SmartDude Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 So I met this woman. We have had sex a few times and now are semi-dating. It is all pretty backwards. She has a boyfriend of several years, and told me this the first time we were together. I am confused because this type of situation is something I easily avoid. There are just much better options. I am not sure why I am doing this now. On the date she told me that she canceled another date that night to see me:eek: I am at a loss to understand what is the benefit of a woman engaging in this style of relating to men? It does not seem like it would even be an enjoyable activity. I tried to put myself in her shoes to try and understand what it would be like. I imagined myself doing the same thing and it just seems like it would be so much stress. Why not spread the dates out a little at the very least...? I don't understand not wanting to be alone. I am the opposite, I need to be alone for long periods of time without a partner. Not judging, just trying to understand the other side? Well, the end of the night came and I gave her a kiss. I didn't want to...It was like a chore. I feel bad for her, I should have not even kissed her feeling like that. I am sure it was awful for her too. This morning I just feel wrong... Almost overly defensive. I know the mild hangover is part of it, but I was affected emotionally as well. I am wondering now if I am going through a change. Whereas I was happy to just go out and have fun with whoever and being single. I think it might be that time again, were I may be searching for something more focused and exclusive. You know...an actual relationship. On the other hand I look at my actions and think WTF am I doing? On that date(if you can even call it that) I felt like I lost a piece of my integrity. So who has some insight on this situation? What should I do now? Sorry if I am being dumb and not seeing the forest for the trees. You all can rip me to shreds if you like... k thanks.
Keenly Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 You are correct to feel wrong about it. This is a situation that has absolutely no forward progress to be made. She has a boyfriend, is dating multiple other people, and if you some have e manage to progress to boyfriend stage, she has no respect for that. Exclusivity means nothing to her. 1
somedude81 Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 Do you really want to be dating a whore? Of course, actually having sex with a girl who has a boyfriend is pretty dirty. 1
SpiralOut Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 I am at a loss to understand what is the benefit of a woman engaging in this style of relating to men? It does not seem like it would even be an enjoyable activity. I tried to put myself in her shoes to try and understand what it would be like. I imagined myself doing the same thing and it just seems like it would be so much stress. Why not spread the dates out a little at the very least...? She does it because it's an ego-boost. She probably gets a thrill from sneaking around and getting away with things.
Author SmartDude Posted July 26, 2014 Author Posted July 26, 2014 She does it because it's an ego-boost. She probably gets a thrill from sneaking around and getting away with things. That is what I am trying to figure out. Is this an ego boost for the sake of the thrill? Or is this an act of desperation due to dissatisfaction in her current relationship...clawing at the thin ice of her life, before she goes under.
Assasda Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 Attraction is not a choice. She is attracted to you more than she is attracted to her BF, that's the long and short of it. Her BF is probably doing weak insecure stuff that she is not attracted to. Also some girls hold on the the crutch of a BF because they feel like they need one, when in truth that guy is just an acquaintance that they might sleep with once in a while. Either way, it sounds like you don't respect her for it, and you re ready to kick her to the curb
d0nnivain Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 Do you know if she has an open relationship? It does take two to tango. So far you have been & continue to be a willing participant. 1
Allumere Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 Your moral compass or whatever you want to call it has kicked in. The cloud of attraction, hormones etc. has worn off and you are seeing this for exactly what it is. This is simple. Stop. Then take a lil while to figure out why (which it sounds like you have already started), forgive yourself, if you have a relationship with God then ask for his forgiveness, and move along. I don't know what this woman's story is but her actions seem to be a reflection of someone that has a lot of issues whether it be the lowest self-esteem on earth or a cold,non-caring heart molded from some negative experiences.
Author SmartDude Posted July 26, 2014 Author Posted July 26, 2014 Do you know if she has an open relationship? It does take two to tango. So far you have been & continue to be a willing participant. Hmm, yea that is a possibility. Open relationship. ...And in the past that would have been perfect for me. A relationship that does not take a lot of my time. I can just show up once in awhile.
mr_dave Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 Tip the guy off as to what his girlfriend is up to. If it's an open relationship he might get off on it, and if not, you'll save an innocent guy from wasting his time on her.
mortensorchid Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 She is dating multiple people, you are one of those multiples. Her mistake was telling you that she was doing this. Otherwise she could have kept going without your knowing. As long as you know where you stand it's not a problem, for either party. But ... This might bother you.
Author SmartDude Posted July 26, 2014 Author Posted July 26, 2014 She is dating multiple people, you are one of those multiples. Her mistake was telling you that she was doing this. Otherwise she could have kept going without your knowing. As long as you know where you stand it's not a problem, for either party. But ... This might bother you. I am bothered slightly by it now, yes. Sometimes I am not. Just one of those things...
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