bubblesbursted Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 So, I know I am going to get a lot of negative replies here but I am lost and I feel guilty. Let me start from the beginning. One of my close guy friends, infact you can say best guy friend for over an year told me he had feelings for me. This happened like 3 months ago. It was a shocker for me so I said no to him. In addition to this, I was still in the process of moving on from my last BU which happened 6 months ago. Now for the last 3 months, my guy best friend has been constantly trying his best to pursue me and I have been strictly against the idea of dating or coming into a relationship with him. For starters , I am not attracted to him I see him just as a friend but he didn't give up. We had been out alone for like 3 or 4 dates and it was great. I was thinking of saying yes to him so I thought about this for a week. 2 days ago, I finally thought about it and decided to give him a chance. He has been very happy since then and I dont feel the same way. I am not as ecstatic as him. Infact nothing has changed for me. He is a great guy and he would keep any girl happy but now I dont understand why I am in a relationship with him. I just don't feel it. He constantly tells me he loves me and my reaction is to delete that "I love you text" and moreover, he expects me to reply to his "I love you" and this idea makes me cringe so I just settle with "Love u too dude". I mean, yea I do love him as a friend but I dont know what I am doing. I just dont think he is the right guy for me. I dont feel the heat or anything. I thought with time maybe i would develop feelings for him but its not working and I am not happy. I know most of you would ask me to break it up while its still new but I know this guy has been constantly trying his best to get me for 3 to 4 months and he is my best guy friend. I will just end up breaking his heart. And also ruin the friendship. What do I do. I feel too guilty. Please help.
somedude81 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 That really sucks that you gave him a try and just could not get anything to work. I've lost track of how many good female friends that I really liked who never gave me a chance. Things always ended with a big fight and we stopped talking on bad terms. I never spoke to any of them ever again. Ruining the friendship. The friendship is already over as soon as one person gets strong feelings for the other, regardless if they decided to try dating or not. You gave it your best shot and things just didn't work out. Now it looks like it's time to go your separate ways. Hopefully you guys will be able to part on good terms. I don't think you should feel guilty because you did give him a chance. If you didn't give him a chance and broke off contact, that would be something to feel guilty about. 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted July 27, 2014 Author Posted July 27, 2014 That really sucks that you gave him a try and just could not get anything to work. I've lost track of how many good female friends that I really liked who never gave me a chance. Things always ended with a big fight and we stopped talking on bad terms. I never spoke to any of them ever again. Ruining the friendship. The friendship is already over as soon as one person gets strong feelings for the other, regardless if they decided to try dating or not. You gave it your best shot and things just didn't work out. Now it looks like it's time to go your separate ways. Hopefully you guys will be able to part on good terms. I don't think you should feel guilty because you did give him a chance. If you didn't give him a chance and broke off contact, that would be something to feel guilty about. So in short, I already lost his friendship? And I did, I have been trying to make myself like him but I can't. I tried but I just can't.
somedude81 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 So in short, I already lost his friendship? And I did, I have been trying to make myself like him but I can't. I tried but I just can't. Yes, I do believe the friendship is over. There is just no way you can break up with him and stay friends. Just think, do you normally stay friends with your ex's? The only way I can see you two staying friends is if he moves his affections to another woman. Since he currently seems to be obsessed with you, that doesn't seem likely. It really is too bad that you couldn't start liking him. Some times things are just not meant to be. 1
somedude81 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 You didn't ruin a friendship because they never was one to begin with. This guy, like many others like him, only befriended a girl he is interested in, in hopes that he will get his shot at you. Dude you don't know that. I've fallen for several girls that I had absolutely zero interest in when I became their friends. bubblesbursted, please don't think less of him because he developed feelings for you, regardless of the circumstances. 2
Eggplant Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 He constantly tells me he loves me and my reaction is to delete that "I love you text" and moreover, he expects me to reply to his "I love you" and this idea makes me cringe so I just settle with "Love u too dude". Whatever chance there might have been, he ruined it with his premature declarations of love and pushiness. 1
