jc Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 This is probably a retarded question...but does anyone know how long it takes to get over a break-up? I just want all of this sadness and despair and fear to be gone. My ex is in California with his guy friends right now on a road trip...probably having the time of his life and here I am lying in bed until 3 in the afternoon because I feel like it is pointless to get out of bed? How long has it taken you to get over your breakup? And how do you ever trust in love again? Thanks...just scared that I'm going to die alone, a scary old cat lady
No Foolin Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 Good post Ok, first and foremost you must be commited to the break up. Understand this (healing takes time). Next read the GUIDE FOR THE LONG WALK on the coping forum, follow it to the letter. Last, you show intelligence and commitment to yourself by posting here. You will get through this, healing takes time, there is no time limit, but you will get there. Good luck No Foolin
acidrein_08 Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 For me it took exactly 7 days to start getting over my ex. I know exactly how you feel becuase we have all been there or will be there in one point in our lifetime. The reason it even took that long is becuase I was hoping for a quick fix, and to get back together really soon. But I realize now that it was the best choice to take time apart and I have really started to move forward. My friends and I have started hanging out a lot and I am really starting to enjoy myself again. Although I cannot estimate a time for you I want you to hang in there and know that you WILL get through this! I am not completely over my ex and probably never will be. But I have cut contact and put the ball in her court and am letting her make the effort if she wants me back. I wish you nothing but the best in your future, God bless.
clynn Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 Maybe not too long / too bad if you were the instigator of the break up. If you weren't, they say it takes twice as long to get over them as the relationship lasted. The deep grieving will alleviate in a shorter amount of time in that though.
Author jc Posted February 25, 2005 Author Posted February 25, 2005 Okay, I'm past the crying-every-two-minutes-phase and the constant, constant thinking-about-him phase....now I just feel depressed and sad and I don't even want to meet someone new ever again I loved him so much but he just couldn't love me back in the end, not the way I wanted him to So now I feel like I'll never be able to trust another guy ever again And I'm sad and lonely....when does the "acceptance and moving on" stage kick in? I just want to be happy again
haywood Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 you're allowed to feel like this. my way of handling it was to write a letter. write about how you feel, what you expected, anything and everything. the thing is you just don't send it. throw it away, burn it whatever. most important thing during this time is to keep busy. keep your mind off him. surround yourself with friends and people that care about you. keep doing stuff. take a class. find a hobby. get a dog. sooner or later you'll find yourself not thinking about him. good luck
shamen Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by clynn If you weren't, they say it takes twice as long to get over them as the relationship lasted. I always heard that it was half as long, not twice. Regardless, there's no set time. It just sort of happens in time. It's a healing process...
helena abadi Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 This stage will pass too. It's the first few weeks that are the most painful. When you are alternately raw then numb, anxious, angry, grief-stricken, then simply despondent. It's a roller coaster of emotion, and it's all normal. And yes, it can seem overwhelming. It takes some people longer than others to get over it. We are all unique. It also depends on how strong your feelings were for your partner at the time of the break-up. I think that's crucial. The stronger they were, the harder you fall, and the longer it may take. There's good advice on this site to walk you through the pain. Sooner or later you will want to get out of bed and pick up the pieces of your life. I don't agree with the saying that time heals all wounds. It's not how long it takes, it's what you do with the time. Do reach out to other people that are close to you, to have some positive experiences with them, who will give you something back. That is really important. Exercise. Can't emphasise that enough. Natural endorphins counteract depression and lethargy. Even if it's just a walk. Drag yourself outta bed and put on the walking shoes. Broken trust is a huge issue. There's probably very few things in relationships that hurt, or do as much damage, as broken trust. And that goes for any kind of relationship. Examine your choice of partner. Were there warning signs that he couldn't love you back the way you wanted? What were they? Did you choose to ignore them? If you can be aware of why the relationship broke down, then you may be able to make a wiser choice next time. We are more resiliant than you think. We do bounce back. The need to trust is so primary. I think you're afraid of the same thing happening again. Do some homework on yourself, maybe speak to a counsellor about how you are in relationships. If there's a destructive pattern, nip in the bud so you don't go on repeating.
emotionsmessmeup Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 HALF AS LONG! BULL **** u mean it'll take me 3 years to get over him. u just wake up one morning and u are over the person..
shamen Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by emotionsmessmeup HALF AS LONG! BULL **** u mean it'll take me 3 years to get over him. u just wake up one morning and u are over the person.. No, that's not what I believe. It's a saying. You've never heard that before?
emotionsmessmeup Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 yes btu think about it..u have been 6 yearsd with someone...how long wud it take u.. i used to ask myself these questions... it depends on u i have friend who date this girl for 1.5 months..its been 6 months now... nice outgoing guy but he still cant get over her!
axle_boy Posted February 27, 2005 Posted February 27, 2005 I would have to say that getting over your ex depends on a lot of things. Was the ex your first girlfriend? Was the break up mutual? Was the break up on good terms or bad terms? Did someone cheat? Was it a good relationship?+ Are there any strings left? Possibly, could you get back together? I broke up with my girlfriend 2 and 1/2 weeks ago and it is becoming easier as the days pass. She broke up with me because she is "not sure" if she wants me in the long term. She told me that she is not opposed to getting back together one day but that could me 1 monrh, 6 months, 1 year or never. She made it clear that she does not want me waiting for her or hoping for her to come back because it is not fair to me. I said thanks. We also had a great relationship for 2.5 years with very few problems and such which has made it a lot easier than my first girlfriend which was hard to let go. I my situation. I don't feel hurt or angry because I always knew this day where my girlfriend might doubt her feelings for me would come because she has never had a bf before. I feel upset but not angry or hurt because if I was in her situation I would want to know for sure as well. How long will it take to get over someone. It depends on many factors and the worse these factors are the harder it is to let go.
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