonder sometimes if his love was love or more control. He's older than me and is an attractive guy so why so insecure? I do know that part of his background causes some unrest within him because I'm the opposite of how he used to be. Also he brings a lot of baggage but never admits it. His family mentioned his anger to me before I saw it for myself. When I started seeing it he'd already done so much to try to (I feel) blind me from the real him. He'd buy me expensive things, go out all the time and take me places as if we were living some fantasy life. When I didn't do things he wanted me to do or questioned anything he'd snap or pout or just give the silent treatment and threaten to leave. So really me leaving is almost an effect of the verbal abuse I've taken from him.he put that negative energy in our relationship.I was gonna leave once before but he talked me out of it. This time I actually left because I needed a temporary or permanent break from him.
Author surferchic Posted August 5, 2014 Author Posted August 5, 2014 Went back for the weekend. He asked me back but he's still mad.. Holding a grudge and calls himself holding me a accountable. I feel like it's dead end and he'll always hold it over my head that I left because he may have sons other images in his mind that cause this anger/spite. So now I'm either gonna pay through this immaturity of his or leave for good. Help. ?
muse08 Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Its never too late to make a change. If you've attempted to give it a second chance and you see its not working leave or decide to deal w/the bull crap... I think miss his presence but you may need to run for the hills.
Chi townD Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Went back for the weekend. He asked me back but he's still mad.. Holding a grudge and calls himself holding me a accountable. I feel like it's dead end and he'll always hold it over my head that I left because he may have sons other images in his mind that cause this anger/spite. So now I'm either gonna pay through this immaturity of his or leave for good. Help. ? Are you going to start NC now? Come on, girl. With 100 posts, you've been here long enough to know that without NC, it makes the healing process take that much longer. You've made the choice to have this guy out of your life. Therefore, you need to keep him out. Start NC. Will he resent you for ending it with him? Probably, but if that's what he needs to do to get over you, heal and move on, then so be it. But, if you're in a true and strict NC, then you wouldn't even know if he resented you or not. Time to put the past in the past and start looking forward.
Author surferchic Posted August 5, 2014 Author Posted August 5, 2014 Are you going to start NC now? Come on, girl. With 100 posts, you've been here long enough to know that without NC, it makes the healing process take that much longer. You've made the choice to have this guy out of your life. Therefore, you need to keep him out. Start NC. Will he resent you for ending it with him? Probably, but if that's what he needs to do to get over you, heal and move on, then so be it. But, if you're in a true and strict NC, then you wouldn't even know if he resented you or not. Time to put the past in the past and start looking forward. You're exactly right. Its just that matters of the heart aren't always that cut and dry. I will deal with lots and lots then finally get fed up and be done... Sadly enough. Im honestly in limbo right now but on the verge of losing my mind if I don't run for the hills or make a conscious decision to stay and work through this(which doesn't make me feel good because there are a lot of other intangibles). I'm giving myself until this weekend to make a final decision of a strict grueling NC especially if he seems to still be acting stubborn and spiteful.thing is he may pull a trick or two whenever... Living on edge like that is enough to drive anyone insane. I can't do it. I have a pattern of leaving rather than going insane... Almost at that point.
Chi townD Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Okay...well. If you're still on the fence on wanting to be with him or not. Then, that has to be your choice. You want to be with him, but not the way things are now. Then, I would suggest that you talk to him. Tell him that you are willing to work things out ONLY if he agrees to go to couples counseling with you. That's the only way you see this progressing forward. If he agrees, then find a counselor and go! If he doesn't want to see a counselor, then you can walk away without any doubts. You gave him a way back into a relationship with you and he didn't value it enough to simply talk about issues the two of you are having with a professional third party. You can walk away guilt free know you tried to give him an option to fix this and continue with a healed and healthy relationship and he didn't want it. His loss then!
luvflower Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Okay...well. If you're still on the fence on wanting to be with him or not. Then, that has to be your choice. You want to be with him, but not the way things are now. Then, I would suggest that you talk to him. Tell him that you are willing to work things out ONLY if he agrees to go to couples counseling with you. That's the only way you see this progressing forward. If he agrees, then find a counselor and go! If he doesn't want to see a counselor, then you can walk away without any doubts. You gave him a way back into a relationship with you and he didn't value it enough to simply talk about issues the two of you are having with a professional third party. You can walk away guilt free know you tried to give him an option to fix this and continue with a healed and healthy relationship and he didn't want it. His loss then! I second that. Things are fragile now and you both seem to have a strong will.
Author surferchic Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 Okay...well. If you're still on the fence on wanting to be with him or not. Then, that has to be your choice. You want to be with him, but not the way things are now. Then, I would suggest that you talk to him. Tell him that you are willing to work things out ONLY if he agrees to go to couples counseling with you. That's the only way you see this progressing forward. If he agrees, then find a counselor and go! If he doesn't want to see a counselor, then you can walk away without any doubts. You gave him a way back into a relationship with you and he didn't value it enough to simply talk about issues the two of you are having with a professional third party. You can walk away guilt free know you tried to give him an option to fix this and continue with a healed and healthy relationship and he didn't want it. His loss then! Thanks. You're right. I'll try this. He's stubborn and his response to therapy when we've discussed it before is oppositional. We did try it once(literally went only once) but he thinks that was enough to say "oh, I tried it and it didn't work".
Author surferchic Posted March 1, 2016 Author Posted March 1, 2016 Hello again guys. In my continued effort to heal completely I started looking over this thread. I needed to remind myself of the reasons I left him and why I was so fed up with my ex-fiance. Glad I came back to revisit... It's been about a year and a half now. Im getting better, but im still healing. I was an absolute mess even about 6-7 months ago, and EVEN though i started seeing someone else. Yes, I'm sure he resented me. We went almost 6 months with no contact. He then was bold enough to call me one morning trying to connect. I wasn't available, so I called him back saying maybe the next day. Then I cancelled because I was having doubts... Today,I'm work in progress but progressing nonetheless. I hope you're all doing well and if so I'll be well soon, I'm just being transparent about my slow,yet sure healing...
Author surferchic Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 I've been out with other guys, I've been staying busy with work and traveling, etc. So I'm better somewhat but having memories of this thread., time to time it still hurts that I had to leave him, I do not... NOT feel guilt, just a sense of loss. Are my feelings normal, whatever normal means,..? Thanks in advance for your feedback. I really need it.
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