What do you do when you have lost patience with single women?

July 28, 2014

Hey, look, like I said, I'm not blaming you. I'm just offering up how this can be a learning experience. Sure, you can choose to be angry at this woman, or at single women in general, or at women across the planet for whatever. Anyone can choose to be angry at anyone or anything when they feel frustrated.

Or, you can focus on what's actually within your sphere of control: your own choices (yes, she could have pushed you away, but you also could have walked away once you felt like it wasn't going how you wanted it to, or not gotten involved with her in the first place once you knew that she had this hanging over her, right?) and what you could do differently next time. Doesn't mean it's your "fault" - it just means that it doesn't do you a bit of good to think about whose fault it is. I can validate that it sucks to be used. But I can also tell you, as a woman, that men do that shxt too, and you're only shooting yourself in the foot if you don't look at people as individuals.

It's your call how you want to proceed with this.

All I ever seem to do is learn and damnit I'm sick and tired of all I'm ever doing is that

July 28, 2014

Trust me I have given slow and steady a try. I get nothing. I get no sign they are interested even if it's just more dates. How would you feel in my position? Honestly answer that and no generic responses. No self esteem issues just frustrated

Honestly, I'm not sure I understand. Do you mean that single women you date don't act romantically interested in you and it just fizzles out? Or, do you mean they don't climb into bed with you after five or six dates so you lose interest? Not trying to be obtuse here, just trying to really understand what you mean.

July 28, 2014

Honestly, I'm not sure I understand. Do you mean that single women you date don't act romantically interested in you and it just fizzles out? Or, do you mean they don't climb into bed with you after five or six dates so you lose interest? Not trying to be obtuse here, just trying to really understand what you mean.

I meet someone we may go out on one or two dates talk all the time but it fades or never transitions into more. Funny thing is if I meet one and push for sex and FWB for some weird reason I get that but not if I don't and actually do the waiting game and really spend time getting to know them it fades. I've lost the urge for FWBs and want something with substance but have terrible luck at it. Really terrible luck people I know talk about my terrible track record

July 28, 2014

It's not like I have trouble meeting women hell I seem to date one right after another but no luck in it transitioning into more. Do you even understand how that feels? None of you never answered the question I posted before and I take it you all dont. It's why I began to prefer FWBs. Less BS and headache. I never had any issues with any single woman I had an FWB with.

Sorry, I didn't see a question...I take it you're not referring to the title. We all don't what?

I assure you that almost every single person on LS knows what it feels like to invest emotionally in someone, not have it returned, feel taken for a ride, and curse the opposite (or same) gender for being flighty and thoughtless and rude and cruel.

Relationships are a headache because they do require emotional investment. FWB don't. You pay to play, I'm afraid.

July 28, 2014

I meet someone we may go out on one or two dates talk all the time but it fades or never transitions into more. Funny thing is if I meet one and push for sex and FWB for some weird reason I get that but not if I don't and actually do the waiting game and really spend time getting to know them it fades. I've lost the urge for FWBs and want something with substance but have terrible luck at it. Really terrible luck people I know talk about my terrible track record

Thanks for clarifying that for me. Yes, I do know how this feels. Seems like you will never find the right fit and you keep getting people who aren't upfront and honest. It sucks terribly. I remember thinking I'm never going to find anyone to have a real relationship with because either they weren't honest about what they wanted or they pretended to be something they weren't in order to secure my interest. Ugh, I get it, it seems hopeless after meeting people like that and thinking you are doing everything you can to just meet someone who is special and who treats you like you are special. When I finally met him, I was almost too jaded to appreciate him so don't let your skepticism keep you from trying and being aware of when someone is amazing. I wasted time with him by being difficult because I'd been disappointed so many times and I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. My husband is an amazing man and honestly I just had had so many mediocre narcissists that I couldn't believe he was real. He is though. Just give yourself a break after this relationship fallout and heal. Then start back with a renewed interest in finding someone who treats you special and sees you as their special man and not as some throwaway boy toy.

