LK30 Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 Hi all, I have been with my girlfriend about a year and a half, and she is lovely. She never puts me down (in the verbal sense!), is never demanding, and doesn't have any expectations of me. However, I seem to be putting a lot of pressure on myself. Her previous partner was horrible to her, but he had lots of practical skills, such as DIY around the house and some mechanics skills to be able to fix his car. They did up two houses together, and to add insult to injury he earns around double what I do. I'm a very different person. I am academic and much better at things like learning languages and using computers. However I wish I was more practical. I haven't really got the mindset or talent for building things, or even putting up a picture on a wall! My girlfriend bought a new house recently and I wanted to be able to do all those practical jobs, but I've had to enlist the help of my brother - someone else I am envious of who is motivated and can turn his hand to most things. Like I said earlier, my girlfriend doesn't complain I can't do those practical tasks, but I just feel inadequate a lot of the time and I think being good at hands-on things is always beneficial and I think women feel safer having a partner who can help them. I like to be helpful! I just wondered if anyone else (male) has felt this way and found that they just place massive expectations on themselves. I don't live with my girlfriend but it's something I'm considering and at times I foolishly find myself wishing I wasn't in a relationship because even though I'm happy, the responsibilities of a relationship often exploit my weaknesses - mainly lack of confidence and motivation which have plagued me for years. If I ruin this relationship I'd only make the same mistakes next time and pushing her away would be the biggest mistake of my life when I should be the happiest and most appreciative man on the planet for what I have! Thanks for reading
central Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 The only practical skill that matters is making her happy to be with you. The only manual labor you need to be good at is in the bedroom. Clearly you have other traits which distinguish you from her ex in a good way - why would you want to be more like someone she doesn't want to be with?
Discjockey80 Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 Hi all, I have been with my girlfriend about a year and a half, and she is lovely. She never puts me down (in the verbal sense!), is never demanding, and doesn't have any expectations of me. However, I seem to be putting a lot of pressure on myself. Her previous partner was horrible to her, but he had lots of practical skills, such as DIY around the house and some mechanics skills to be able to fix his car. They did up two houses together, and to add insult to injury he earns around double what I do. I'm a very different person. I am academic and much better at things like learning languages and using computers. However I wish I was more practical. I haven't really got the mindset or talent for building things, or even putting up a picture on a wall! My girlfriend bought a new house recently and I wanted to be able to do all those practical jobs, but I've had to enlist the help of my brother - someone else I am envious of who is motivated and can turn his hand to most things. Like I said earlier, my girlfriend doesn't complain I can't do those practical tasks, but I just feel inadequate a lot of the time and I think being good at hands-on things is always beneficial and I think women feel safer having a partner who can help them. I like to be helpful! I just wondered if anyone else (male) has felt this way and found that they just place massive expectations on themselves. I don't live with my girlfriend but it's something I'm considering and at times I foolishly find myself wishing I wasn't in a relationship because even though I'm happy, the responsibilities of a relationship often exploit my weaknesses - mainly lack of confidence and motivation which have plagued me for years. If I ruin this relationship I'd only make the same mistakes next time and pushing her away would be the biggest mistake of my life when I should be the happiest and most appreciative man on the planet for what I have! Thanks for reading Hi LK- I sometimes feel the same way you do. It isn't a matter of a past lover so much as it's just a sense of after being together so many years that maybe I should learn more of that stuff. And, I'd like to aside form all else. But it takes time and some of it doesn't come easily. My wifes father and brother are both carpenters/handymen and it can be quite intimidating, but I look at the positive that I have them on my side to teach me these things. I just need to take better advantage of it.
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