Pretty sure the guy i'm seeing is depressed,i like him regardless but can it work out

July 26, 2014

This guy I've been seeing for a couple weeks i'm pretty sure is depressed from things he has told me. Despite this, I really enjoy his company, we have fun together and i've also realised starting from him that I don't need sex to feel ''complete'' when dating someone? IDK I feel kind of understanding and accepting of his physical impact from depression, which is something I've never would really consider before.

However sometimes he says things that make it seem to me that he doesn't like me, but his actions are rather different, or he is at least trying to like me but I would say that he does enjoy my company too because if he didn't he wouldn't talk to me?

I knew a girl who tried to have a relationship with a guy who was depressed and it ended horribly .

Am I doomed?

July 27, 2014

This guy I've been seeing for a couple weeks i'm pretty sure is depressed from things he has told me. Despite this, I really enjoy his company, we have fun together and i've also realised starting from him that I don't need sex to feel ''complete'' when dating someone? IDK I feel kind of understanding and accepting of his physical impact from depression, which is something I've never would really consider before.

However sometimes he says things that make it seem to me that he doesn't like me, but his actions are rather different, or he is at least trying to like me but I would say that he does enjoy my company too because if he didn't he wouldn't talk to me?

I knew a girl who tried to have a relationship with a guy who was depressed and it ended horribly .

Am I doomed?

Is he admitting he has a problem? that would be a good sign then that he realizes he has a problem and will (hopefully) do something about it. I guess with being depressed you are also less likely to care about yourself in a way and so not doing anything to change your circumstances, because you dont have the mental fortitude at the time. I am wary of just saying it easy for him to go to a doctor and get a script for an AD. It could easily solve his problems. I have heard of many success stories, but also plenty of stories of others going from one brand to another then trying 2 or 3 at same time, and a few stories of people complaining they ruined their life. It would be good if there was a source of the 'reactive' depression, that can be tackled....and he is prepared to do something about it. Excellent diet + supplements + exercise and friend/family support will help a lot.

Since you bring up sex, I guess he has not made a move on you, still you have fun together, but it does not mean he still wont be horny necessarily. I'd say see how it goes with him for a while longer, and hold off from making any sort of commitment while you gauge how much of an impact it would make on your life. You have 1 bad example but that does not mean they will all be like that. Being with you might be a great thing for his depression, though ideally you don't want to be with someone who relies on their bf/gf for their happiness/self worth. Really though, its much better being in a relationship with someone who is happy & active.

July 27, 2014

Is he admitting he has a problem? that would be a good sign then that he realizes he has a problem and will (hopefully) do something about it. I guess with being depressed you are also less likely to care about yourself in a way and so not doing anything to change your circumstances, because you dont have the mental fortitude at the time. I am wary of just saying it easy for him to go to a doctor and get a script for an AD. It could easily solve his problems. I have heard of many success stories, but also plenty of stories of others going from one brand to another then trying 2 or 3 at same time, and a few stories of people complaining they ruined their life. It would be good if there was a source of the 'reactive' depression, that can be tackled....and he is prepared to do something about it. Excellent diet + supplements + exercise and friend/family support will help a lot.

Since you bring up sex, I guess he has not made a move on you, still you have fun together, but it does not mean he still wont be horny necessarily. I'd say see how it goes with him for a while longer, and hold off from making any sort of commitment while you gauge how much of an impact it would make on your life. You have 1 bad example but that does not mean they will all be like that. Being with you might be a great thing for his depression, though ideally you don't want to be with someone who relies on their bf/gf for their happiness/self worth. Really though, its much better being in a relationship with someone who is happy & active.

He has tried, but he cannot get an erection which is pretty common with guys who have depression. I mean actions speak louder than words. He's talked to me about girls he stopped talking to because they were really needy and asking him for a lot, i'm pretty passive which I think helps a lot.

I also saw for a brief second what looked like a conversation he was having with someone on his phone who he was avoiding but I won't make any assumptions because I don't know.

I also dont want to pressure him into a relationship or into anything.

July 27, 2014

The red flag here that we know is a problem is if he's verbalizing things to you that don't seem very nice. That's not necessarily his depression talking.

Whether depression alone should make you run is impossible to predict because there are temporary depressions just due to situations that will pass and there are chronic long-term lifelong depressions that would be very hard to live with. If he's dating, he probably doesn't have the very worst type of depression because he's just be in bed and not getting up and taking a shower every day. You have to realize there's other conditions besides basic depression that can cause issues, like bipolar or social anxiety that can be a dealbreaker for some but not for others. A friend of mine is with a guy she just thought was inexperienced (also true) but turns out he is OCD and too anxious to have friends. She found out he never even had friends in high school, you know. That person isn't going to be a joy to live with.

