mortensorchid Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 A few weeks back I was at this bar near the house and met this man A. He seemed nice enough, we went out on two casual dates and he kissed me at the end of both of them. Last night I was on the Facebook IM and a guy I had a few dates with about a year ago contacted me. He asked to see me again. Problem? I'm not attracted to either of them. The first man is a good guy, but I don't think we are a good match. He seems to be a working class type guy who doesn't have a lot of friends, I'm a social butterfly always on the go and into artsy stuff. The second one is a good guy as well, but we aren't a good match because he's much more introverted than I am. We share some nerdy interests but I'm definitely the one in command rather than him. I realize what will happen soon is that I have to reach a point where I will have to reject both of them. This is not one of those "you are rejecting the nice guy" kind of lectures you would give, I honestly don't know enough about either of them to determine if they are or are not "nice guys". I'm not attracted to either of them not because they are less attractive than someone else, but because they are not right for me. I am a chatty person trying to talk to a brick wall at times. Other times I am the one who is in command and they end up resenting me for it ultimately. I realize at some point I will have to say to both of them that I am not interested, that's not the issue. I think I am depressed at this moment thinking that they, like so many others, are not right for me.
central Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 You're talking about compatibility, I think. Values, attitudes, personality, beliefts, interests and activities (not to forget sexual compatibility). Extroverts and introverts can get along, but dont really mesh well - you're right about that. It sounds like you want someone more assertive and self-assured, communicative and at least a little extroverted. There are lots of such men, I think. It's a numbers game in terms of finding one who meshes well with you overall. I found that I had to meet/date a lot of women (50 or so over 18 months) to find a few worth pursuing relationships - and one who was so well matched it became permanent. Perhaps you need to just meet more men, however that works for you. Good luck! 1
somedude81 Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 What is conversation like with these guys? I'm pretty introverted, meaning I don't like to talk to everybody and work the room, but I'm more than comfortable having conversations with the people closest to me.
LittleTiger Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 What is conversation like with these guys? What does it matter? She's not feeling it so the relationships aren't going anywhere. Don't be too downhearted mortensorchid. Finding somebody who is a good match is a tricky process, but most of us have a reasonable amount of success and some of us get very lucky indeed! It took me 44 years and a failed marriage under my belt to find my Mr Right - and he was definitely worth waiting for! If you're looking for a long term relationship rather than someone to 'keep you company' and you're just not into these guys. I'd tell them sooner rather than later. There's no point in wasting your time or theirs. 1
Assasda Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 You said you dont know them well enough, but you think you dont like them. My question to you is, what are you doing on dates? Are you and the guys all just silent. Seems like you'd have some idea what kinda of people they are, to not like them for what they are
Diezel Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 I realize at some point I will have to say to both of them that I am not interested, that's not the issue. I think I am depressed at this moment thinking that they, like so many others, are not right for me. At some point? How about right now? What are you waiting for? You don't like them. Just be done with it.
Mrlonelyone Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 I concur with those who say since you know you don't like them just say you don't like them and move on. Have you considered that maybe your not meant to find anyone permanent? Statistically speaking a good many people don't.
GravityMan Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 OP, you may as well just end things with both of them now. No need to wait. You know you aren't compatible with them, so may as well go your separate ways now so that both you and them can put this behind them and move on.
rocketman122 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 werent you dating someone (shaved pubes)? how many men have you met/dated?
Betta Franka Posted August 1, 2014 Posted August 1, 2014 Everything sounded right until you said: I think I am depressed at this moment thinking that they, like so many others, are not right for me. How often do you see yourself in this situation? When you run into dates that don't work again and again then it's time to analyze yourself. I can't tell you more because you offer to little details.
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