Dazzzy Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 I'm 32 and I work so much that I do not date much. Very rarely in fact. I find that whenever I go on a date and end up liking someone (which for me usually means, not thinking they are a complete idiot), for the next few days as we continue talking I have this HORRIBLE feeling. Like a knot in my stomach / chest, tension, major anxiety. I generally handle very high pressure situations very well - My work is a very fast-paced environment and involves a lot of high-stake risks. Those a no problem, but this dating thing is absolutely ridiculous. I HATE HATE HATE the feeling I get and to be candid it's really making me think that I should rule out dates 100% because I need to be thinking clearly for work. I don't have the time nor the desire for this emotional stuff. My perception is that the feeling is probably the "butterflies" and "excitement" that people get when they have found a prospective partner, but it just so happens that because I am so unaccustomed to those feelings that I really do not like them. I absolutely hate them as a matter of fact. Anyway, guess I'm looking for input from someone that has experienced this. Personally I don't care much for being in a "relationship" anyway, so maybe it's my emotions telling me I'm walking down a path that I know I will not like. Thoughts? Comments? Flames? Bring it on!
Eivuwan Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 How do you know that you don't care much for being in a relationship? Is that really true or is it just your anxiety speaking? Do you have a fear of rejection? I think it would be helpful for you to introspect and think about why you have these feelings. You can also try relaxation techniques like deep breathing to help you get past the anxiety. Doing something new makes most people anxious. You just have to keep doing it and exposing yourself to the situation for the feelings to get better.
Author Dazzzy Posted July 26, 2014 Author Posted July 26, 2014 How do you know that you don't care much for being in a relationship? Is that really true or is it just your anxiety speaking? Do you have a fear of rejection? I think it would be helpful for you to introspect and think about why you have these feelings. You can also try relaxation techniques like deep breathing to help you get past the anxiety. Doing something new makes most people anxious. You just have to keep doing it and exposing yourself to the situation for the feelings to get better. Thank you Eivuwan, I know that I don't like being in relationships because anytime that I have been in a relationship of any significant length, I find that I become highly inconvenienced by it. I am, unfortunately (or fortunately for me), a relatively uncompromising person. I like to do things spontaneously and when I want to do them. To be honest, I'm pretty selfish, but I really enjoy my life this way. I do enjoy being alone the vast majority of my time, which I either spend working or reading and thinking. Having someone around me usually disturbs me, which frustrates me quite a lot. When I do start to feel alone I will do something simple like go to the mall, or go for something to eat, or a bar or something. After simple things like that I find that I feel like I've satisfied my need to be around people. Stuff like that becomes more difficult as I get older, and nobody wants to be completely alone forever, which is why I try dating every now and then. But then I'm reminded why I dislike it so much when I get these feelings. Maybe I'm just... meant to be alone. Which, I do not consider a bad thing, but in this society when I explain my position to others, I feel like they think I am weird because of it.
Assasda Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 If you feel that nervous, you should probably read some techniques on stuff like public speaking. It usually helps. I myself like to be alone, and I like to do thinks spontaneously whenever I want to. Then I met a woman that didnt mind going out spontaneously, then I realized that I didnt mind being alone with her in the room. You tell yourself the nervous "story" to justify yourself not seeing someone. and you'll keep telling that story to others for along as you believe it. This is the part that sounds a bit strange - If you quit believe that story, that you will realize that its not true
Eivuwan Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 Well, if you enjoy being alone, then instead of dating, why not have some social groups to go to. Some groups that match your interests? I'm afraid that your style of being just doesn't work well for long-term relationships. But it is possible to find someone who only want to have company once in a while. You have to make that clear from the beginning though. Making your intentions clear might help you feel less pressured.
Author Dazzzy Posted July 26, 2014 Author Posted July 26, 2014 Thank you all for the replies. I went for a nice drive today and thought about this (driving always helps me think). Anyway, I've decided that the correct thing to do is.... nothing! I don't believe the way I am to be a "problem", it's just who I am. And if I never meet anyone that fits in with who I am, then so be it. And if some scenario of being with someone does arise that fits well with me, then so be it. In the meantime, these guts feels I have... anxiety / tension / knot in my chest are signs that whatever I'm do not like the situation, so all I can do is tell the lady (if she asks, or if I feel like I have to tell her) that I'm not interested in pursuing a romantic interest with her. Very simple problem really, with a very simple solution.... Do what feels right. Thank you all for taking the time to respond.
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