SunsetRed Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 Havent been on this board in a while. I was busy living my life, getting out, not being tied to MMs schedule. So, its been a few years after my break up a MM and I have finally gotten into a serious relationship and it feels good. Thing is, I still think about MM and all the what ifs and how if Id been a better gf, we'd have been together and blah blah My new guy is great and treats me w a lot of respect and there's no chance of him taking my life in a negative direction like MM would have done. I'm first on my new guy's list and we don't have to hide from anyone. So, all of this feels good, so I wish I could mentally let go of the past and MM. I think I still have some of the unhealthy OW qualities in me that attracted me to an MM to begin with. So maybe that's it. I feel like MM and I had such a great mental connection, but what does that say about me if I connect better to guys who are unavailable than to guys who are available? I know I will not leave my new relationship to go back to MM, as now I get to go on vacations and get aways where as before, I was left alone while MM took the wife places I wanted to go to. I need to just take a deep breath and be grateful that i am with someone who thinks the world of me and would do anything for me.
blue963 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 In time you will forget about mm and live a wonderful life. Very happy that you have found someone who is treating you with respect and care. I think thats is what we all want.
jwi71 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 Havent been on this board in a while. I was busy living my life, getting out, not being tied to MMs schedule. So, its been a few years after my break up a MM and I have finally gotten into a serious relationship and it feels good. Thing is, I still think about MM and all the what ifs and how if Id been a better gf, we'd have been together and blah blah My new guy is great and treats me w a lot of respect and there's no chance of him taking my life in a negative direction like MM would have done. I'm first on my new guy's list and we don't have to hide from anyone. So, all of this feels good, so I wish I could mentally let go of the past and MM. I think I still have some of the unhealthy OW qualities in me that attracted me to an MM to begin with. So maybe that's it. I feel like MM and I had such a great mental connection, but what does that say about me if I connect better to guys who are unavailable than to guys who are available? I know I will not leave my new relationship to go back to MM, as now I get to go on vacations and get aways where as before, I was left alone while MM took the wife places I wanted to go to. I need to just take a deep breath and be grateful that i am with someone who thinks the world of me and would do anything for me. I would be worried that, after years, you STILL compare men to him. And no one measures up. If someone did the past would stay there. The first bold is rug-sweeping MM as his reactions TO your actions - "Had I been better then HIS actions are different." Which is complete and utter horse****. He acted that way because he was a douche-canoe. Your actions didn't compel him - HE did. And if,looking at the second bit in bold, when in an R,you have routine comparisons to the past - its not healthy for anyone. You deserve a life bereft of that self-imposed flogging and he (new great guy) deserves a lady who's head is not finding him lacking to someone in the past. Now everyone remembers the past, I would say hopefully to a lesser degree, fondly. But to measure now as not as good as then - that's a problem. And that's the sense I get. Maybe talk this out with your girlfriends and your support system. Or IC. I want you to have a good happy life - you deserve it. So what's holding you back? 2
Poppy47 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Hey Sunset, I remember you. I haven't been here for ages either. I remember your MM was seriously a **** to you. It sounds to me like you haven't really let go of him. Your new guy sounds wonderful. If you can't give all of yourself to him it's not fair. It's hard to let go completely but until you do, you won't fully participate and enjoy what you have now. Poppy
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