July 28, 2014

Thanks for clarifying that for me. Yes, I do know how this feels. Seems like you will never find the right fit and you keep getting people who aren't upfront and honest. It sucks terribly. I remember thinking I'm never going to find anyone to have a real relationship with because either they weren't honest about what they wanted or they pretended to be something they weren't in order to secure my interest. Ugh, I get it, it seems hopeless after meeting people like that and thinking you are doing everything you can to just meet someone who is special and who treats you like you are special. When I finally met him, I was almost too jaded to appreciate him so don't let your skepticism keep you from trying and being aware of when someone is amazing. I wasted time with him by being difficult because I'd been disappointed so many times and I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. My husband is an amazing man and honestly I just had had so many mediocre narcissists that I couldn't believe he was real. He is though. Just give yourself a break after this relationship fallout and heal. Then start back with a renewed interest in finding someone who treats you special and sees you as their special man and not as some throwaway boy toy.

It's frustrating because I seem to have no luck when I take sex out of the equation

July 28, 2014

All I ever seem to do is learn and damnit I'm sick and tired of all I'm ever doing is that

Wait, I thought you said you had just started this process. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/486919-why-do-i-feel-upset

OK, I don't really know what sort of advice you want here. I'm trying to help but perhaps you don't want that. I'll bow out.

July 28, 2014

Wait, I thought you said you had just started this process. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/486919-why-do-i-feel-upset

OK, I don't really know what sort of advice you want here. I'm trying to help but perhaps you don't want that. I'll bow out.

I meant it never working out. I think it was you say take it as a learning experience. I never meant it to mean not actually figure things out. Just frustrated from it not always working out consistently

July 29, 2014

I'm cool now I guess really thinking about it gave me a lot of frustration earlier. I guess it's like I just totally take that sexual element out of the equation when I do the dating normal thing instead of FWB. It's like I'm more of a friend than potential relationship partner. It's only thing I can think of right now

July 29, 2014

I meet someone we may go out on one or two dates talk all the time but it fades or never transitions into more. Funny thing is if I meet one and push for sex and FWB for some weird reason I get that but not if I don't and actually do the waiting game and really spend time getting to know them it fades.

That's kind of what dating is for. You date someone once, or twice, or three times, and start to get to know them, and then decide if you like them enough to keep going.

I think most people have had far more dates than they've had relationships. That's not unusual. Dates are auditions, and most auditions are unsuccessful.

However if you think you are really, unusually, genuinely bad at turning dates into relationships, then maybe ask a friend what they think you're doing to turn these girls off. Our friends often see us far more clearly that we see ourselves.

July 29, 2014

That's kind of what dating is for. You date someone once, or twice, or three times, and start to get to know them, and then decide if you like them enough to keep going.

I think most people have had far more dates than they've had relationships. That's not unusual. Dates are auditions, and most auditions are unsuccessful.

However if you think you are really, unusually, genuinely bad at turning dates into relationships, then maybe ask a friend what they think you're doing to turn these girls off. Our friends often see us far more clearly that we see ourselves.

It's just frustrating because I'm 32 and never really had a relationship. From what my friends say I pick the wrong ones. I've had friends, coworkers and patients offer to fix me up. I've had nothing but FWBs

July 29, 2014

I've had friends, coworkers and patients offer to fix me up.

Do you take them up on that? Maybe they really can help there.

July 29, 2014

What Candy said.

Also, single women are completely diverse.

July 29, 2014

Do you take them up on that? Maybe they really can help there.

I have thought about it

July 29, 2014

What Candy said.

Also, single women are completely diverse.

Yeah I understand. I don't know I just lost the patience for it.

July 29, 2014

Perhaps they have lost patience with you.

I get the feeling that essentially, MW and taken women feel safe to you. You don't have to ever be completely vulnerable with them and you don't have to worry that they will be with you and because of that you can quickly move to what feels like a deeper relationship but never truly will be or could be.

Yes, single women take longer to cultivate a real and true relationship with, but that is because they are truly able to have one with you.

I find it very interesting though that it is all about them. Yes you say you are losing patience with them, but its because they take too long to get to know or they don't seem to be as pretty, or smart, or healthy, or whatever as the idealized image of taken or MW in your head.

Like I said I put in months with these single women. It's not like I'm asking anything after a month or two. It never felt like a deeper relationship with someone already taken. They felt that. You just don't get it. How would you feel after getting to know women for months and get nothing not just one or two but most single members of the opposite sex? This is what frustrates me because you women will never get it. I go from MW to single woman to another single woman to MW or woman with boyfriend. There is nothing ideal about being with someone already taken. It's just to past the time and occasionally I do get some feelings but that happens. It's them if it was me I wouldn't have coworker which are women trying to fix me up or even patients that are female that offer. They all constantly tell be I don't know how to pick them and I have a horrible track record with women. So there!!!! Take the time to look back at what I have said.

