dumbass2 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 I wanted to bring this up even though she is my ex now. I didn't know about this board until our break up. so she knew I was a little conservative and had mentioned about getting her nipples pierced. She is in her 40's now and had them in her early 20's. I asked her why and told her that I was very happy with how her body was right now and she wouldn't need to do it for me. she didn't have a really great reason that I can remember, but she did also mention about the bra with the cut outs for piercings. Well, I never had a woman with nipple piercings before so I looked into it a bit and if it is done tastefully, it can look pretty good and i also learned how it can affect a woman. I warmed up to the idea and let her know that if she wanted to, I was all for it. Weeks go by and then she apparently gets upset with me for going out with my friends one night. We didn't have plans as she was going to be with one of her kids. I tried calling her earlier that evening to let her know but she didn't pick up. She tried calling me later and I missed the call and sent her a text where I was and I'd call in a second. She text me to have fun. I try calling 2 times in the next 30 minutes and no answer. I rarely went out with my good friends. I come to find out a few days later that she went out that night and got the piercings done. When I found out and saw them i loved them. Had a great time with them and told her they were great. What does it say about a middle age woman that would go out and get her nipples pierced because she was upset at her boyfriend and thought he truly wouldn't like them? This had to truly be a sign that she was heading for the exits? I never cheated on her or gave her reason to believe i would, but her ex husband had a few times. Just too insecure with herself?
ja123 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 Maybe she's in a mid-life crisis. How long has she been single? How old are you?
ascendotum Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 I would say your interpretation was about right about being insecure but not necessarily that she was heading for the exits. It would not phase me if an older gf wanted to get her nipples pierced, but I would find it a bit weird that she would do it on the spur of the moment because she is in a huff because I gone out for the night. Kind of impulsive and smacks a little of 'I'll show you' or 'I'll go out and have a good time too' or 'I'll make myself hotter/edgier' knee jerk response. Maybe pierced nipples one time, maybe getting drunk and doing a guy another time. Did you break up soon after?. Least it was not an impulsive late night tattoo.
Author dumbass2 Posted July 27, 2014 Author Posted July 27, 2014 Maybe she's in a mid-life crisis. How long has she been single? How old are you? she was married young 20 years and then right into a 3 year relationship with a man 12 years older and then come to find out after we broke up that it may have only been a month after that before we started. She told me that she had been single for at least a year when we met. We started off pretty fast in our relationship. I am only a few years older than her. My friend tells me that with some of the other stuff going on, that it never would have worked. He also mentioned mid-life crisis, sabotaging and insecurity because of first marriage. She always worried about how she looked. more so than I think a normal woman should. She asked me at Valentines dinner if I would ever cheat on her. One of her daughters is 20 now at college.
Author dumbass2 Posted July 28, 2014 Author Posted July 28, 2014 I would say your interpretation was about right about being insecure but not necessarily that she was heading for the exits. It would not phase me if an older gf wanted to get her nipples pierced, but I would find it a bit weird that she would do it on the spur of the moment because she is in a huff because I gone out for the night. Kind of impulsive and smacks a little of 'I'll show you' or 'I'll go out and have a good time too' or 'I'll make myself hotter/edgier' knee jerk response. Maybe pierced nipples one time, maybe getting drunk and doing a guy another time. Did you break up soon after?. Least it was not an impulsive late night tattoo. She broke up with me about 10 days later. She did a couple of other things within the next week that I think now were intended to maybe make me break up with her. When she did break up with me i took it well because I was frustrated and she asked if i was seeing someone which was an easy "no" from me. She kept initiating contact with me over the next month.
ja123 Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 I would agree with ascendotum - she's behaving impulsively, therefore you do have to wonder what she might get up to next. It sounds like she's trying to camouflage her insecurity with aging in general. What is also troublesome is that she's hardly ever been alone without a man in her adult life. No wonder she's insecure. She's in her mid/late forties and doesn't know herself. If she doesn't know herself, then how can she love herself? If she doesn't love herself, then how can she love you? 1
ja123 Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 She broke up with me about 10 days later. She did a couple of other things within the next week that I think now were intended to maybe make me break up with her. When she did break up with me i took it well because I was frustrated and she asked if i was seeing someone which was an easy "no" from me. She kept initiating contact with me over the next month. Okay, so she was trying to sabotage your relationship. It sounds like she has a lot of things to work through and maybe now is her time to do so. When someone is newly single and in a mid-life crisis, there are a lot of speed bumps. As for you, you're free to start dating again. It'd be best to go no contact with her.
