kaylan Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 So I was thinking about something. Say youre dating a woman for a while and she drops the L word. And while you certainly really care about and enjoy her company, youre not ready to drop the L word yourself. Youre on your way to love, but you want to be sure of your feelings. Or youre already there, but since you may have had rough romances in the past, you guard yourself a bit more. What do you think is a proper response in the moment? In my mind I sorta feel like a deep kiss is a good response instead of trying to say anything that isnt "I love you" back. For example, that episode of Friends where Emily tells Ross "Thank you", in response to his "I love you" lmao. And how long do you think it is before the woman starts doubting things, if she hasnt automatically already? This is hypothetical, since I stumbled onto a similar thread while browsing the web. Im not currently close to any such situation myself. Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 This happened to a friend of mine. He was dating this woman for a few months and she told him she loved him. He basically said "I appreciate how you feel and I would like to keep seeing you but I'm not ready for that step". Could be a bad or a good response depending on the person. They are now married (however, he has always had his doubts about the relationship but we'll leave that tidbit out, yes? ). My ex said he loved me after two weeks and I said "I know". Now, to be fair to me, it was a sensual moment and it just kind of worked. Then we didn't say it again for about 3 or 4 months by my request. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Basically you just say what you said here. I think you worded it well here. I mean there's no wonderful way to explain you're not in love yet, lol, it's awkward regardless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wisecrack Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 I wouldn't say a word. I'd just look her in the eyes, smile then pull her in and kiss her. Don't need to say anything and you've let her know how you feel. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaylan Posted July 26, 2014 Author Share Posted July 26, 2014 I wouldn't say a word. I'd just look her in the eyes, smile then pull her in and kiss her. Don't need to say anything and you've let her know how you feel. I was figuring this was the best course of action to take. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 I wouldn't say a word. I'd just look her in the eyes, smile then pull her in and kiss her. Don't need to say anything and you've let her know how you feel. personally I'd prefer the explanation. Just a big ole kiss is kinda confusing, I'd be wondering okay now what? if a guy did that to me. so does he love me too or was that just to distract me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 IMO, the hypothetical needs more texture and context to determine a response, from myself anyway. What's 'awhile'? What's the context of 'drops the L word'? Are we having sex yet? Are we being identified socially as a committed couple? Etc, etc. I can only remember one instance where I had to respond to this kind of circumstance, in any context, and my answer was , honestly, 'I don't know you well enough to say that with honest feeling'. In all other circumstances where the lady 'drops the L word' first, which were quite rare, it was no issue for me to share my love for her right back, honestly. IME, things either work or they don't. The only touchy area I've found is with MW's getting in a bit over their heads and having to help dial them back a bit without getting a blow up. Hence my questions about context. Link to post Share on other sites
asellus Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 I recalled "Friend" immediately - episode, when Rachell answered to Rose THANK YOU in the same situation)))) To be serouos I agreee with what veggirl said - you can explain your feelings and it'll be okay. I prefer to use ILU just in special cases, Once my cousin Rob chatted with girl from one Europe counrty - on facebook or originclub.com something like that - and after 6 or more months after she suddenly told him ILU! It was totally out of blue! He just didn't tell anything cos he was absolutely dazzled. They continued to chat, but no for the long time) Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 "I appreciate how you feel and I would like to keep seeing you but I'm not ready for that step". I'd like an explanation too, and this one would be good. If a woman dumps a guy because he did not say "I love you" when she did, because he wasn't feeling it, then that would be a very immature woman IMO. Not ever party moves at the same pace in a relationship. Its ok to be a little slower than your SO in getting to the love stage. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 I think if I didn't feel that way yet but indeed I was on my way to, I'd say it just like that.. That kiss and smile thing could mean many things. I don't see anything wrong with being honest, good or bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Smilecharmer Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Any of these responses are better than mine. The first time my husband, then just bf, said ILU, I was dozing with him in a hammock and apparently I said, kill the spiders and then drooled on him. Very romantic. I don't even remember it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 I think the scenario you're describing happens more often than not. Think about it. One person is usually planning on saying it--what are the chances that the other person is ready to say it at the exact moment that the first person said it?? Although sometimes BOTH are ready to say it but one person has more guts to actually do it. OR the other person isn't ready to say it but DOES because he/she feels they must reciprocate! I like the kiss thing. But not all girls are as rational and clear thinking. I accept that if I said it, he may not be there just yet and the kiss is just like the "right" way to say thank you, I really really really like you--but I'm not saying that yet. Which would be ok with me. Can't go on like that forever, but that's not your question, is it? The coolest way my ex bf told me (first before I said to him) was whisper it to me when we were at a dinner with a bunch of friends. I'm sure that he genuinely felt it but spontaneously said it. The reason it was great is because it didn't require an answer--it was impossible in midst of big, chaotic dinner and so was a heavy talk about where we stood with one another. He was just doing because he was in the moment and didn't want to pressure me back. Definitely one of the things that made me fall in love with him. And yes I said it back at some point not far from that first time he told me. My feelings on this are based on my belief that saying I love you is just a statement. Some people use it to start the discussion: where do we stand, how do you feel about me? To me, that's a separate agenda. If "i love you" is in it's purest form, it's a gift-nothing more, nothing less. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 If a woman told me that she loved me, and I didn't feel that way yet, though I was going there, I think I'd say something like "I'm starting to feel that way too. I'm not there yet, but it's happening." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 I'd prefer any version of I'm almost at that stage but not quite ready. The kiss after I said I love you would feel like a distraction. Link to post Share on other sites
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