Edited July 29, 2014 by joystickd

July 29, 2014

I think my big thing is as person if you ain't feeling it just say it. If you ain't able to pursue something further just say it. Don't waste someone's time by dragging something out be a mature woman and just say it but some women hate to just do it. They fear being the bad guy. Honesty never made anyone the bad guy. If I know something isn't going anywhere I just say it. I'm not into dragging something out and potentially hurting someone. That is not my thing. Like I said before my terrible luck with single women made me gravitate toward women that were taken. I think you all getting somewhat sensitive because I made it about the women isn't helping. I know part of my problem is lack of time. Hell I work 12-16 hours some days. Part of that is because to kind of avoid really going out there. I guess because I'm so frustrated lately.

July 30, 2014

After my marriage failed, and in need of a quick source for easy sex, I discovered married women. I found married women to be easy, most of them are starved for attention, and bored with their sex life, so I did not need to put in much of an effort. Also I did not need to worry about getting them pregnant, or having to meet their parents, friends associates. They did not want to take the chance of being seen in public, so none of this nonsense of wining and dining them. In most case it was all about sex, with no strings. Like shooting fish in a barrel

July 30, 2014

After my marriage failed, and in need of a quick source for easy sex, I discovered married women. I found married women to be easy, most of them are starved for attention, and bored with their sex life, so I did not need to put in much of an effort. Also I did not need to worry about getting them pregnant, or having to meet their parents, friends associates. They did not want to take the chance of being seen in public, so none of this nonsense of wining and dining them. In most case it was all about sex, with no strings. Like shooting fish in a barrel

This is the thing one of the women on this thread doesn't get.

July 30, 2014

Consider how you may be talking to women you disagree with. There's no reason today for a woman to stay with a guy who discounts what she says and does love-busters like disrespectful judgments (see marriage builders).

I hear you on the making the effort and not getting it acknowledged. It may be that there is mismatching between the kind of effort you feel you are putting in and the kind of effort they feel they want and need. A difference in "love languages" as it were.

I still hold (even after this last failed effort) with the "buyers, renters and freeloaders" concept. If someone isn't willing to change even a little to be in a relationship with you, then they are freeloading and are not into you that much. If they are willing to change a little, then they are renters. If they are willing to try to put aside "what comes natural" and stop habits that annoy you (those they can) then they are buyers and that is who you should stick to. I'm thinking you just haven't found a "buyer" yet or someone you actually find worth the work of negotiation. I could be wrong of course.

I turned myself pretty much inside out for the last guy and found he couldn't ever talk to me about any problem without belittling me, no matter HOW respectful I tried to be in letting him know there was a problem. He just wanted a good time, not a relationship.

I think my big thing is as person if you ain't feeling it just say it. If you ain't able to pursue something further just say it. Don't waste someone's time by dragging something out be a mature woman and just say it but some women hate to just do it. They fear being the bad guy. Honesty never made anyone the bad guy. If I know something isn't going anywhere I just say it. I'm not into dragging something out and potentially hurting someone. That is not my thing. Like I said before my terrible luck with single women made me gravitate toward women that were taken. I think you all getting somewhat sensitive because I made it about the women isn't helping. I know part of my problem is lack of time. Hell I work 12-16 hours some days. Part of that is because to kind of avoid really going out there. I guess because I'm so frustrated lately.

July 30, 2014

I meet someone we may go out on one or two dates talk all the time but it fades or never transitions into more. Funny thing is if I meet one and push for sex and FWB for some weird reason I get that but not if I don't and actually do the waiting game and really spend time getting to know them it fades. I've lost the urge for FWBs and want something with substance but have terrible luck at it. Really terrible luck people I know talk about my terrible track record

I am also having a bit of a problem understanding your situation... you have been successful at getting into various fwb and casual situations with married/taken women, but when you try and actually date someone it doesn't develop and after several months they fade? And it's always the woman who starts pulling away and ends it, right? And in these dating scenarios are you having sex or postponing it for months to try and establish a serious relationship first? Do you demonstrate sexual interest or keep it friendly and platonic at first?

