Lucinda Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 HI there, I am 33 and have been in a new relationship for the past year. I am having this problem of feeling that my partner is not attracted to me. He is very reluctant when it comes to sex. I always initiate it except a couple of times when I had mentioned to him that he doesn't. In other words "He felt compelled to". He never touches me sexually unless I make him feel compelled to. "It's exhausting!!" He won't even put his penis in me ......so I do it. And oral sex .....well hell don't even go there. I have asked him "Do I smell ok?" He says "Yes, you smell nice ....you're never unclean". So it's not that. I'm not over weight in fact I'm in very good shape. Not that looks matter but I am a nice looking woman. People tell me I am beautiful all the time. So it's not that. It's to the point where I am feeling very put down about having a vagina. I feel as though he is disgusted by it or something. It's really hard feeling like this because I do everything I can to make him happy sexually(and he is happy)and I can't understand why he doesn't want to do the same to me. Don't get me wrong .....when we make love it's great. I have the best orgasms ever in my life. It's very rare I don't have one ......"He is an awesome lover and every moment of it feels so good and right". He just thinks the vagina is for putting his penis in and not to be touched in any other way I guess. Last night I started kissing him and he said he was not in the mood. Which was fine by me .....I have no problem with that. I said "ok" then he turns the Newly Wed show on and sits there watching Jessica Simpson. Now I am already feeling like he is not attracted to me and that on top of it really upset me. I found myself thinking is this the problem "He's more interested in a bimbo?" or "Does he need to watch a bimbo to get him in the mood to be with me?" He says "I just wanted to watch the show for a laugh because the 2 of them are idiots" Although I have already told him I have no interest in the show. Today I told him that he has to realize he's not living alone anymore he's with me and living with me. Is this the problem "He's use to living on his own and watching whatever he wants(with bimbos in it) and taking care of himself when need be?" I am at a loss for answers ......any suggestions please help!! PS ....... In the beginning of our relationship we shared private moments with each other and he has done things with other partners which would involve touching, feeling and oral. This is another thing that makes me feel upset. To know that he has done things in past relationships but won't with me. Makes me think there is something wrong with me.
glitter-gal Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 My instinct is to wonder what he is not sharing with you about how he feels about your relationship... Ya'll moved in together and he stopped initiating all the hot kinky sex... hmmmm Does he think that because you live together now that sex is not on a "take it when I can get it" basis?? Is he taking you for granted? Or are you taking such good care of him that he is starting to feel like you are his mother, not his significant other?? Does he help do chores and stuff around the house & yard?? I really dunno... I moved in with my man and my sex drive slightly decreased but we still make time to admire, touch & caress eachother. We always try to go out of our way to compliment the other so that spark we felt in the beginning, when you first find out that they are attracted to you, is still there... Maybe some communication & quality time without distractions caused by everyday life??? Make dinner, unplug the phone, turn off the TV & radio, and take time to reconnect on a deeper more intimate level that is not sex oriented???
monkey00 Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 doesnt appear to be anything wrong. Men too are humans such as women. sex isnt on our minds 24/7. We do prefer having alone times sometimes. sometimes we may not be in the mood, have low sex drive, or just tired out from work/gym....dont take it too harshly. but is the problem that you're not sexually satisfied by him, or do you have a fear that he's not really into you?
Podna Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 I really don’t understand what is going on with him. One the one hand I thought maybe he just liked you to be the aggressor and come after him. Something about you initiating sex makes it somehow more exciting (I know I am that way sometimes). The fact that when you did initiate the sex it was good seems to support that idea. However, his reluctance to give you oral sex or to touch your vagina in any way (excluding with his penis) baffles me. My advice to you would be to sit down and have a talk with him about your sexual relationship. Tell him that you are unsatisfied. If he is a typical male at all, he will take this as a cry to arms. I know if I heard those words I would feel that it is my duty as a member of the male sex to satisfy you, chocolate, vibrators, oils, oral sex, foods, toys, costumes, positions, animals, whatever it takes! And if none of this works, I will give you my number.
NotFeelingLove Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 I can relate to that - my boyfriend of 3 years does not touch my vagina or give me oral and it is making me very hurt and depressed. All I do is give give give and i don't kow what to do, I am scared to bring it up.
Sckott Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 I can't believe men would be doing this...and it's baffling me as well. Why can't a guy who loves you go down there and give you some nice kinky sex? There could be some things going on there, but a therapist might have to be the best judge of charactor. Was it maybe a harsh sexual past? Something's wrong; either he's had 2-3 bad crotch experiences (and can be coaxed) or...he's daft. If you can't go down there and kiss, fool, play, ect - no WONDER a woman would feel that way. If I were a woman, that would be a deal breaker. That's just (in a way) disrespect to her body, and missing a HUGE fun point in sex. There's nothing like going down and kissing the kitty. It's not even second to Disneyland for me.
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