Author dumbass2 Posted July 28, 2014 Author Posted July 28, 2014 Okay, so she was trying to sabotage your relationship. It sounds like she has a lot of things to work through and maybe now is her time to do so. When someone is newly single and in a mid-life crisis, there are a lot of speed bumps. As for you, you're free to start dating again. It'd be best to go no contact with her. Yeh, I tried that and did well for the first month and was giving her her space but she kept sending me texts and signals that confused even my friends. I tried finally to initiate some contact because I was in love with her, but that has failed to get anywhere. she called me last 3 weeks ago and she asked again if I was seeing someone. We've been in no contact since. It's been hard for me and if she wants to make up for missing her 20's, she will find it a little more difficult now in her mid 40's, but she needs to figure things out. I wish I could wait for her. She is a great woman, just doesn't know what she wants at this point. I hope she doesn't get hurt.
bentleychic Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 If she's in to that stuff and had mentioned wanting them (as you said), I wouldn't read anything in to it other than she finally decided to do what she wanted. I didn't start getting tattoos and piercings until my late 20's/early 30's and I waited until then b/c I wanted them, but didn't want family/friends, etc. to get upset with me for them. Finally I hit the stage where I didn't care and got what I wanted.
newmoon Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 my friend and his wife have been married 8 years. in year 6 she went and got her face pierced, her dimples on each side. she didn't tell him, and they didn't discuss it prior. she is 35, he is 38. he can't divorce her, so he is stuck with her new look. my opinion on this is that it's not really about *you.* it's about her, and her self-esteem, etc. it's a reflection of something she is feeling and isn't dealing with, or it could be immaturity, or a mid-life crisis as someone posted. it's about her and it would indicate she isn't relationship-ready until she sorts herself out. grown women don't go off doing bizarre stuff like that unless they have issues of some sort or things they are still trying to prove
Author dumbass2 Posted July 28, 2014 Author Posted July 28, 2014 my friend and his wife have been married 8 years. in year 6 she went and got her face pierced, her dimples on each side. she didn't tell him, and they didn't discuss it prior. she is 35, he is 38. he can't divorce her, so he is stuck with her new look. my opinion on this is that it's not really about *you.* it's about her, and her self-esteem, etc. it's a reflection of something she is feeling and isn't dealing with, or it could be immaturity, or a mid-life crisis as someone posted. it's about her and it would indicate she isn't relationship-ready until she sorts herself out. grown women don't go off doing bizarre stuff like that unless they have issues of some sort or things they are still trying to prove My good friend has been trying to convince me that no matter what I think I could have done different, that she is still who she is and it would not have made a difference. I could not change her because she needs to do this herself. She also had family in her ear to not rush into another relationship. She really needs to just be single and try not to get into another relationship until she can go through this phase and try to figure things out. Her daughter is 20 and she is always very much into trying to help her with her boy issues and some of the advise she was giving made me shiver.
WorryGirl Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I don't see the problem. It wasn't impulsive or out of nowhere, she talked about wanting to get it done. She happened to do it at a time when maybe she wasn't completely happy, so it will have given her a little adrenaline boost. It's no biggy. A few years ago I was contemplating a nipple piercing. When I did get it done, it wasn't on a day where it was planned. I just ended up doing it then. And I definitely felt good after. 1
WorryGirl Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 my friend and his wife have been married 8 years. in year 6 she went and got her face pierced, her dimples on each side. she didn't tell him, and they didn't discuss it prior. she is 35, he is 38. he can't divorce her, so he is stuck with her new look. my opinion on this is that it's not really about *you.* it's about her, and her self-esteem, etc. it's a reflection of something she is feeling and isn't dealing with, or it could be immaturity, or a mid-life crisis as someone posted. it's about her and it would indicate she isn't relationship-ready until she sorts herself out. grown women don't go off doing bizarre stuff like that unless they have issues of some sort or things they are still trying to prove This is absolute tosh. Getting a piercing is no reflection on your state of mind. 1
Author dumbass2 Posted July 29, 2014 Author Posted July 29, 2014 This is absolute tosh. Getting a piercing is no reflection on your state of mind. Funny thing is that I had told her that I really had no problem if she gets them done, weeks prior. She just picked an odd time to do it, spur of the moment, after I was not able to answer her call because I was with friends. I believe she was emotional when she went to get them done. she created drama the next week or so and we were broken up 10 days after the piercings. I think she couldn't handle me doing stuff with my friends (not going to pick up bars and stuff like that, but who knows what she thought, very insecure) and that was it. She never discussed with me that she had an issue with anything I was doing.
WorryGirl Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Funny thing is that I had told her that I really had no problem if she gets them done, weeks prior. She just picked an odd time to do it, spur of the moment, after I was not able to answer her call because I was with friends. I believe she was emotional when she went to get them done. she created drama the next week or so and we were broken up 10 days after the piercings. I think she couldn't handle me doing stuff with my friends (not going to pick up bars and stuff like that, but who knows what she thought, very insecure) and that was it. She never discussed with me that she had an issue with anything I was doing. She may well have been emotional when she had them done, but she already wanted them done. I would be alarmed if she done it completely out of nowhere and was not even interested in the first place. But she did want to get them done. Perhaps her getting them done at such a vulnerable time was her way of picking herself up. I appreciate that you guys have problems and that she is insecure, but I don't think her nipple piercings are symbolic for anything. I shaved a side cut not long after I broke up with an ex. I was upset and I fancied doing something fun and cool. I had considered it on and off before then. But when I actually went and did it, one of my friends came to me and said she was concerned I was handling things badly. I did appreciate her concern but it was crazy! Stop reading so far into it. Fix your problems, don't create them. 1
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