SoThatHappened Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 Jane3000, my advice still stands. Not trying to be mean, but your advice is wrong, in my opinion. Anyone telling her to contact him while she's still in her current emotional state (i.e. still has feelings for him) is wrong. Jane3000, I think you're looking for a reason to contact. He's made it clear that he doesn't want anything to do with you by not replying to any previous contact from you. Leave this alone. You can't "steal" clients. If clients decide to go with the former coworker and stop doing business with your ex, that's their decision. You are looking for any excuse to contact him, and you were given this opportunity. You're thinking that it's your moral/ethical duty, but the truth is you haven't let him go and you just want to contact him. Don't do it. You'll look bad, you'll feel worse (whether or not he responds). He doesn't want to be with you. Leave him alone. 2
Tbisb74 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 Oh good grief people, quit hanging on to something that's over! This has got her all in a mind-mess, now! You guys have got to quit clouding the water with all the emotional crap! I relayed to her, time and again, to keep it business-like and impersonal - to keep the emotional well away! Really, is this any reason to not at least give him some warning? So down the line he somehow finds out she knew - and you can imagine can't you? "Why didn't you tell me?! You could at least have let me know....!" Geesh, people cling on too hard to the emotional after-shocks....Time to help her get over it already, not keep her mired in it up to her neck! So she lets the opportunity to at least give him a heads-up because "obviously she's just looking for an excuse to keep in touch...." Gimme a damn break!
SoThatHappened Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 She admits she still cares. That and THAT ALONE is why she's using this opportunity as an excuse to contact him. Tbisb74, the advice you're giving her is not good advice for someone obviously still emotionally attached. Yes, it is "time to help her get over it"... That's why she just needs to stay away and not contact him in any way. 2
Smarty Pants Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 THIS is why you don't date coworkers. If he wasn't your ex, would you go out of your way to tell him? I doubt it. Keep your business life and personal life separate. I would advise you to stay out of it. 3
Tbisb74 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 Well, I have said my piece and given my opinion. I'm going to bow out, because turning this thread into a third-party 'should she/shouldn't she?' is just going to fray tempers, divide members and confuse the OP even further. For myself, I thank you all for your varied input, but that's as far as I'm going with this. I wish the OP Good luck, whatever she may decide to do.
SoThatHappened Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 Well, I have said my piece and given my opinion. I'm going to bow out, because turning this thread into a third-party 'should she/shouldn't she?' is just going to fray tempers, divide members and confuse the OP even further. For myself, I thank you all for your varied input, but that's as far as I'm going with this. I wish the OP Good luck, whatever she may decide to do. Thank you. That's the best thing that could happen. Anyone telling the OP to contact him is giving bad advice. It's not a business-related issue anyway. It's a matter of the heart and the attachment she's still dealing with. Best thing Jane3000 can do is NOT contact him and move on with her life. Ethics/morals/business/whatever be damned.
No Limit Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 Keep your hands off this. At best he'll ignore you thinking you're jealous again. At worst he'll think you were in on this too since you quit and you'll get in real trouble. You're not together anymore, you have no obligations to him. This isn't about ethics or morals either, you have to finally put yourself first instead of him. 2
zen2475 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 I agree it's best not to say anything. While I would hope that he had this employee sign a non solicitation agreement that would bar that employee from contacting customers for a finite period time. Even if he didn't, most states (assuming you are in the US) have a adopted some version of the Uniform Trade Secrets Act, which means employees are statutorily prohibited from stealing their employer's trade secrets, which is inclusive of his employee list. Thus, the departing employee can be subject to either civil or criminal penalties, or both. But that is his problem, and I agree that once he decided he no longer wanted you in his life, he no longer deserved your good will and consideration. 1
BC1980 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 It's not your problem anymore. It has nothing to do with you.
SycamoreCircle Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 I'm with HappyLove and the others who tell you to keep your nose out of his business. You need to focus on you. You need to focus on bettering your life not rescuing this guy's business. Besides, let's say you did alter things for the better. Who's to say a month down the road something else doesn't come up which throws his business in peril? When you are happy, when you are positive, when the world is opened up to you, you will not be privy to scandals such as this. You will move in an uplifting and enlightening way.
ja123 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 I second Gaeta. Why in the heck would you get involved and potentially open yourself up to a nightmare? You'd mentioned that you have to move on. Well, then, do. No one is going to give you any medals for doing this. Your motives are questionable, are they not? Are you looking for his validation because he went NC on you? Your Ex is a businessman, he's aware of the types of stunts people pull when they leave a company. Leave this between him and his soon-to-be ex-employee. It's not your place to get involved. 2
Bumpin in My Trunk Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 (edited) Oh good grief people, quit hanging on to something that's over! This has got her all in a mind-mess, now! You guys have got to quit clouding the water with all the emotional crap! I relayed to her, time and again, to keep it business-like and impersonal - to keep the emotional well away! Really, is this any reason to not at least give him some warning? So down the line he somehow finds out she knew - and you can imagine can't you? "Why didn't you tell me?! You could at least have let me know....!" Geesh, people cling on too hard to the emotional after-shocks....Time to help her get over it already, not keep her mired in it up to her neck! So she lets the opportunity to at least give him a heads-up because "obviously she's just looking for an excuse to keep in touch...." Gimme a damn break! NO. Just let the guy get ****ed. Besides, from what I've read I think he broke up with her and doesn't want anything with her anymore so the best thing she should do is nothing. I know this because I tried to help my ex after she left me. She didn't want my help and was very defensive. I offered my help because 1, I genuinely care about her, 2 I still want to win her over. Buuuuuut I stopped, went NC, did 180, and let her deal with the consequences of her actions. This woman should do the same thing EDIT: I think I might have quoted the wrong user so I apologize for if I directed this message to the wrong person. Edited July 28, 2014 by Bumpin in My Trunk
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