greeneyedgirl713 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 Hello, I'm a queer woman that seems to have trouble meeting other like-minded queer woman. I had met this seemingly awesome girl online, and she felt a little too good to be true. We spoke for about 2 months online and went on about 3 casual dates, which isn't really much, I know. Meanwhile, my best friend passed away. I started falling hard for this girl in a way that I think was just a distraction from grieving. I do have abandonment issues from a very abusive past and, literally, being told by a parent that I was unwanted and left to fend for myself. These feelings just reared their head in an ugly and uncomfortable way and I started to come off very clingy, desperate, and even accusatory when she asked to re-schedule. After that, she never responded to me again and bailed on our recheduled date. I wrote a follow-up email to ask what happened and still no answer. This really hit me hard and I feel a lot of shame and guilt over screwing up a potentially good thing and scaring her off. Just a week prior she was saying how she wasn't expecting to meet someone like me. About a month has passed. Should I contact her again to explain that I was unfairly transferring feelings onto her during a time of extreme emotional duress? I'm conflicted because I think if she respected me, she would have at least provided a reason or cancelled, but maybe I'm expecting too much after so few dates? And maybe she was justified after how I acted? I suppose I worry that I missed out on something potentially great, and want to live my life honestly and boldly, but I also don't want to go through feelings of rejection all over again.
Gaeta Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 No, do not contact her. You were in a bad place at that time and it ruined something that could have been good under other circumstances but what is done is done. No need to revisit the past. The fact you are still thinking about her indicates you are still feeling cligniness and neediness. You need to work on your abandonment issues with a professional or a support group. You need to learn to let go, and this is one opportunity for you to do just that....let go. There are many women out there for you to connect with, it's true and you need to remind yourself that if she's not the one then someone else will be.
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