Lovezen_30 Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 About 10 years ago I met a guy online (through a friend's cousin, so it wasn't completely random) and was 13 years old - I will be 23 soon. We hit it off and began talking all the time - this progressed to phone calls & webcam and continued for about 5 years. We never met as he lived over 6 hours away. But then nearly 5 years on from when we first "met" he told me he was moving to study about an hour away from where I lived and asked to meet me. For some reason I felt paralysed when he asked this question. The thing is that he was my perfect confidante; and I was worried that meeting would wreck things. I also worried he had romantic feelings and I had a boyfriend. He respected my decision not to meet and we continued on as we had been. But eventually relationships and studying got in the way & we lost touch for almost 2 years. I lost his contact details but about 6 months ago he looked me up again. He is with a new girlfriend and we are planning to meet and catch up soon. In all the time I have known him I never had romantic feelings. Sure, he was attractive. He was intelligent, romantic, witty...but it never crossed my mind. He was always there through every crisis. But lately when I thought we may have lost touch for good I panicked and suddenly couldn't stop thinking about him! Now I have (slightly dramatic) visions of becoming Julia Roberts in My Best Friends Wedding down the line because I didn't wake up soon enough! What can I do - stay quiet? Hope the feelings diminish in time?
todreaminblue Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 he has a gf i wouldnt suggest meeting him you have feelings for him...think of the gf and if you were her..........yes stay quiet he isnt available......im sorry but i really do feel you need to let him go....staying silent when you have feelings for someone.....isnt fun....and its hurtful.....but when it isnt appropriate to have feelings you need to remain silent..and the best way is to not see him and feelings fade.....i know this works.........good luck...deb
salparadise Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 So you still have not met in person, correct? If that's the case then what you have is an infatuation. You can't possibly know how it will feel when you actually meet. And since he has a girlfriend you should definitely cease fantasizing and bring expectations back to a low earth orbit.
Author Lovezen_30 Posted July 26, 2014 Author Posted July 26, 2014 So you still have not met in person, correct? If that's the case then what you have is an infatuation. You can't possibly know how it will feel when you actually meet. And since he has a girlfriend you should definitely cease fantasizing and bring expectations back to a low earth orbit. Correct. And well...I do love him. He has always his expressed his love for me, tends to wear his heart on his sleeve and I have reciprocated. It has been friendship love, but it's strong nonetheless. I have fantastic friends and a good family, but he has helped me in ways no one else has over the years - and vice versa according to him. It's easy to say I should stop doing that and try to bring things back to a low earth orbit but it's not quite as simple. I'm not even sure why I've been hit over the head with it all of a sudden. Why am I feeling this way, now, after 10 years? I think it might take some soul searching. I agree with not knowing how it will feel until we meet. Maybe that romantic chemistry won't be there and I can laugh it off and say "what the hell was I thinking...". I wouldn't just blurt out how I was feeling anyway as it would be disrespectful to his relationship. I just would like some advice on how I can start to get/feel better because it's upsetting to say the least.
salparadise Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 CoI just would like some advice on how I can start to get/feel better because it's upsetting to say the least. Well, as I said... realize that what you are feeling is an image and expectation that you have conjured up. His focus is on someone else, so your only choices are to cool it or interfere (not the way to start a relationship). Just let go of expectations, be respectful of him and your friendship, and accept that the timing is not right. If he becomes single at some point you might get a shot, but the only possibilities right now are very messy and would not give you a proper start at a lasting relationship.
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