palmbreeze Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I've been dating a man for about a year in a half. He got divorced six years ago. He has no children with his ex wife - she had two kids of her own with another man. My boyfriend helped raise those kids for fifteen years. One of them has nothing to do with him, the other one sees him maybe once a month. His marriage was rough with some behavioral problems with one of his wife's kids. It got bumpy, he cheated, she kicked him out. It was rough and he took it pretty hard. He still feels bad about it and feels like he has to take care of her to some level. She's ten years older then him...ish...I'm ten years younger than him. So, now he dog sits her dog, she has a key to his house, she is coming over to let a repair man in, she was getting her mail there while she moved around, he helped her with a garage sale, she watches his dogs, she borrows stuff from him, he went to see her new place, she let him borrow her car, they've eaten together at least once, she lets his dogs out, and he hasn't updated his will so everything still goes to her. He swears up and down I have nothing to worry about. I mean I'm twenty years younger than her - I'm sure I'm...ya know better in some areas. However, I don't share fifteen years of memories with him. I have trust issues and I'm a jealous person. So, I don't know if I'm overreacting or not. Am I overreacting or is this just weird?
CarrieT Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I think you are over-reacting. A lot of us older folks are able to have friendships with our Ex's. Heck, I just got married (at the age of 50), and I am still friends with most of my Ex's and my new husband has even met several of them and knows I chat with them. No biggie because we have trust. Sounds like you aren't capable of that with him. You said you are a jealous person so you may not ever be able to handle his relationship with his Ex. If this is the case, let him go. 1
MidwestUSA Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I mean I'm twenty years younger than her - I'm sure I'm...ya know better in some areas. Um, what areas? 4
ja123 Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 From what you described, OP, it sounds like everything is above board. No one's hiding anything. I could see if you're young and haven't had a lot of partners or life experience that you might be freaked out. So, really you need to decide if this is something you could be comfortable with or not. If not, like Carrie said, let him go. I know other people who are in contact with their Exes. One man is pretty much in the same boat as your bf. He helped raise a child who wasn't his own, but he's still in contact with her and she's grown, married, with her own child now. He is really her father more than her biological father ever was. If his partner asked that he cut off contact with the girl (and her mom - it's a small town), he would be devastated.
FitChick Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 So, now he dog sits her dog, she has a key to his house, she is coming over to let a repair man in, she was getting her mail there while she moved around, he helped her with a garage sale, she watches his dogs, she borrows stuff from him, he went to see her new place, she let him borrow her car, they've eaten together at least once, she lets his dogs out, and he hasn't updated his will so everything still goes to her. Why don't you offer to do some of those things she does? Why don't you see her as a couple instead of him going alone? You can gradually ease her out of the picture. Help her get started with online dating or encourage her to take dancing lessons to meet men. In other words, pretend you are her friend.
aisuru Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I mean I'm twenty years younger than her - I'm sure I'm...ya know better in some areas. Am I overreacting or is this just weird? Wait, what?!?!?! First, you are overreacting. Second, old women have a lot of practice, less inhibitions, and raging hormones... Third, if you were older, you might be more confident and trusting in yourself and your man. Fourth, perky boobies will not magically fix #1, 2, or 3. Good luck! 2
anika99 Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I don't think I would feel entirely comfortable dating someone who still has that much interaction with his ex, however I also don't think it's something I would want to try to interfere with or control. How serious is your relationship with him? He obviously shares a history and a bond with his ex wife but as your relationship progresses I would think that he would naturally start to become more attached to you. If that isn't happening then maybe he doesn't consider the relationship as serious or long term. Maybe you should have a talk with him concerning that. I don't think it's a good idea to become jealous and controlling about his relationship with the ex wife as that will probably backfire on you. 1
CarrieT Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Perky boobies take care of almost everything. Except low I.Q.s..... :laugh: 2
aisuru Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 It can be argued that nice, perky boobies will get you further than a high IQ. Well they can certainly be distracting.... and we haven't even discussed perky nipples yet... 1
CarrieT Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 It can be argued that nice, perky boobies will get you further than a high IQ. Further in what, pray tell? Me thinks you may have a different perspective on what is worthy to attain with which attribute. But I'm just a middle-aged woman with an I.Q. of 160+ and 36H breasts. 1
aisuru Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Further in what, pray tell? Me thinks you may have a different perspective on what is worthy to attain with which attribute. But I'm just a middle-aged woman with an I.Q. of 160+ and 36H breasts. Ditto. Except I don't know my IQ and I'm 38(!) with perky 34b boobies and nipples... And a helluva better sex drive than 5 years ago even. I'm just tired of young girls thinking they have the secret sauce for great sex, because they do not automatically just because of their age. 1
USMCHokie Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Eh, my SO frequently talks to her ex-H because they have a daughter who is close to both of them. I've met her ex-H and somehow am Facebook friends with him too. She stays at his house when she goes home to visit her daughter. She says he feels more like a brother to her than anything else and that they have a better relationship now than they ever had when they were married. Her daughter even wants us all to take a vacation together... How do I feel? Yes, it's weird. But there's nothing I can do about it, so it is what it is. If something happens between them, well, there's a sign by the exit door and she'll do what she'll do. 1
USMCHokie Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I don't normally do this, but I'm going to have to call BS on that IQ score. 160 is the IQ of your average Nobel Prize winner, not your average internet forum participant. Eh, Carrie is hardly your average internet forum participant... Just sayin'... 2
CarrieT Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Eh, Carrie is hardly your average internet forum participant... Just sayin'... Love you too, Hoke! :love: 1
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