Best advice is do not begin putting up with any negative remarks that try to make you sound stupid or try to embarrass or are telling you what to do. Period. Don't give him a pass because you think he's depressed. It will never end if you enable it.

Talk to him about how long he's been depressed and what caused it. Realize this may be a month-long answer from him. it could involve substance abuse. Or he may say he's always been that way, which means he always will be unless he gets treatment. And find out if he's seen a psychologist or psychiatrist and been evaluated or not. If so, find out if he is on meds. If he was prescribed meds, ask if he takes them as directed. Because 80 % of people on psychiatric drugs don't take them as prescribed or think they're cured and stop taking them and they never get better either way and you don't want to deal with that, trust me. A person has to be eager to help themselves or you cannot help them.

July 27, 2014

The red flag here that we know is a problem is if he's verbalizing things to you that don't seem very nice. That's not necessarily his depression talking.

Whether depression alone should make you run is impossible to predict because there are temporary depressions just due to situations that will pass and there are chronic long-term lifelong depressions that would be very hard to live with. If he's dating, he probably doesn't have the very worst type of depression because he's just be in bed and not getting up and taking a shower every day. You have to realize there's other conditions besides basic depression that can cause issues, like bipolar or social anxiety that can be a dealbreaker for some but not for others. A friend of mine is with a guy she just thought was inexperienced (also true) but turns out he is OCD and too anxious to have friends. She found out he never even had friends in high school, you know. That person isn't going to be a joy to live with.

Best advice is do not begin putting up with any negative remarks that try to make you sound stupid or try to embarrass or are telling you what to do. Period. Don't give him a pass because you think he's depressed. It will never end if you enable it.

Talk to him about how long he's been depressed and what caused it. Realize this may be a month-long answer from him. it could involve substance abuse. Or he may say he's always been that way, which means he always will be unless he gets treatment. And find out if he's seen a psychologist or psychiatrist and been evaluated or not. If so, find out if he is on meds. If he was prescribed meds, ask if he takes them as directed. Because 80 % of people on psychiatric drugs don't take them as prescribed or think they're cured and stop taking them and they never get better either way and you don't want to deal with that, trust me. A person has to be eager to help themselves or you cannot help them.

He has never said anything that makes me feel bad, he'll say things and how he words it, it sounds like he is not interested in me.

"like:

"most of the time if I like someone they don't like me back

He basically hinted towards me he doesn't find most girls cute (I'm assuming this means me...but then he also told me nothing excites him anymore so I'm thinking this is depression talking)

-----

he is kind of emotionally distant or detached

he'll copy my behaviour (to me this is a sign of interest)

It may have started last year when his ex-girlfriend broke up with him

July 27, 2014

This guy I've been seeing for a couple weeks i'm pretty sure is depressed from things he has told me. Despite this, I really enjoy his company, we have fun together and i've also realised starting from him that I don't need sex to feel ''complete'' when dating someone? IDK I feel kind of understanding and accepting of his physical impact from depression, which is something I've never would really consider before.

However sometimes he says things that make it seem to me that he doesn't like me, but his actions are rather different, or he is at least trying to like me but I would say that he does enjoy my company too because if he didn't he wouldn't talk to me?

I knew a girl who tried to have a relationship with a guy who was depressed and it ended horribly .

Am I doomed?

It's very possible to have a relationship with a guy who is depressed. Though what matters is how strong the depression is and how it manifests himself.

Personally, I have pretty strong depression to the point where I think about suicide on a nearly daily basis.

Though for whatever reason it didn't have any effect on my relationship. I don't believe my ex even knew that I was depressed.

Why do you believe he has depression?

He has tried, but he cannot get an erection which is pretty common with guys who have depression. I mean actions speak louder than words. He's talked to me about girls he stopped talking to because they were really needy and asking him for a lot, i'm pretty passive which I think helps a lot.

I also saw for a brief second what looked like a conversation he was having with someone on his phone who he was avoiding but I won't make any assumptions because I don't know.

I also dont want to pressure him into a relationship or into anything.

Not being able to get an erection is not a common symptom of depression. It's something that can happen to almost all guys, happy or sad. There are plenty of guys like myself who are depressed, and have no problem getting erections. How many times has this happened?

One thing though, if he is depressed, and on medication for it, then sexual side effects are not completely uncommon.

Edited July 27, 2014 by somedude81

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Pretty sure the guy i'm seeing is depressed,i like him regardless but can it work out

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