So the thing that strikes me as odd is that you seem to have no problem in the sex appeal department since you can get women to go for casual arrangements, and you have no trouble getting women to date you for several months, yet you don't seem to be able to integrate the two in a meaningful way. It's entirely possible that you simply haven't met the right one, or perhaps as your friends suggest, that you're focusing on inappropriate types (not that I like labeling people as types).

Is it possible that you're choosing women (to date) who are actually unavailable even though they're technically single? A lot of single people (dating sites and otherwise) are so hung up on protecting their heart from potential hurt that they go through the motions and convince themselves that they are ready for a relationship, but in actuality they are closed off and unable to form attachments (much less fall in love). Or could it be that this is you? It takes two people who are open and available to make a couple with a healthy relationship. If a person is unwilling/unable to be vulnerable they're unable to love.

I couldn't figure out how many of these several month dating scenarios you've been in, but if it's only a very few then perhaps your expectations are too optimistic. It's hard for most people to find someone, and those that do usually date a lot of people before they find the availability, compatibility, and chemistry all wrapped together. And the ones that seem to find love easily, I believe, do so because they have an unusual degree of openness and willingness to be vulnerable. So if I were you, the first thing I'd be figuring out is whether or not YOU are sufficiently open and able to be vulnerable, or if you're holding back too much (or too little) when dating. The fact that you seem to be successful in situations where the women are automatically unavailable might be a clue.

July 30, 2014

I am also having a bit of a problem understanding your situation... you have been successful at getting into various fwb and casual situations with married/taken women, but when you try and actually date someone it doesn't develop and after several months they fade? And it's always the woman who starts pulling away and ends it, right? And in these dating scenarios are you having sex or postponing it for months to try and establish a serious relationship first? Do you demonstrate sexual interest or keep it friendly and platonic at first?

So the thing that strikes me as odd is that you seem to have no problem in the sex appeal department since you can get women to go for casual arrangements, and you have no trouble getting women to date you for several months, yet you don't seem to be able to integrate the two in a meaningful way. It's entirely possible that you simply haven't met the right one, or perhaps as your friends suggest, that you're focusing on inappropriate types (not that I like labeling people as types).

Is it possible that you're choosing women (to date) who are actually unavailable even though they're technically single? A lot of single people (dating sites and otherwise) are so hung up on protecting their heart from potential hurt that they go through the motions and convince themselves that they are ready for a relationship, but in actuality they are closed off and unable to form attachments (much less fall in love). Or could it be that this is you? It takes two people who are open and available to make a couple with a healthy relationship. If a person is unwilling/unable to be vulnerable they're unable to love.

I couldn't figure out how many of these several month dating scenarios you've been in, but if it's only a very few then perhaps your expectations are too optimistic. It's hard for most people to find someone, and those that do usually date a lot of people before they find the availability, compatibility, and chemistry all wrapped together. And the ones that seem to find love easily, I believe, do so because they have an unusual degree of openness and willingness to be vulnerable. So if I were you, the first thing I'd be figuring out is whether or not YOU are sufficiently open and able to be vulnerable, or if you're holding back too much (or too little) when dating. The fact that you seem to be successful in situations where the women are automatically unavailable might be a clue.

I think one thing is if they want to wait how not to be too platonic. I think I come off more friendly that a potential romantic partner. It's why I'm not real big on waiting for sex

July 30, 2014

This is the thing one of the women on this thread doesn't get.

Uh, who? Because I think I've pointed this out several times actually...

Anyway. Why not let these people who want to set you up do it? What can it hurt? Not even sure why you haven't already jumped on this.

July 30, 2014

Uh, who? Because I think I've pointed this out several times actually...

Anyway. Why not let these people who want to set you up do it? What can it hurt? Not even sure why you haven't already jumped on this.

I have considered it only thing is some want to fix me up with someone race as me and I'm totally against dating someone same race as me. I totally have no attraction to someone same race as me. I had a bunch of bad experiences and I'm to the point they are someone I could never see as even someone I could be with in any capacity

July 31, 2014

I can honestly say I think I got to the point where I got where I can work the attraction and what one could call seduction thing down but suck at working to build a foundation for a relationship.

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What do you do when you have lost patience with single women?

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