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I have never felt so worthless


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Posted

Let me start off with that I would never do anything to hurt myself physicaly. But for the past month after I broke up with my EX i have just been feeling like dying.

 

I guess I should let you know some things about myself first. I guess im rather good looking, somewhat regular 24 year old guy from central Europe ( might explain my somewhat poor English ) . But my past has been haunting me my whole life, i have always been really social and outgoing person, until i stumbled upon MMOs at age of 16 ( massively multiplayer online games ), which totaly turned my life around. I became addicted, i stopped seeing people, I turned into really antisocial person over the course of few months, ruined my education because of it, left school, lost majority of my local friends and so on and so on. I have also gained about 40kgs of weight and was disgusted with myself. In short, I ruined the best time of my life and a lot of my health with it.

 

When I turned 21 i FINALY realised things have to change, I have started working out, I have lost all the excess weight and I can call myself fit again. I have started going out, seeing new people and socializing again. I have finaly found a job and now I am on my last year of distance study to finish my screwed up education.

 

Everything was going so well.. Then at the age of 23 I met her, the most beatiful girl I have ever seen, both on the inside and outside. 9 months in I just felt that she is the one I want to spend my life with, we were about to move in, and have one of those stupid looking french bulldogs she just loves so much.

 

When all of sudden she has decided the relationship isn´t working out anymore. Im not going to lie, we had some arguments and some were really ugly, but we always got through them like a breeze. She always said she has never felt so good with someone, that no1 took care of her the way I do, how much she loves me, how much she loves the way i slide with my fingers over the lines of her body when we are in bed together. When all of sudden, she just decides its not working for her anymore, she dumps me , removes me from everywhere, blocks me everywhere and when I try to ask her what happened over the phone, she says she never felt anything and that she was with me just so she isn´t alone.

 

I have lost someone who I thought is the love of my life, in a brink of an eye.

And all I can think of is, am I really that worthless? That when I finaly manage to find someone I want to spend my life with, she is with me only because she didn´t want to be alone. Am I really that worthless that I can´t keep a girl that doesnt want to be alone interested in me? Should a man of my age even feel this way? Why would you ever say this to a person?

 

I feel like i have lost everything, including everything that made me a man. Im broken, spend most of nights being curled up in a bed and crying, stopping myself from calling her. I dont know what to do anymore, It has been a month since the break up and talking to her and i just cant get her out of my head.

Posted

People say things like this to help themselves move on. It's pure selfishness without regard on how it may affect another person.

 

Regardless look at her without the rose colored glasses on. She has clearly shown you who she is and what she is capable of. What you need to do right now is focus on yourself and do the things that make yourself happy. Allow yourself to let go and heal, and try to find a little bit of enjoyment out of everything.

 

Her actions mean nothing about you though. Your self esteem should let you know that you're not worthless and you're a good person. It's her loss for losing someone so caring and loving. What did you lose actually? A back stabbing pretty face? Looks fade, but a black conniving heart doesn't.

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Posted

I know how you feel, I felt the same thing about a few weeks ago. At the moment I'm in the stage where I've accepted it, it doesn't mean I don't want her back but I have to be fair to myself, after we broke up I think I had a pretty good chance to get back together eventually but all the begging, pleading, fighting has ruined probably every single chance for me. I have days where I feel great and days where I constantly think about my ex, it's not the best time in my life and I often feel a little lonely inside.

 

My best advise is to just keep doing what you are doing and every day will be a bit better for you, it might take a month or two but you'll get there. And who knows, maybe she realizes what she's missing in a few months too.

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