Bailey621 Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 I see many couples who go away separately to see family or even go away for an all guys or all girls trip somewhere. I am all for it but my SO is not. He does not believe that couples should ever do that unless it was a business trip. All I want is to go spend time with my sons or dad and the cheapest way to do it is if I go alone. Either would require an airline ticket. It makes me wonder if he really does trust me as much as he says he does...I am trustworthy and have never done anything to betray that trust. If he had family far away I would encourage him to go see them without me and I've told him that. Are you "allowed" to go away by yourself?
CarrieT Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 Are you "allowed" to go away by yourself? Absolutely. I have only been married for seven months and I'm already planning a long weekend away by myself next month. In my case, both my husband and I agree that it is beneficial to the marriage to occasionally have "alone" time for various reasons - not to play (as we are not party people), but for retreats or introspection.
inglorious Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 Nothing wrong with it in principle. Key thing is that it works in your R. I go away on a jazz workshop every year with guys only. It's a week away from home on a residential where we get immersed in music, take songs apart, study them, perform them nightly, party.. and finish off doing a public concert. My SO would not come to this as she's not into this, but she's happy that I am. She goes away every year with her family and close friends abroad to a resort that she has always gone to since before I met her. Even tho she'd probably let me if I insisted, I'd never dream of crashing that party. thats 'her thing' and I'm really happy that she has that. Gives her a chance to miss me, just like I miss her when I'm away doing my thing. We also go on holiday together as a 'couple' every year. I'm not saying that everyone 'should' do this, but there is nothing inherently wrong with it and if you can do this, I think it's healthy for your R. Love. M
aj22one Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 Haha my wife went to Pakistan for two weeks without me to go visit family. Haha, it's fine.
rester Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 Absolutely okay. I wouldn't have it any other way. I travel frequently to visit friends and family and enjoy weekends away often. Since vacation time is precious in the US, we typically do one one-week vacation apart each year, and one together. I also prefer separate trips for celebrating Christmas with family, but that has not gone over as well.
almond Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 No partner should ever stop you from spending time with your family. Book a date, tell him you are going to visit your family, and if he gets enough money together to pay his own way, tell him he can join you (if that is okay with you and your family). Or, explain to him that family time is incredibly important, and that this is not negotiable for you. He is being completely unreasonable. I can understand why some people may be uncomfortable with an all girls/all boys party trip (even if I don't agree, I can see the "logic"), but to see family? Totally unacceptable.
veggirl Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 My bf and I moved across the country together, I've gone back home by myself multiple times to visit family. It's never been an issue. We went together only once and only because he had to for business so I tagged along. It was actually kind of annoying going together because when we were there he wanted to hang out 24/7 and I wanted to hang out w/ my family. I prefered it w/o him lol. I also recently traveled to Florida w/o him to meet up with some of my family who was flying there for my nieces gymnastics competition. He has gone to visit friends out of state without me. We've also gone to visit friends out of state and on vacation together. I would be livid if he wasn't okay with me going to see my family w/o him. I see him 24/7, I see them rarely. I want to spend alone time with them and if he got butt-hurt about that, then too bad for him I guess. Now if he or I wanted to go on a week-long Cabo bender w/o the other one, I'd take pause, but just a regular family / friend visit, I see no issue. 1
Elle1975 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 Well, vacation with a family and vacation alone to the Bermuda would be two different things. I also think that if I was married, I'd like to spend time with my extended new family. Marriage for me is about the man as well as about his family. Now my ex went away for the week end with his best friend. They went golfing. I didn't have an issue with that.
No Limit Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 Marriage doesn't mean you're tied together forever. The rings aren't meant to be chains. It also adds to the trust department; if you have a partner who you know won't abuse his time off to cheat, that is.
Million.to.1 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 Yes, absolutely! My BF is currently on holiday back in Canada to visit family/ friends... I went last year wiuth him, but he is doing a solo trip this time. It's been really nice for both of us, me having some time to myself around the house and him catching up with people. I'm going to Vanuatu in August for a week with my group of friends for a birthday/ holiday. My BF was invited, but didn't want to go (couldn't afford it after his big trip) and I wasn't going to either, until my friend said that she'll pay for the accom because she is in a twin by herself anyway, and it's my birthday around then, so I'm going now. Holidays apart are totally fine. Your husband needs to ask himself why he thinks that are not.
Priv Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 Sure, did and do seperate holidays. She with a gf(s)/ fam/whatever, me touring on the motorcycle at least once a year. But... I do think of holidaying together as kind of a trophy/cement of the relationship. Exploring stuff and experiencing new things together. The 'we see each other 24/7 already does not really apply'. Which does mean that if she has more time off than me, she reserves 'our' holiday time. Sounds harsch but it really isn't. If she wants to visit family thats fine by me. I just go with her if I can. Very easy that way.
JBlackstone Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 Depends on the situation. To visit family or a long weekend with the guys/gals is fine. My ex used to take off for 2-3 months during the winter to surf. This drove me crazy but he didn't care. He was also extremely selfish so it's probably not a typical case. Even a 1-2 week solo surf trip wouldn't bother me. It was the lengthy trips that I felt unnecessary. I would prefer to take my holiday with my significant other so I'd want him to feel the same.
d0nnivain Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 Other than costs is there a reason you don't want him with you when you visit your family? While separate vacations are "allowed" why do you want one? Until you give him your explanation, he's going to be insecure about this because it feels like rejection.
Owl Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 I'll be the voice of dissent. Seperate vacations...occasionally...are acceptable, but not ideal. Seperate vacations regularly...quite often are doom to a marriage. We've seen more threads than I can remember where someone who goes regularly on vacation without their spouse begins to act like they're single when they do this. I enjoy backpacking and hiking. My wife isn't able to participate with that. So, I do occasional weekends without her. BUT...I nearly always have one or more of my adult sons along, and pretty much never camp with with members of the opposite sex, unless they're married to someone who's out there. I don't agree with married couples spending weeks at a time on seperate vacations...that just sets the stage for disaster for a whole lot of marriages. 1
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