Tbisb74 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 So, I know I am going to get a lot of negative replies here but I am lost and I feel guilty. Let me start from the beginning. One of my close guy friends, infact you can say best guy friend for over an year told me he had feelings for me. This happened like 3 months ago. It was a shocker for me so I said no to him. In addition to this, I was still in the process of moving on from my last BU which happened 6 months ago. Now for the last 3 months, my guy best friend has been constantly trying his best to pursue me and I have been strictly against the idea of dating or coming into a relationship with him. For starters , I am not attracted to him I see him just as a friend but he didn't give up. We had been out alone for like 3 or 4 dates and it was great. I was thinking of saying yes to him so I thought about this for a week. 2 days ago, I finally thought about it and decided to give him a chance. He has been very happy since then and I dont feel the same way. I am not as ecstatic as him. Infact nothing has changed for me. He is a great guy and he would keep any girl happy but now I dont understand why I am in a relationship with him. I just don't feel it. He constantly tells me he loves me and my reaction is to delete that "I love you text" and moreover, he expects me to reply to his "I love you" and this idea makes me cringe so I just settle with "Love u too dude". I mean, yea I do love him as a friend but I dont know what I am doing. I just dont think he is the right guy for me. I dont feel the heat or anything. I thought with time maybe i would develop feelings for him but its not working and I am not happy. I know most of you would ask me to break it up while its still new but I know this guy has been constantly trying his best to get me for 3 to 4 months and he is my best guy friend. I will just end up breaking his heart. And also ruin the friendship. What do I do. I feel too guilty. Please help. MamaBlunt coming in. You may not realise it, but everything you have done, is really very selfish. he professed his love to you, time and time again. You should have struck while the iron was hot and poured cold water over his ardour in an completely final and unequivocal way. But if you're honest (and I would like you to be) part of you really liked the fact he liked you, and I think (even if it was subconscious) you took advantage of that. You kept a guy around who fed your ego. He gave you a manly, loving strong supportive shoulder to cry on while you got over your break-up. His attention made you feel good. But sister, you were mean in doing that. Because being there for you, and not rebuffing him as you should have done, merely gave him more hope. Then: Hotdamn, you go doing some damn-fool stupid, dumb thing like agree to go out with him. What the heck possessed you, when you knew then, as much as you know now, that the only reason you said yes, was because you felt sorry for all the time and affection he had invested in you? You're going out with him for the sake of sympathy. And that's going to smart like lemon juice in a paper cut, because hell yeah, you ARE going to have to end things, and hell yeah, you will rip his heart to shreds. The biggest favour you could do is to rip the plaster off really quickly, and end things. And then, fall off his radar completely and not see, speak or contact him again. Ever. Hard? I guess. But no harder than being blindly besotted with someone who then plays with your affections and lives a lie. The pain and hurt will be nothing compared to his, so finally, do the right thing. And if it hurts you, suck it up. He's the one who will have to put his heart together again, after the hope it has been given, is dashed, 7
Author bubblesbursted Posted July 27, 2014 Author Posted July 27, 2014 MamaBlunt coming in. You may not realise it, but everything you have done, is really very selfish. he professed his love to you, time and time again. You should have struck while the iron was hot and poured cold water over his ardour in an completely final and unequivocal way. But if you're honest (and I would like you to be) part of you really liked the fact he liked you, and I think (even if it was subconscious) you took advantage of that. You kept a guy around who fed your ego. He gave you a manly, loving strong supportive shoulder to cry on while you got over your break-up. His attention made you feel good. But sister, you were mean in doing that. Because being there for you, and not rebuffing him as you should have done, merely gave him more hope. Then: Hotdamn, you go doing some damn-fool stupid, dumb thing like agree to go out with him. What the heck possessed you, when you knew then, as much as you know now, that the only reason you said yes, was because you felt sorry for all the time and affection he had invested in you? You're going out with him for the sake of sympathy. And that's going to smart like lemon juice in a paper cut, because hell yeah, you ARE going to have to end things, and hell yeah, you will rip his heart to shreds. The biggest favour you could do is to rip the plaster off really quickly, and end things. And then, fall off his radar completely and not see, speak or contact him again. Ever. Hard? I guess. But no harder than being blindly besotted with someone who then plays with your affections and lives a lie. The pain and hurt will be nothing compared to his, so finally, do the right thing. And if it hurts you, suck it up. He's the one who will have to put his heart together again, after the hope it has been given, is dashed, I know it was stupid idea to say yes to him but I wanted to see if I could develop any feelings for him with time. He was reluctant to give up to start with. I had turned him down several times in the past 3 months and he didnt give up until I decided to give it a shot. We went out because HE wanted me to think about it atleast once and I did and I made a big mistake I agree. I really dont want to loose the friendship but I guess I will have to face the consequence. PS: I broke up with him an hour back.
Tbisb74 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 That must have been tough. How did it go, and how did he take it? I bet a bit of him saw it coming....
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