Nonny Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 I'm married with a child of 2. Last year myself and husband we're having a bad time and he ended up moving out. We decided that durif this period we wouldn't see other people but I was saying if things didn't change I wanted a divorce. A few weeks later I found out that he was seeing another woman. Not just any woman either,one that had caused issues at the start of our relationship-we've been together 13yrs. I then filled for a divorce but was absolutely heartbroken. Husband then made a series of questionable deductions regarding other woman's and our daughter and made me wonder if I ever really knew him at all. After a few months we started talking again and discussed giving our marriage another go,by this time though he'd bought a ticket to the other side of the world to be with this other woman for Xmas. It was a stay and we'll give it a go,or go and we'll divorce situation. He went. He then came back early saying he'd made the biggest mistake of his life and wanted his family back. I'd been in such a mess since we'd split that him not being with her was such a relief and I just wanted my family back so agreed to go to counselling to sort things out. Which we did. This was 6months ago. I was able to put everything 'in a box' and move on and things were great. Then his Nan died,she was like his mother so this hit him hard and he took the pain out by picking arguments with me,about why our relationship went wrong in the 1st place,and bringing up a lot of what had happened. I resisted arguing as much as poss but this went on for wks and has made me very angry. He said a lot of things that if he's said them when he came back after Xmas I prob wouldn't of agreed to give things another go. Since it's all come up again I can seem to put it away again. This woman and the decisions he made are constantly on my mind. I don't bring it up in a bid to move on but he can tell something is bothering me and its effecting our relationship. To complicate matters more,we're currently doing the long distance thing due to work commitments. What really needs to happen is for me to move to him,but that involves selling a house,changing my job and moving my child,to somewhere that we would know no-one. I would do this in a heartbeat normally but now I'm not sure our relationship is strong enough. Can I ever get over all that's happened?? How do I do this?(iv already done counselling ,alone and couples) should I move or call it all a day?? I'm so confused,and sad,and fed up,I just want to be happy,and happy with my husband,but it's not happening
Philosoraptor Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I'm very sorry to hear of your pain. He went off and had his fun, then came back to a safe landing place. You're clearly unhappy and comfort is no substitute for happiness. It will be a huge pain and a lot of work, but work now could ensure happiness in the future. You know how he treats you and how he has treated your marriage. If you are happy living that life and showing your daughter that is what a happy marriage looks like, then by all means stay. If you would rather find actual happiness then you need to put yourself and your daughter first. That may mean divorce, but a little work now is worth a lot of happiness later. During your daughters formulative years she will determine what a "healthy" relationship is in her own mind. What she sees will be what she sees as normal. Is normal daddy running off when he pleases and yelling at mommy? Or is it putting yourself first with a strong self esteem and backbone? You need to do whats best not only for yourself, but for your daughter. What will bring you the most happiness and the most stability? 1
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