nousername21 Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 Some background information, I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 22. We started dating back in November of last year. We both admittedly live with our parents. Well his parents moved three months ago and he moved in at my moms. Things have been good, even if it was alittle fast but my problem now is, he got a new job. He's gonna be working 15 hours a day, 7 days a week and idk how to deal with this. I'm worried about becoming a boring couple who never gets to do anything together. He'll just come home and go to sleep and leave early but I don't know how to voice this without being annoying. Am I being overdramatic? I really want to be happy for him, and I am. I'm just not happy for myself. It seems like this is going to really negatively effect our relationship. I wouldn't be bothered if it wasn't just so much hours and the fact that there's no way we could ever spend time together. He works from 10am-1am. I could go out and do my own things, but that doesn't change the fact that we won't really have a relationship. I guess my question is, what is your opinion on how I feel? Any ideas to help this? And, if I wanted to voice this, does anyone know how I should? I want to but I feel like I shouldn't. I feel like it's just going to be annoying and do more bad than good.
pteromom Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 My question is why does he have to work so much, 7 days a week? Will there be an end to this schedule for him? Is he working this hard to reach a goal that will make life better for both of you down the road, if you stay together?
CarrieT Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 He works from 10am-1am. This, seven days a week? He will burn out in no time. I wouldn't say anything - let him try and do it and then be there when he crashes and burns and realized he needs to find another job.
pteromom Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 It seems like this is going to really negatively effect our relationship. And, if I wanted to voice this, does anyone know how I should? I want to but I feel like I shouldn't. I wouldn't voice anything yet. You are right that it probably will have a negative effect on your relationship, but I would wait until there actually IS a concern before you talk about it. Right now, you'd just be discussing hypothetical situations.
Author nousername21 Posted July 28, 2014 Author Posted July 28, 2014 He's the only employee besides the manager. I thought this wouldn't be for long until they decided to switch his pay to salary which makes me feel its permanent. He wants me to move cross country with him after he has the money but I don't know now. I feel by time he has the money, there wont be much of a relationship left at this rate.
pteromom Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 He's the only employee besides the manager. I thought this wouldn't be for long until they decided to switch his pay to salary which makes me feel its permanent. He wants me to move cross country with him after he has the money but I don't know now. I feel by time he has the money, there wont be much of a relationship left at this rate. Again, you are guessing. You don't know what will happen. Why don't you see what happens, then react to it, instead of speculating?
Author nousername21 Posted July 28, 2014 Author Posted July 28, 2014 You're right. I'm going off of how things have been so far though. Since he's had the job, he comes home and he's moody and then just goes to sleep. I suppose that's a given though as he adjusts to this new schedule.
TXGuy Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 It sounds like he is trying to work hard so he does not have to live with his (or your) parents any longer than he has to. He sounds like a hard worker, which is generally a good thing. I guess the big question is this a short, intermediate, or long term plan? It also appears that he envisions a future with you. That is also generally a good thing. Are you working? Lots of hours. One option would be for you to work a lot too. That way you would have less free time to miss him and the two of you might reach your financial goals sooner.
Keenly Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 Be careful with the slippery slope you are going down. It sounds like even if he had a normal job, you would want / expect all of his free time to be with you, and that would destroy a relationship just as much as working too much. I say relax and see what happens. I mean, it hasn't even started yet and you are already worried about the what ifs. Let's see what happens, and go from there. Also please keep in mind that your boyfriend is his own person, and even though you love together, and even though you really like him and love being around him, he needs his own space to do his own things as well.
Author nousername21 Posted July 28, 2014 Author Posted July 28, 2014 I guess the big question is this a short, intermediate, or long term plan? I guess intermediate, but I'm not sure. It really depends on if my mom moves in a month or two (meaning he'd have to get a new job) or if not, until he has enough to move out west, with me. So at most, half a year (because he refuses to stay longer than that) and at least 1 month. Are you working? Lots of hours. One option would be for you to work a lot too. That way you would have less free time to miss him and the two of you might reach your financial goals sooner. No, unfortunately. There's not currently enough transportation for me to have a job too. There's two cars until my brother gets his fixed and three people working. I thought of that but there's just no way currently until I can get a car in a few months.
Author nousername21 Posted July 28, 2014 Author Posted July 28, 2014 Be careful with the slippery slope you are going down. It sounds like even if he had a normal job, you would want / expect all of his free time to be with you, and that would destroy a relationship just as much as working too much. I realize it sounds like that, but that's not it. If he had one day a week off, or even worked different hours to where he had some amount of the day off, I'd feel better. My only problem is 10am-1am leaves no time for any type of relationship. No dates, hardly any conversation, no sex. I say relax and see what happens. I mean, it hasn't even started yet and you are already worried about the what ifs. Let's see what happens, and go from there. I'm going to try and do that. I was mainly wondering if anyone here has been in this situation and if they have any tips to not letting things get boring in the relationship given the circumstances.
TXGuy Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I guess intermediate, but I'm not sure. It really depends on if my mom moves in a month or two (meaning he'd have to get a new job) or if not, until he has enough to move out west, with me. So at most, half a year (because he refuses to stay longer than that) and at least 1 month. No, unfortunately. There's not currently enough transportation for me to have a job too. There's two cars until my brother gets his fixed and three people working. I thought of that but there's just no way currently until I can get a car in a few months. I hope you take this the right way. I'm not trying to pick on you. Money is tight with you and your boyfriend. But your boyfriend is working the equivalent of two full time jobs and you are working none. At the same time, you are upset he has no time for you while you have nothing but time on your hands. I know it has to be frustrating for both of you (in very different ways). Is there any way you might be able to find a ride to a job? having something to do might make the time pass easier. I understand your frustration with your bf, but many women your age have just the opposite problem. Their bfs sit at home and play xbox all day.
Author nousername21 Posted July 29, 2014 Author Posted July 29, 2014 If I could, I would but it's already difficult enough to get him there with two other people already working. I get what you're saying though, but there's no way I'd be able to work until I get a car, which won't be until September at earliest.
Author nousername21 Posted July 29, 2014 Author Posted July 29, 2014 Well, good news (kinda) he's only working like this until they hire someone else. Which isn't that good of news since I know he was excited about the money, but it means he'll be working decent hours even if it is still 7 days a week. Kinda bittersweet cause although I'm happy that it's not extreme anymore, I'm not that happy cause I know that's not what he wanted.
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